I like being the person

 I like being the person that doesn't call people out. If this makes me meek and a pushover, then so be it. I do have to speak up more in work, but in personal life, I'm fine being a pushover.

I do need to figure out boundaries that pose a risk to my pillars, but I can work on that.

I think I ultimately would prefer to surround myself with people that don't take advantage of my meekness.

#softlife

In this moment, I have neutral to borderline positive feelings.

I guess I'm someone that likes conversing.

I just had a therapy session and we didn't talk about anything but me vacillating over moving to Seattle or even going for a short trip in the Fall.

Those intense feelings are gone.

The feelings for Boy have lessened. Even some of my fantasy mental musings have gone. I'm sad about that a little bit. I haven't seen any reminders of him in a day or two now.

It was just so intense, and now I feel very little. That's weird.

In actual money news, I got an alert that I'm already over my Food Budget for the month. Whoops! It felt like I was making a lot of purchases but now I have the proof. Oh well.

I've been eating chips and other junk food a bit.

I switched from Lays stacks to Baked Lays. Yum!

I miss my fantasy of the last boy.

I don't want to open any more wounds on dating.

So I don't know what to do. Just settle back into Hospice life or pursue this new venture.

Here are the few paths:

- Default: Continue life in Hospice house in pseudo-isolation; work at the same pace until Mar 2024; FIRE on a ~20k/yr budget; ad-hoc social activities/experiences as feelings allow; die

- Fantasy: Move to Seattle; stay for 0-10 years; have an active social life; develop community; be in a loving romantic relationship; continue working to fund our active lifestyle for 0-4 years

I think there is some acknowledgement that I will likely need to continue working if I move to Seattle. But it would be worth it if I can find a manageable job. Especially if a) the job is manageable b) it affords me the life I dream of c)my partner is working and I need something to pass the time c)job is flexible d) I can continue to save e) I also like the idea of finances being a point of connection (not contention)

I think for now, I've used Last Boy as the default romantic partner just to have something to go off of.