Can you believe it! I made it 7 weeks. And the dust has definitely settled.
Two people are already transitioning to other roles. It never stops at the Call Center.
I think I'm stepping into how I see myself here.
Well, anytime I start something new I see how it's different from where I was or how it could be better. I've been speaking out about it and it's really gone nowhere.
I decided to stop doing this. It's just needless frustration and kind of endless.
Even with the baton being dropped and things falling between the cracks, the machine rolls on and nothing bad really happens.
So I'm done "complaining" to my manager. Plus I think she's sharing this with my co-worker, so that's not good.
I also got the low down on the history of the Call Center. It was both amusing and telling. And affirms my decision to take a step back.
I guess this is kind of a vent session.
I feel on the outs.
I got a little hopeful about having a conversation about stopping a mailer from going out. Hard no.
Then there is Wunderkind who was hired without the relevant experience, but "he's smart and a hard worker." This is after the manager said the problems they had with the 2 previous directors was their lack of experience. Hilar. The humans.
I will say I did get really excited to talk about my idea, but this was the affirmation I needed to keep my mouth shut.
I was actually even thinking the other day, what will happen if we have to go back to work full time. I think if I feel the way I do now (which is neutral), I only want to consider moving if I'm within 6 months of when I plan to leave (end of March 2022). That's my hope. So like no earlier than Sep 2021. But then when I think about it ...18 months would be manageable, I suppose. So, there's that.
Basically, the high has worn off. This is just a job, and it turns out the chaos is just a little bit better hidden than in my last role. Oh well.
I started finishing my table that has been laying haphazardly in my kitchen. And the piping still doesn't fit. This is after I added a plank to make it fit. Turns out the pipes with flanges end up being different lengths.
I was meant to go to the laundromat this weekend, but I think I'll spend some time with my feelings instead.
Feeling blah.
Some more hurt feelings
I had some pretty bombastic moments the last two days, but you know Brain is only going to focus on the negative parts.
First...I think I most recently heard the word bombastic from watching The Last Dance on Netflix. It's about the Bulls team in the mid 90s. I lived in Illinois then so it felt nostalgic. I remember around 2000 or 2001 we got a call that we were being taken off the waitlist for tickets. But by then, I think we had lost interest. (My aunt was obviously still alive and she loved adventure.)
Anyway, I finally felt a little justified with the randomness Wunderkind says (and gets away with). His nonsense still kept me up at night, but I've accepted Wunderkinds always win. Anyway, before the sleepless night, I had 2 good conversations about a process that wasn't making any sense and was glaaaaad that Wunderkind wasn't there to spew his nonsense and silence me.
And then today, I had a little bit of turmoil messaging a colleague about a process. Of course they took 1 hour to respond so I felt unsure if my reaching out was inappropriate in some way. I can't seem to pin down the rules. Anyway, a process I mentioned might get follow-up. If it does, that'll be a huge win in my book!!!
This is sooo cool!!
Then I was in another meeting about creating a new quality monitoring process with a team I've felt skeptical about. Brain hadn't let me chime in on their other nonsense conversations (we've had 2 meetings on how to schedule people to work...wha???). But today, I think I was high on my previous win and thought hmm...your monitoring form has a lot of negative words and if something is automatically going to fail a call, you should weight the score appropriately. It doesn't make sense to me as an agent to get 100% on a call and then it zero out on a perceived technicality. As I type this, I'm thinking errr... do you get 0% of a call. How does that average? They came back to me a little aggressively. So I just went back on mute. But then I as I think more on this...we're supposed to be harmonizing across our team so that our calibration forms look the same. Forgot to mention that. Just made a note that I don't want to attend any more of their meetings. So yes, that's what will probably keep me up tonight. Despite the other not-bad things, being silenced in this instance will be what I remember.
(I will give myself a little credit that I didn't try to fight back; I just immediately went on mute. I assessed the situation and got out before I got more feelings hurt. I know that large of a group is not my ideal scenario. And I had already heard the one Loud Girl be loud with the agents whose feedback they were soliciting.)
Gotta be up tomorrow so I'm signing off for now!
First...I think I most recently heard the word bombastic from watching The Last Dance on Netflix. It's about the Bulls team in the mid 90s. I lived in Illinois then so it felt nostalgic. I remember around 2000 or 2001 we got a call that we were being taken off the waitlist for tickets. But by then, I think we had lost interest. (My aunt was obviously still alive and she loved adventure.)
Anyway, I finally felt a little justified with the randomness Wunderkind says (and gets away with). His nonsense still kept me up at night, but I've accepted Wunderkinds always win. Anyway, before the sleepless night, I had 2 good conversations about a process that wasn't making any sense and was glaaaaad that Wunderkind wasn't there to spew his nonsense and silence me.
And then today, I had a little bit of turmoil messaging a colleague about a process. Of course they took 1 hour to respond so I felt unsure if my reaching out was inappropriate in some way. I can't seem to pin down the rules. Anyway, a process I mentioned might get follow-up. If it does, that'll be a huge win in my book!!!
This is sooo cool!!
Then I was in another meeting about creating a new quality monitoring process with a team I've felt skeptical about. Brain hadn't let me chime in on their other nonsense conversations (we've had 2 meetings on how to schedule people to work...wha???). But today, I think I was high on my previous win and thought hmm...your monitoring form has a lot of negative words and if something is automatically going to fail a call, you should weight the score appropriately. It doesn't make sense to me as an agent to get 100% on a call and then it zero out on a perceived technicality. As I type this, I'm thinking errr... do you get 0% of a call. How does that average? They came back to me a little aggressively. So I just went back on mute. But then I as I think more on this...we're supposed to be harmonizing across our team so that our calibration forms look the same. Forgot to mention that. Just made a note that I don't want to attend any more of their meetings. So yes, that's what will probably keep me up tonight. Despite the other not-bad things, being silenced in this instance will be what I remember.
(I will give myself a little credit that I didn't try to fight back; I just immediately went on mute. I assessed the situation and got out before I got more feelings hurt. I know that large of a group is not my ideal scenario. And I had already heard the one Loud Girl be loud with the agents whose feedback they were soliciting.)
Gotta be up tomorrow so I'm signing off for now!
Oh, what a night!
So most of last night into this morning was spent ruminating the work week that just ended.
You know my brain has spectrum characteristics.
There is this giant broken database that houses 400 documents that no one is really reading and so they're creating new ones or updating one but not the other. So if you pick A instead of B, you might not get the update that was only published in B.
It's a hot mess. And to find the person responsible, it's like a game of Hot Potato or Not-It!
And of course when you work for The Man, everything is a process.
I'm starting to remember the things I learned in teacher's college. Not everything is a group-worthy task. But everything here requires someone else. I get that it's hard for one person to see a widget from design to production, but gee golly I sure wish that person existed.
I wish there was someone that just knew how the widget worked.
I think I'm also a little mad at myself that I didn't catch a glaring duplicate process. (And someone else did.) #prideful
I could have read the documents more closely, but it's just so much especially when I don't know really know where things are in the process.
I just completed my 6th week at New Job, and I still feel just as lost as ever. I'll start learning one thing and then the learning kind of stops and there's nothing to build on.
I hate the phrase, "play around" (in the database). My learner's brain doesn't work like that. I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know your process (apparently no one does).
I need structured examples. I need a problem to solve or an error to recreate. But if I don't know what I'm looking for it's a futile effort on my part to "play around" in a database. What is the problem I'm trying to solve or a process I'm trying to create?
It just seems like the problems I identify that are a general impediment to my ability to flow, are so big and the processes to fix them are so broken.
And our vendor, ugh...we just indulge them with all their requests to update documents. I definitely want to change that. I think during our last meeting, the vendor said we'd done either 40 or 60 updates at their behest. That's insane.
And my co-worker team seems to think the supplier has the final say in our process. Ugh no, not to be crass...but they work for us, we tell them what to do.
I'm hoping this rant will stop the broken record in my head.
And I still have a kitchen island/table to finish constructing. Oy!
You know my brain has spectrum characteristics.
There is this giant broken database that houses 400 documents that no one is really reading and so they're creating new ones or updating one but not the other. So if you pick A instead of B, you might not get the update that was only published in B.
It's a hot mess. And to find the person responsible, it's like a game of Hot Potato or Not-It!
And of course when you work for The Man, everything is a process.
I'm starting to remember the things I learned in teacher's college. Not everything is a group-worthy task. But everything here requires someone else. I get that it's hard for one person to see a widget from design to production, but gee golly I sure wish that person existed.
I wish there was someone that just knew how the widget worked.
I think I'm also a little mad at myself that I didn't catch a glaring duplicate process. (And someone else did.) #prideful
I could have read the documents more closely, but it's just so much especially when I don't know really know where things are in the process.
I just completed my 6th week at New Job, and I still feel just as lost as ever. I'll start learning one thing and then the learning kind of stops and there's nothing to build on.
I hate the phrase, "play around" (in the database). My learner's brain doesn't work like that. I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know your process (apparently no one does).
I need structured examples. I need a problem to solve or an error to recreate. But if I don't know what I'm looking for it's a futile effort on my part to "play around" in a database. What is the problem I'm trying to solve or a process I'm trying to create?
It just seems like the problems I identify that are a general impediment to my ability to flow, are so big and the processes to fix them are so broken.
And our vendor, ugh...we just indulge them with all their requests to update documents. I definitely want to change that. I think during our last meeting, the vendor said we'd done either 40 or 60 updates at their behest. That's insane.
And my co-worker team seems to think the supplier has the final say in our process. Ugh no, not to be crass...but they work for us, we tell them what to do.
I'm hoping this rant will stop the broken record in my head.
And I still have a kitchen island/table to finish constructing. Oy!
Thursday
Today, I think, was probably what a typical workday might resemble. Maybe even a typical work week.
Most of this week, I didn't have much required work to do between meetings which was nice. I was able to filter 1.5 meetings that I didn't really need to attend. Actually 2.5 now that I think about it.
The novelty of having meetings to attend has definitely worn off. I imagine this continuing to wear off when I actually have deadlines to meet.
I started on a project that has a much bigger scope than I can do alone. I quickly tired of it about 60% through the workday yesterday.
One fear I have is losing interest (and knowledge) in some of these projects and tasks that require so many other people to reach completion.
I didn't react (strongly) to 2 messages I received in a chat. Mind you, these are not life-altering to a normal person. But to this single, it's generally cause for pause.
I asked an intern if she thought the company would hire her. When she didn't respond right away, I wondered if I'd offended her. Old me, would have spun into a tizzy...you've seen it right here on this very blog. Or, tried to add additional comments to cover whatever perceived slight I imagined. I did not. And this morning, she responded with an expected response. I was a little overly nice (more than I intended) because of yesterday's feelings, but overall an improvement from me.
Thing 2 happened today. There are 2 documents I think are basically the same and could be condensed into one larger document. This aligns with one of our long term projects to clean up our database. I asked one of the specialists who had just updated both documents with the same verbiage if he thought they could be condensed. He immediately was like "no, they're two completely different processes."
I instantly got mad that he would reject my idea. But I realize my mistake is presenting it like a question. But that seems to be the code-switch of women in this company. I'm still learning how best to navigate conversation with this mediocre white man. I wanted to say, I disagree; I think they can; we'll see. I rolled my eyes for about an hour. (Side note... another plus for virtual workspace... I can have all my reactions in the privacy of my own home!). Anyways, I decided to leave it alone. The thing is- ultimately, it's not his decision to make. If I want to consolidate those documents, there's not really a whole lot standing in my way. He's not my direct report so I wouldn't be asking him to do it anyway.
I did get mad, but I can also continue to add that to my repertoire of interactions with him. Now, I know that's one person I won't be asking for help as I tackle this larger project. This is a man who called someone like me belligerent and aggressive during another interaction where the woman felt unheard and unseen (sound like anyone you know??).
I'm not really sure who my allies are here. Not sure if I will find anyone. I've been reminded of late that work is not where you find family (or in my case friends). You are disposable. So there's that.
Thing 3.
There were about 3 issues that came up today that after I'm fully trained, I would need to handle on my own. I don't know how to do them! I didn't even know where to start. So that's scary.
Other things I want to continue to work on. Keeping my comments to myself. If it's purely commentary, personal or professional, it's best kept in my mind or on the blog. It's just too risky. I get a bit confused when my boss encourages me to speak up, but I have a good idea of things that are in my best interest. Sharing my opinion in a group where I am the Other is never a good idea.
Oh did I tell you - I went through an entire workday without checking my personal email! To be fair, any actual personal (non-spam) emails get forwarded to my work email. So I knew there was nothing to really check. That hasn't stopped me in the past, but there was no manic checking today! Win for the Single Girl!
One more thing.
I was watching Love on the Spectrum on Netflix. Applause worthy, BTW. And I wonder if all of us struggle a little bit or if I'm really just spectrum-adjacent. A lot of the things they said resonated with me or sounded like something I've done or felt in the past. But I think those parts of my personality are things I can play up or play down. And that might be the difference between quirk and diagnosis.
I don't like sounds and smells, but only particular sounds or smells. I don't like unexpected things. I often feel like I have a script running through my head. My social interactions are much like running through a list of things I know about a person. And when I meet knew people, I want to ask about 100 questions. I like scripted things. I like plans. I like structure. I get thrown off when something doesn't happen the way I expect it to. I remember in college plotting out a Relationship Plan. I wanted the boyfriend experience, so I wrote out a contract of what to do, how long the relationship would last, and like little boundaries and events. I gave it to a boy and asked if he wanted to take part in it. I'm pretty sure he said no, and we were all pretty sure he was gay. So for me that felt like a safe choice. No unknowns.
Anyway, I digress. Enough for now.
I am always curious about getting tested for a spectrum disorder, but a) testing for girls and adults (i.e. non-white-boys) is pretty under-developed and b) what would it really change in my life. What would be the best possible outcome of a positive diagnosis?
And what of a negative diagnosis?
Most of this week, I didn't have much required work to do between meetings which was nice. I was able to filter 1.5 meetings that I didn't really need to attend. Actually 2.5 now that I think about it.
The novelty of having meetings to attend has definitely worn off. I imagine this continuing to wear off when I actually have deadlines to meet.
I started on a project that has a much bigger scope than I can do alone. I quickly tired of it about 60% through the workday yesterday.
One fear I have is losing interest (and knowledge) in some of these projects and tasks that require so many other people to reach completion.
I didn't react (strongly) to 2 messages I received in a chat. Mind you, these are not life-altering to a normal person. But to this single, it's generally cause for pause.
I asked an intern if she thought the company would hire her. When she didn't respond right away, I wondered if I'd offended her. Old me, would have spun into a tizzy...you've seen it right here on this very blog. Or, tried to add additional comments to cover whatever perceived slight I imagined. I did not. And this morning, she responded with an expected response. I was a little overly nice (more than I intended) because of yesterday's feelings, but overall an improvement from me.
Thing 2 happened today. There are 2 documents I think are basically the same and could be condensed into one larger document. This aligns with one of our long term projects to clean up our database. I asked one of the specialists who had just updated both documents with the same verbiage if he thought they could be condensed. He immediately was like "no, they're two completely different processes."
I instantly got mad that he would reject my idea. But I realize my mistake is presenting it like a question. But that seems to be the code-switch of women in this company. I'm still learning how best to navigate conversation with this mediocre white man. I wanted to say, I disagree; I think they can; we'll see. I rolled my eyes for about an hour. (Side note... another plus for virtual workspace... I can have all my reactions in the privacy of my own home!). Anyways, I decided to leave it alone. The thing is- ultimately, it's not his decision to make. If I want to consolidate those documents, there's not really a whole lot standing in my way. He's not my direct report so I wouldn't be asking him to do it anyway.
I did get mad, but I can also continue to add that to my repertoire of interactions with him. Now, I know that's one person I won't be asking for help as I tackle this larger project. This is a man who called someone like me belligerent and aggressive during another interaction where the woman felt unheard and unseen (sound like anyone you know??).
I'm not really sure who my allies are here. Not sure if I will find anyone. I've been reminded of late that work is not where you find family (or in my case friends). You are disposable. So there's that.
Thing 3.
There were about 3 issues that came up today that after I'm fully trained, I would need to handle on my own. I don't know how to do them! I didn't even know where to start. So that's scary.
Other things I want to continue to work on. Keeping my comments to myself. If it's purely commentary, personal or professional, it's best kept in my mind or on the blog. It's just too risky. I get a bit confused when my boss encourages me to speak up, but I have a good idea of things that are in my best interest. Sharing my opinion in a group where I am the Other is never a good idea.
Oh did I tell you - I went through an entire workday without checking my personal email! To be fair, any actual personal (non-spam) emails get forwarded to my work email. So I knew there was nothing to really check. That hasn't stopped me in the past, but there was no manic checking today! Win for the Single Girl!
One more thing.
I was watching Love on the Spectrum on Netflix. Applause worthy, BTW. And I wonder if all of us struggle a little bit or if I'm really just spectrum-adjacent. A lot of the things they said resonated with me or sounded like something I've done or felt in the past. But I think those parts of my personality are things I can play up or play down. And that might be the difference between quirk and diagnosis.
I don't like sounds and smells, but only particular sounds or smells. I don't like unexpected things. I often feel like I have a script running through my head. My social interactions are much like running through a list of things I know about a person. And when I meet knew people, I want to ask about 100 questions. I like scripted things. I like plans. I like structure. I get thrown off when something doesn't happen the way I expect it to. I remember in college plotting out a Relationship Plan. I wanted the boyfriend experience, so I wrote out a contract of what to do, how long the relationship would last, and like little boundaries and events. I gave it to a boy and asked if he wanted to take part in it. I'm pretty sure he said no, and we were all pretty sure he was gay. So for me that felt like a safe choice. No unknowns.
Anyway, I digress. Enough for now.
I am always curious about getting tested for a spectrum disorder, but a) testing for girls and adults (i.e. non-white-boys) is pretty under-developed and b) what would it really change in my life. What would be the best possible outcome of a positive diagnosis?
And what of a negative diagnosis?
I can do this
I can do this.
I can.
I can live this life, as is.
Eventually I will stop waiting for someone to rescue me, to see me, to want to be my friend.
Eventually I will.
Or is it I shall.
Another blogger shared an adult version of a chore chart of her daily routine. I've been thinking of doing one. It won't last forever, but maybe it'll get me to through the next hump. My next life inflection point is Sep 15.
On Sep 15, I want to speak more freely about mortgaging a house and starting a new job. (As if anyone is going to ask or care.) No one knows about the new job. And only a few co-workers from Call Center #1 know about the house.
On Sep 15, it'll be 3 months at new job. That's an average probation period at companies. Not this one, thank the Lord. Oh, for my amusement, I hope I make it to 3 months to see if the girl that referred me gets her referral bonus and asks me about it. I think that will be funny.
But this week, I'm leaning out of checking my email expecting friendship.
I mostly check it out of habit. Boring meeting - check email. Boring show - check email. Long stretches with nothing to do - check email.
Even my bank bonus churning has stopped. I haven't been able to sign up for any new accounts, which I'm not too mad about.
Right now I feel bloated from my sugar escapades today. Ugh.
But I can do this.
I can find steady state at this job.
I can speak the lingo.
I can keep my head down more or less.
I can not over analyze every perceived slight on my part or theirs.
I can not over analyze.
But I can still discern... I hope.
I can do this.
I can.
This is a life I can live.
It can't get any better than this.
This is a life I can live.
In between the affirmations, today I'm worried about what I am supposed to be doing between meetings. There are so many handoffs and cooks in the kitchen. Everyone else knows the business better than me. I don't like that.
The food I've made tastes blech. I thought I'd gotten my appetite back but I just feel bloated and uncomfortable.
I can.
I can live this life, as is.
Eventually I will stop waiting for someone to rescue me, to see me, to want to be my friend.
Eventually I will.
Or is it I shall.
Another blogger shared an adult version of a chore chart of her daily routine. I've been thinking of doing one. It won't last forever, but maybe it'll get me to through the next hump. My next life inflection point is Sep 15.
On Sep 15, I want to speak more freely about mortgaging a house and starting a new job. (As if anyone is going to ask or care.) No one knows about the new job. And only a few co-workers from Call Center #1 know about the house.
On Sep 15, it'll be 3 months at new job. That's an average probation period at companies. Not this one, thank the Lord. Oh, for my amusement, I hope I make it to 3 months to see if the girl that referred me gets her referral bonus and asks me about it. I think that will be funny.
But this week, I'm leaning out of checking my email expecting friendship.
I mostly check it out of habit. Boring meeting - check email. Boring show - check email. Long stretches with nothing to do - check email.
Even my bank bonus churning has stopped. I haven't been able to sign up for any new accounts, which I'm not too mad about.
Right now I feel bloated from my sugar escapades today. Ugh.
But I can do this.
I can find steady state at this job.
I can speak the lingo.
I can keep my head down more or less.
I can not over analyze every perceived slight on my part or theirs.
I can not over analyze.
But I can still discern... I hope.
I can do this.
I can.
This is a life I can live.
It can't get any better than this.
This is a life I can live.
In between the affirmations, today I'm worried about what I am supposed to be doing between meetings. There are so many handoffs and cooks in the kitchen. Everyone else knows the business better than me. I don't like that.
The food I've made tastes blech. I thought I'd gotten my appetite back but I just feel bloated and uncomfortable.
I want someone to talk to!
I trudged up the stairs to write a blog post entitled, I 'need' someone to talk to. But needs seem vital to life not vital to a "good life."
I just think my life would be a little bit better if I had someone to listen to me. I think I'm a good listener. I'm an active listener.
It would be nice to have someone who wants to know how my day went. I think for me, professionally, if I felt like I was being heard elsewhere or I could say the things I wanted to say, I wouldn't feel so oppressed at work or in other situations. Or feel so much pressure to censor my words.
I think it would help just being able to practice talking and having my voice heard.
I don't know exactly when I accepted being silenced, but I did. It happened.
New Job is stirring a bit of old feelings. Luckily (or not), they're dampened so far down, that they don't lead to rapid action.
So, a friend might say, how was your day today?
Well, yesterday I made rubber steak. I know I've made good thin =-cut steak before. There was like a week where I was patting myself on the back at how easy steak was to make. I remember thinking why was I ever afraid to make this. And then on, maybe the 3rd pack... the steak was rubbery and difficult to masticate (chew). I tried 2 more times - the last time being last night. Ick.
I don't get it. Is there too much moisture? Because it feels like the steak is being boiled. That's what the texture feels like.
I actually just chucked the leftovers in the crockpot this morning along with some I had in the freezer. (Note: the best by date on the freezer pack was from July 2019). That was probably the last time I tried to cook red meat.
The crokpot version wasn't any more delicious but at least I could chew it.
I just really, really wanted some red meat. Steak in particular.
I guess it's a seasonal thing given the date on the freezer pack.
I planned on steak and baked potato and brownie.
I tried the Betty Crocker Triple Delight brownie pack and it was so delish, I bought it again for 30% more because I didn't want to go Wal-Mart. #COVID
Anyway, the steak was rubbery.
The baked potato was very much raw so i just cut off and ate the outer parts.
And the brownie was underbaked (the opposite of the way I liked it).
I ate what I could and watched a show.
Fell asleep and woke up feeling drowsy for my 8a meeting.
For now, I still like the meetings. I feel important. But I can definitely see how inconvenient and annoying they are. This is what people complain about. But having worked call center for the last 5 years, it's an ok change.
So today was another meetingful day.
The thing I'm proud of.
I like my manager alot, I think she would've made a good friend in another life. Or maybe not. Anyway, I wish she were my friend. But I guess in reality, she would be too busy as well because she is working all hours.
Anyway, I'm proud of myself because I've wanted to be a little more sociable with her and I've resisted the urge. I'm really proud of that! You know...being desperately single and alone and all.
Two bosses above her noticed my work profile doesn't have a photo. That was intentional on my part and the ask is that I upload a picture. I don't really want to. I don't want people to judge me on what I look like before they have a chance to see what I can do.
Oh well.
They do things differently over here. It's funny because I tried to join their Medical Information team a few different times, but the company I used to work for before makes New Job seem like amateurs. Who can I say that to? I'm just like errr... you could be doing better. But there are so many layers of people and process to go through to make a change here. And everyone just gets the handoff and assumes the last person did it correctly.
It's weird.
The meetings are weird.
The conversations are weird.
It's weird to secretly be plotting to only stay for 18 months knowing I just started. But I think my default is to act like everything is normal in work situations and regular life.
I think that's what I've been doing right? Sometimes with money stuff it's tricky, but until I actually pull the trigger (whatever that might be), I'm living life as though I will live to the average age of 80 and retire at 65 (eww, gross!). Talk about living a double life!
So yeah, if I had a friend, that's what I'd want to tell them.
I just think my life would be a little bit better if I had someone to listen to me. I think I'm a good listener. I'm an active listener.
It would be nice to have someone who wants to know how my day went. I think for me, professionally, if I felt like I was being heard elsewhere or I could say the things I wanted to say, I wouldn't feel so oppressed at work or in other situations. Or feel so much pressure to censor my words.
I think it would help just being able to practice talking and having my voice heard.
I don't know exactly when I accepted being silenced, but I did. It happened.
New Job is stirring a bit of old feelings. Luckily (or not), they're dampened so far down, that they don't lead to rapid action.
So, a friend might say, how was your day today?
Well, yesterday I made rubber steak. I know I've made good thin =-cut steak before. There was like a week where I was patting myself on the back at how easy steak was to make. I remember thinking why was I ever afraid to make this. And then on, maybe the 3rd pack... the steak was rubbery and difficult to masticate (chew). I tried 2 more times - the last time being last night. Ick.
I don't get it. Is there too much moisture? Because it feels like the steak is being boiled. That's what the texture feels like.
I actually just chucked the leftovers in the crockpot this morning along with some I had in the freezer. (Note: the best by date on the freezer pack was from July 2019). That was probably the last time I tried to cook red meat.
The crokpot version wasn't any more delicious but at least I could chew it.
I just really, really wanted some red meat. Steak in particular.
I guess it's a seasonal thing given the date on the freezer pack.
I planned on steak and baked potato and brownie.
I tried the Betty Crocker Triple Delight brownie pack and it was so delish, I bought it again for 30% more because I didn't want to go Wal-Mart. #COVID
Anyway, the steak was rubbery.
The baked potato was very much raw so i just cut off and ate the outer parts.
And the brownie was underbaked (the opposite of the way I liked it).
I ate what I could and watched a show.
Fell asleep and woke up feeling drowsy for my 8a meeting.
For now, I still like the meetings. I feel important. But I can definitely see how inconvenient and annoying they are. This is what people complain about. But having worked call center for the last 5 years, it's an ok change.
So today was another meetingful day.
The thing I'm proud of.
I like my manager alot, I think she would've made a good friend in another life. Or maybe not. Anyway, I wish she were my friend. But I guess in reality, she would be too busy as well because she is working all hours.
Anyway, I'm proud of myself because I've wanted to be a little more sociable with her and I've resisted the urge. I'm really proud of that! You know...being desperately single and alone and all.
Two bosses above her noticed my work profile doesn't have a photo. That was intentional on my part and the ask is that I upload a picture. I don't really want to. I don't want people to judge me on what I look like before they have a chance to see what I can do.
Oh well.
They do things differently over here. It's funny because I tried to join their Medical Information team a few different times, but the company I used to work for before makes New Job seem like amateurs. Who can I say that to? I'm just like errr... you could be doing better. But there are so many layers of people and process to go through to make a change here. And everyone just gets the handoff and assumes the last person did it correctly.
It's weird.
The meetings are weird.
The conversations are weird.
It's weird to secretly be plotting to only stay for 18 months knowing I just started. But I think my default is to act like everything is normal in work situations and regular life.
I think that's what I've been doing right? Sometimes with money stuff it's tricky, but until I actually pull the trigger (whatever that might be), I'm living life as though I will live to the average age of 80 and retire at 65 (eww, gross!). Talk about living a double life!
So yeah, if I had a friend, that's what I'd want to tell them.
Sunday, Not Fun Day
This Sunday brings you another weekly Crisis of Conscience. I guess this is my new normal. Or it always has been. Who knows? Who knows anything?
I figured I might as well bang this out in the hopes that it won't linger with me all day.
This morning I feel the same ole..
What's the point of all this?
I realized the best I hope for everyday is that nothing bad happens (herein lies the problem), and the worst that can happen is everything.
It is on days like these that I remember recent slights, and old ones begin to trickle through as well.
I can't even say I wish I wasn't working because in this moment I think that'd make everything worse. If I can't even get through 2 days of nothing to do, can you imagine 7?
While the work week is fraught with unknowns, it's 8 hours of distraction.
I do still wish that I can continuously make acknowledged, recognized, significant, positive contributions to my new job, but the pressure of that makes it feel more like a wish than anything else.
Today I don't feel as bad about my aunt as I have been. I know this feeling too shall pass. I'm in the mood I was when she was sick and needed my help most - who cares? Do I even matter? Does any of it even matter?
I guess it's good to be in this place because I can see more clearly why I did what I did; felt what I felt; and acted as I acted.
I came downstairs to drown my sorrows in Netflix and sugar. Three servings of sugar later, I'm in just as foul of a mood.
And there's a bug upstairs I didn't have the energy to deal with.
Hrmph.
If this stays a Sunday mood, I guess I can soldier on.
But my guess is, it'll start as just a Sunday mood and by next week it'll creep into part of Monday.
I've been here before. I've had this mood last well into Thursday afternoons - lifting briefly until the the next Sunday.
I'm going to keep typing because the alternative is eating more sugar and zoning out to Netflix.
My brother messaged me about visiting. I immediately felt unsettled. As much as I lament how alone I am - the thought of visitors is not comforting. In fact I felt the opposite- uncomfortable. Where is he going to sleep? What are we going to talk about? What are we going to do? Am I going to hide the death notes I have posted everywhere? I don't even really have seating for 2.
So, see I don't know what I want. I don't know what will ease my troubles (well... I do know...). It's why I don't really say much to my extended family. Three of my aunts are trying to be more active in my life and say nice things. I'm just so resistant to it.
It's as though I don't want to make any new connections. I don't want to form any new bonds. I don't want to really reconnect with my family members, I don't know why. I'm fine with it the way it is. I don't really want to meet anyone new either.
What's in the middle of that... maybe some old friend of a friend. I don't want a completely new connection nor do I want to repurpose current connections. So I've settled on a friend of a friend.
The thing is I've already dispositioned most of my old friends and my family members. I live in a one dimensional world where things don't change and people don't change. I've already sorted their place in my life.
And when I forge forward, I don't want to bring old things with me. It's not baggage, it's just history. If I'm moving forward, I want to do so freely, not have to worry about old hurts, hangups, relationship entanglements.
I live a compartmentalized life.
I want a cookie.
I figured I might as well bang this out in the hopes that it won't linger with me all day.
This morning I feel the same ole..
What's the point of all this?
I realized the best I hope for everyday is that nothing bad happens (herein lies the problem), and the worst that can happen is everything.
It is on days like these that I remember recent slights, and old ones begin to trickle through as well.
I can't even say I wish I wasn't working because in this moment I think that'd make everything worse. If I can't even get through 2 days of nothing to do, can you imagine 7?
While the work week is fraught with unknowns, it's 8 hours of distraction.
I do still wish that I can continuously make acknowledged, recognized, significant, positive contributions to my new job, but the pressure of that makes it feel more like a wish than anything else.
Today I don't feel as bad about my aunt as I have been. I know this feeling too shall pass. I'm in the mood I was when she was sick and needed my help most - who cares? Do I even matter? Does any of it even matter?
I guess it's good to be in this place because I can see more clearly why I did what I did; felt what I felt; and acted as I acted.
I came downstairs to drown my sorrows in Netflix and sugar. Three servings of sugar later, I'm in just as foul of a mood.
And there's a bug upstairs I didn't have the energy to deal with.
Hrmph.
If this stays a Sunday mood, I guess I can soldier on.
But my guess is, it'll start as just a Sunday mood and by next week it'll creep into part of Monday.
I've been here before. I've had this mood last well into Thursday afternoons - lifting briefly until the the next Sunday.
I'm going to keep typing because the alternative is eating more sugar and zoning out to Netflix.
My brother messaged me about visiting. I immediately felt unsettled. As much as I lament how alone I am - the thought of visitors is not comforting. In fact I felt the opposite- uncomfortable. Where is he going to sleep? What are we going to talk about? What are we going to do? Am I going to hide the death notes I have posted everywhere? I don't even really have seating for 2.
So, see I don't know what I want. I don't know what will ease my troubles (well... I do know...). It's why I don't really say much to my extended family. Three of my aunts are trying to be more active in my life and say nice things. I'm just so resistant to it.
It's as though I don't want to make any new connections. I don't want to form any new bonds. I don't want to really reconnect with my family members, I don't know why. I'm fine with it the way it is. I don't really want to meet anyone new either.
What's in the middle of that... maybe some old friend of a friend. I don't want a completely new connection nor do I want to repurpose current connections. So I've settled on a friend of a friend.
The thing is I've already dispositioned most of my old friends and my family members. I live in a one dimensional world where things don't change and people don't change. I've already sorted their place in my life.
And when I forge forward, I don't want to bring old things with me. It's not baggage, it's just history. If I'm moving forward, I want to do so freely, not have to worry about old hurts, hangups, relationship entanglements.
I live a compartmentalized life.
I want a cookie.
Ok, whatever!
Ugh, so about 2 hours ago I was actually formulating a good report for ye old blog. It included some desirable solves.
- I found a missing deposit I had set multiple reminders to look out for!
- The bank that refused to close my account without me visiting them out of state finally closed my account and refunded my money!!! Big win!
- Home Depot was giving me erroneous charges and a little bit of the run around. After 1 or 2 sleepless nights, I finally called them and the issue was fixed with a quickness!!
- I am slowly learning not to take on the burden of knowing everything. It seems to be perfectly acceptable for other people not to know everything and really bumble around (not my preferred state but seems to be trending). It's weird. Watch now that I say it, starting tomorrow everyone is going to be super on their game!!
- Oh side note. One of the leads said I should get an iPad...so I might be getting an iPad..and this is cool too for two reasons. First, I had wanted to inquire about a company phone, but I'm really glad I didn't since no one on my team has one and I didn't want to be out with my hands out 1 month in. Secondly, the iPad will be cool because it comes with data so that means for the most part I can use the Google Voice number I set up for work on the iPad..so essentially like a phone!
Then this happened.
You know the Devil always has to pour salt in my Kool-Aid.
But a little progression for me... I spiraled...but only a little bit. Mostly confused.
Here's the skinny.
Shortly after I started, I thought one place I could have a positive impact is the QC monitoring. There wasn't a great process in place. So I thought to myself...at my old job..I'd help out my manger by QCing 9 or 10 calls a month. I couldn't remember really the whys or how many per person we did since I wasn't really a manger. I just got the task handed down to me.
Anyway, thinking I'm a professional and I'd had good relationshps (or at least not bad) relationships with some of the QC people, I reached out to a former co-worker and asked if I could run some QC stuff by her.
Well honestly, I'd forgotten about it because life at New Job moves so fast! I got an email today and she was worried about a conflict of interest!
I think it's just an affront to my positive face. Like I should feel a little embarrassed for asking, but I don't really. Or like defensive.
I think it just hurts to think you got it wrong. No one likes to get it wrong or be told No.
But now I'm just like whoa. Is this where we are. Then of course Brain recalls previous interactions with Call Center #1 and maybe I could have known better. I had tried to survey them and received no response. And now this.
I was just high on life since our industry is turning out to be as small of a world as they told us it would be. I was in the collaborative spirit.
Oh well. I want to feel worse than I do, but I don't.
I'm about to make pizza and watch a dating show. So it's looking up for this girl!
Sunday Scaries or Something Else?
I'd love to say I was happy just yesterday. But I wasn't, not really. This morning was just a little bit worse.
It occurred to me that I've accomplished my goals. This is not a new thought.
When I was 35, I remember writing a post about Dying at 35, but it didn't make it over to the new blog. Maybe I wanted to forget I'd written that? No, I think I just mistakenly forgot to bring it over.
As I was saying, I've accomplished my goals. At least the ostensible ones. I got to live in America. I graduated high school. I went to prom. I danced with a boy. I held hands with a boy. I finally graduated college. I even got to go to a prestigious college. I went on a date. A boy I liked kissed me on the cheek. I finished my advanced degree.
I got to be a teacher, even though I was terrible at it.
(I feel like I've written this before...or this is the broken record that plays in my head.)
I've done some volunteer work.
I finally got the cool job title at a big company. Somebody chose me!
I own a car; mortgaged a house; saved 100k. These are huge milestones.
I visited Europe, Africa, Asia, even South America.
I did these things. At one point in my life, I thought they were important.
I quit a job because I could (prideful, much).
The point is, I set out to do these things and I did them.
What if life is just another thing on my to-do list. Except now, it's time to cross it off.
There are 3 inflection points in my life. Do you know how you can create reboot points on your computer right before you make changes? That's how I see these inflection points.
Age 7 - I got to live in America.
Age 17 - I graduated from high school.
Age 36 - I have essentially arrived as an adult.
These were all turning points in my life so far where I expected some sort of "payout" (for lack of a better word) for my efforts. Maybe payout is not the right word. But after each of these moments I saw the rest of my life differently. But instead it just feels like I was met with a new set of struggles.
It's as though each of these moments were mountain peaks - I'd climbed one side of the mountain..I kept climbing, keeping my eye on the prize, one more step, whatever metaphor or inspirational phrase you want to use... But I kept hoping to get to that next inflection point...but the reward was so short-lived and I was soon met with the next series of struggles.
So...just about 20 years of struggles since the last inflection point. And the reward just doesn't seem big enough.
In this moment, that's how I feel.
The thought of the next series of struggles is wholly keeping me from enjoying any good feelings I could be feeling. Because I have 36 years of evidence to show that that's exactly what happens.
While scary to some, having a defined Death Date helps take the vastness of a long life and breaks it into a more digestible chunk.
I under no circumstances want to live another 30 years. Literally, let me die now (peacefully in my sleep of natural causes, of course).
But the thought that was dancing in m head this morning was why wait 9 or 10 more years..why not now?
The original reason was I wanted to spend all the money I saved. But honestly...if I'm going to be met with 9 or 10 more years of struggle to do that...why would I live just for that.
When I die, I want it to be on a good day. Not at the end of a horror story. Not as an end to misery. I want to die believing that my life had the potential to be better, not knowing that potential never materialized. I want to die at the top of the mountain. Right before you take the next step back down.
I think if I had died at 7, there's nothing so great I've done in the last 30 years that would have made living this long worth it. But boy moving to America was going to be the best thing ever!
I think if I had died at age 17, after being Prom Princess, getting into my Number 1 College Early Decision, leaving my old life, that would have been okay too. How glorious and full of hope I'd been then!
If I had died at 35, I would have pre-deceased my aunt. I would not have the time to think of how poorly I treated her while she was alive; how much I took her for granted; and how poorly I cared for her while she was sick and dying. I was definitely not full of hope and life at 35. Nor was I at a mountain top. It was more like the end of a 5k not-so-fun walk. Or like the pistol-start of a marathon I had registered, raised money, and trained tirelessly for. It would have just been an end +/- an A for effort.
I feel then as I do now - I've completed all I've set out to do.
Right now I just feel like I missed a few chances already to cross this last thing off my to-do list. Do I want to miss another one?
I mean I was never going to make it to age 65, so the question really is will I make it to Death Date (age 45)?
It occurred to me that I've accomplished my goals. This is not a new thought.
When I was 35, I remember writing a post about Dying at 35, but it didn't make it over to the new blog. Maybe I wanted to forget I'd written that? No, I think I just mistakenly forgot to bring it over.
As I was saying, I've accomplished my goals. At least the ostensible ones. I got to live in America. I graduated high school. I went to prom. I danced with a boy. I held hands with a boy. I finally graduated college. I even got to go to a prestigious college. I went on a date. A boy I liked kissed me on the cheek. I finished my advanced degree.
I got to be a teacher, even though I was terrible at it.
(I feel like I've written this before...or this is the broken record that plays in my head.)
I've done some volunteer work.
I finally got the cool job title at a big company. Somebody chose me!
I own a car; mortgaged a house; saved 100k. These are huge milestones.
I visited Europe, Africa, Asia, even South America.
I did these things. At one point in my life, I thought they were important.
I quit a job because I could (prideful, much).
The point is, I set out to do these things and I did them.
What if life is just another thing on my to-do list. Except now, it's time to cross it off.
There are 3 inflection points in my life. Do you know how you can create reboot points on your computer right before you make changes? That's how I see these inflection points.
Age 7 - I got to live in America.
Age 17 - I graduated from high school.
Age 36 - I have essentially arrived as an adult.
These were all turning points in my life so far where I expected some sort of "payout" (for lack of a better word) for my efforts. Maybe payout is not the right word. But after each of these moments I saw the rest of my life differently. But instead it just feels like I was met with a new set of struggles.
It's as though each of these moments were mountain peaks - I'd climbed one side of the mountain..I kept climbing, keeping my eye on the prize, one more step, whatever metaphor or inspirational phrase you want to use... But I kept hoping to get to that next inflection point...but the reward was so short-lived and I was soon met with the next series of struggles.
So...just about 20 years of struggles since the last inflection point. And the reward just doesn't seem big enough.
In this moment, that's how I feel.
The thought of the next series of struggles is wholly keeping me from enjoying any good feelings I could be feeling. Because I have 36 years of evidence to show that that's exactly what happens.
While scary to some, having a defined Death Date helps take the vastness of a long life and breaks it into a more digestible chunk.
I under no circumstances want to live another 30 years. Literally, let me die now (peacefully in my sleep of natural causes, of course).
But the thought that was dancing in m head this morning was why wait 9 or 10 more years..why not now?
The original reason was I wanted to spend all the money I saved. But honestly...if I'm going to be met with 9 or 10 more years of struggle to do that...why would I live just for that.
When I die, I want it to be on a good day. Not at the end of a horror story. Not as an end to misery. I want to die believing that my life had the potential to be better, not knowing that potential never materialized. I want to die at the top of the mountain. Right before you take the next step back down.
I think if I had died at 7, there's nothing so great I've done in the last 30 years that would have made living this long worth it. But boy moving to America was going to be the best thing ever!
I think if I had died at age 17, after being Prom Princess, getting into my Number 1 College Early Decision, leaving my old life, that would have been okay too. How glorious and full of hope I'd been then!
If I had died at 35, I would have pre-deceased my aunt. I would not have the time to think of how poorly I treated her while she was alive; how much I took her for granted; and how poorly I cared for her while she was sick and dying. I was definitely not full of hope and life at 35. Nor was I at a mountain top. It was more like the end of a 5k not-so-fun walk. Or like the pistol-start of a marathon I had registered, raised money, and trained tirelessly for. It would have just been an end +/- an A for effort.
I feel then as I do now - I've completed all I've set out to do.
Right now I just feel like I missed a few chances already to cross this last thing off my to-do list. Do I want to miss another one?
I mean I was never going to make it to age 65, so the question really is will I make it to Death Date (age 45)?
4 Weeks at New Job
Wow! So that happened.
I don't know where my evenings go.
I don't have a huge body of work to show for my time.
But yes, I've made it to 4 weeks at work.
Received 2 paychecks, so that's awesome.
Solved a COVID-related tax issue.
Had so many dumb things keeping me up at night.
I really wanted to come on and acknowledge how nice it is to be a man sometimes!
The Specialist I work with was hired 3 months before me. He makes mistakes EVERY DAY. But he is a man, a confident mediocre white man, and he is unfazed. He asserts himself confidently with no regard for past mistakes.
I, on the other hand, make something I think is a mistake and feel the need to bury my head in the sand and never contribute anything EVER AGAIN.
It's astounding! I mean like serious falters this man does and my manager thinks he's a WUNDERKIND.
A clever me would take this as grounds to ease up on myself and persist beyond my perceived mistakes, but I literally was up last night not able to sleep well thinking a mistake Wunderkind made in my presence would somehow reflect negatively on me. HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!
That's the level of disconnect with reality my brain currently entertains.
I am somehow now responsible for other people's mistakes.
Ugh.
I was even watching Cash Cab, and on one episode the husband got the first few questions wrong while others in the cab had better guesses, yet the husband still persisted confidently when each question was asked.
He like my co-worker was unfazed. His mistakes were such an insignificant part of his experience.
I, on the other hand, am a shrinking violet in light of new mistakes or slights or undesirable outcomes.
The phrase nevertheless she persisted, comes to mind. If only....
I am happy in this moment because I was tabling quite a few things to do Saturday. I alloted 2-4 hours to work and personal errands. But I ate dinner, took a small break, and got back on the computer and I have completed a sufficient amount of tasks that my weekend is essentially free for my own musings and amusement.
I even let some woodworking I was intending to do tomorrow slide to next weekend when I'll have more money on my Everyday Expenses card. That helped justify the decision.
So I hope to relax and bake a couple things (i.e. cake and rice bread).
Until next time!
I don't know where my evenings go.
I don't have a huge body of work to show for my time.
But yes, I've made it to 4 weeks at work.
Received 2 paychecks, so that's awesome.
Solved a COVID-related tax issue.
Had so many dumb things keeping me up at night.
I really wanted to come on and acknowledge how nice it is to be a man sometimes!
The Specialist I work with was hired 3 months before me. He makes mistakes EVERY DAY. But he is a man, a confident mediocre white man, and he is unfazed. He asserts himself confidently with no regard for past mistakes.
I, on the other hand, make something I think is a mistake and feel the need to bury my head in the sand and never contribute anything EVER AGAIN.
It's astounding! I mean like serious falters this man does and my manager thinks he's a WUNDERKIND.
A clever me would take this as grounds to ease up on myself and persist beyond my perceived mistakes, but I literally was up last night not able to sleep well thinking a mistake Wunderkind made in my presence would somehow reflect negatively on me. HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!
That's the level of disconnect with reality my brain currently entertains.
I am somehow now responsible for other people's mistakes.
Ugh.
I was even watching Cash Cab, and on one episode the husband got the first few questions wrong while others in the cab had better guesses, yet the husband still persisted confidently when each question was asked.
He like my co-worker was unfazed. His mistakes were such an insignificant part of his experience.
I, on the other hand, am a shrinking violet in light of new mistakes or slights or undesirable outcomes.
The phrase nevertheless she persisted, comes to mind. If only....
I am happy in this moment because I was tabling quite a few things to do Saturday. I alloted 2-4 hours to work and personal errands. But I ate dinner, took a small break, and got back on the computer and I have completed a sufficient amount of tasks that my weekend is essentially free for my own musings and amusement.
I even let some woodworking I was intending to do tomorrow slide to next weekend when I'll have more money on my Everyday Expenses card. That helped justify the decision.
So I hope to relax and bake a couple things (i.e. cake and rice bread).
Until next time!
A Quick Financial Check-In for Jun 2020
Hi, there!
I am hoping to keep this focused with minimal feelings.
It took me most of the afternoon to complete this financial check-in, and I'm not exactly sure why.
But instead of getting bogged down with extemporaneous details, here's where I find myself financially mid-way through 2020 and a global pandemic.
First, here's a look back at some goals and targets I set at the beginning of 2020:
Mid-way through the year, I find my numbers as follows. All rounded and approximated.
Net Income YTD: $38k
Expenses YTD: $15.6k
Post-Tax Savings/Investments YTD: $14.6k
If you're just here for the numbers, that's pretty much it. If you want some more words, keep reading.
Net Income. Most notably, I'm a bit more than halfway to my projected earnings for the year primarily due to a sign-on bonus at New Job, COVID stimulus check, and nearly $2k in bank bonuses. I'm feeling very financially fortunate at the moment.
Expenses. Not too bad. Not the $13k you might expect given my lofty stated projections, but it's on par with my actual annual expenses (of approx. $30k/yr) the last 2 to 3 years. Decidedly it's a bit less than I expected given my COVID stockpiling and transactional costs of mortgaging a house. Unsurprisingly, the bulk of Expenses this year were housing-related.
Post-Tax Savings. Post Tax Savings, really I should say investments, is right on track. This is in large part due to the fact that it's completely automated each month. Because of the bit of extra cash, I'm even a bit tempted to go ahead and max out my Roth IRA early, but I appreciate the structure.
I also updated my FIRE TRACKER, so you can see the stock market is playing along at the moment, and if it continues I may reach my year end Savings/Investments goals.
I hope this Fourth of July brings you some financial freedom!
I am hoping to keep this focused with minimal feelings.
It took me most of the afternoon to complete this financial check-in, and I'm not exactly sure why.
But instead of getting bogged down with extemporaneous details, here's where I find myself financially mid-way through 2020 and a global pandemic.
First, here's a look back at some goals and targets I set at the beginning of 2020:
Mid-way through the year, I find my numbers as follows. All rounded and approximated.
Net Income YTD: $38k
Expenses YTD: $15.6k
Post-Tax Savings/Investments YTD: $14.6k
If you're just here for the numbers, that's pretty much it. If you want some more words, keep reading.
Net Income. Most notably, I'm a bit more than halfway to my projected earnings for the year primarily due to a sign-on bonus at New Job, COVID stimulus check, and nearly $2k in bank bonuses. I'm feeling very financially fortunate at the moment.
Expenses. Not too bad. Not the $13k you might expect given my lofty stated projections, but it's on par with my actual annual expenses (of approx. $30k/yr) the last 2 to 3 years. Decidedly it's a bit less than I expected given my COVID stockpiling and transactional costs of mortgaging a house. Unsurprisingly, the bulk of Expenses this year were housing-related.
Post-Tax Savings. Post Tax Savings, really I should say investments, is right on track. This is in large part due to the fact that it's completely automated each month. Because of the bit of extra cash, I'm even a bit tempted to go ahead and max out my Roth IRA early, but I appreciate the structure.
I also updated my FIRE TRACKER, so you can see the stock market is playing along at the moment, and if it continues I may reach my year end Savings/Investments goals.
I hope this Fourth of July brings you some financial freedom!
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