4 Weeks at New Job

Wow! So that happened.
I don't know where my evenings go.
I don't have a huge body of work to show for my time.

But yes, I've made it to 4 weeks at work.
Received 2 paychecks, so that's awesome.

Solved a COVID-related tax issue.

Had so many dumb things keeping me up at night.
I really wanted to come on and acknowledge how nice it is to be a man sometimes!

The Specialist I work with was hired 3 months before me. He makes mistakes EVERY DAY. But he is a man, a confident mediocre white man, and he is unfazed. He asserts himself confidently with no regard for past mistakes.

I, on the other hand, make something I think is a mistake and feel the need to bury my head in the sand and never contribute anything EVER AGAIN.

It's astounding! I mean like serious falters this man does and my manager thinks he's a WUNDERKIND.

A clever me would take this as grounds to ease up on myself and persist beyond my perceived mistakes, but I literally was up last night not able to sleep well thinking a mistake Wunderkind made in my presence would somehow reflect negatively on me. HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!

That's the level of disconnect with reality my brain currently entertains.

I am somehow now responsible for other people's mistakes.

Ugh.

I was even watching Cash Cab, and on one episode the husband got the first few questions wrong while others in the cab had better guesses, yet the husband still persisted confidently when each question was asked.

He like my co-worker was unfazed. His mistakes were such an insignificant part of his experience.

I, on the other hand, am a shrinking violet in light of new mistakes or slights or undesirable outcomes.

The phrase nevertheless she persisted, comes to mind. If only....

I am happy in this moment because I was tabling quite a few things to do Saturday. I alloted 2-4 hours to work and personal errands. But I ate dinner, took a small break, and got back on the computer and I have completed a sufficient amount of tasks that my weekend is essentially free for my own musings and amusement.

I even let some woodworking I was intending to do tomorrow slide to next weekend when I'll have more money on my Everyday Expenses card. That helped justify the decision.

So I hope to relax and bake a couple things (i.e. cake and rice bread).

Until next time!