I can do this

I can do this.
I can.

I can live this life, as is.
Eventually I will stop waiting for someone to rescue me, to see me, to want to be my friend.
Eventually I will.

Or is it I shall.

Another blogger shared an adult version of a chore chart of her daily routine. I've been thinking of doing one. It won't last forever, but maybe it'll get me to through the next hump. My next life inflection point is Sep 15.

On Sep 15, I want to speak more freely about mortgaging a house and starting a new job.  (As if anyone is going to ask or care.) No one knows about the new job. And only a few co-workers from Call Center #1 know about the house.

On Sep 15, it'll be 3 months at new job. That's an average probation period at companies. Not this one, thank the Lord.  Oh, for my amusement, I hope I make it to 3 months to see if the girl that referred me gets her referral bonus and asks me about it. I think that will be funny.

But this week, I'm leaning out of checking my email expecting friendship.

I mostly check it out of habit. Boring meeting - check email. Boring show - check email. Long stretches with nothing to do - check email.

Even my bank bonus churning has stopped. I haven't been able to sign up for any new accounts, which I'm not too mad about.

Right now I feel bloated from my sugar escapades today. Ugh.

But I can do this.
I can find steady state at this job.
I can speak the lingo.
I can keep my head down more or less.
I can not over analyze every perceived slight on my part or theirs.
I can not over analyze.
But I can still discern... I hope.
I can do this.
I can.

This is a life I can live.
It can't get any better than this.
This is a life I can live.

In between the affirmations, today I'm worried about what I am supposed to be doing between meetings. There are so many handoffs and cooks in the kitchen. Everyone else knows the business better than me. I don't like that.

The food I've made tastes blech. I thought I'd gotten my appetite back but I just feel bloated and uncomfortable.