Friday check-in

 I can't even remember if I blogged this morning. Sometimes I come up with blogposts in my head that never make it to the page.

Well today, I struggled through a few work tasks from bed. I was quite groggy and managed to lie around until 12:45p. Then got ready to go to PT. 

She worked my arm muscles a lot. I was happy to see that two weights exercises I'd started before were done this time around.

I am really out of shape!

I'm blaming the heat. But I have no stamina. So this will be good to start small.

I got a little overly ambitious with my plans to walk outside this weekend. But maybe I'll just sweat through these 3 walks and then remember it's July in The South.

Now that I see how weak my arms are... I do want to build up my stamina.

I went to Trader Joe's today and I guess everyone is out early for the upcoming holiday weekend because it was very busy. Luckily, I found a close parking spot without looking and I didn't have to pay or get validated. Phew.

It was very busy and there were two near misses in the intersection. Luckily, not involving me, but it made me want to get off the road as soon as possible.

So I made the executive decision to go to the local grocery store near Interim Apartment and just suck it up for the higher prices. No bargain hunting while I'm here. Just want to keep my self safe and carefree.

I went ahead and got the Pepcid. I was already thinking of starting with the low dose even though the doctor recommended the higher dose. I figure, I'd rather just start small. But the smaller dose box was $10 and the higher dose was $7.49. Go figure! So it made me almost want to get the higher dose.

Actually, I took the pill over an hour ago, and I still feel a little burn. Yikes. 

I did drink a full glass of water which made me almost snort water through my nose. 

Yeah, that's definitely some burning.

I'm not even going to play around with this.

If I'm coughing or uncomfortable tonight, then tomorrow when I go out, I'm going to pick up the higher dose. I also need to go to Moneygram.

If it were not blazing hot, I would walk there now.

I want to be outside. I feel really good, but it is really hot. And I have a few bites up my leg. There was a swarm of insects last night when I went out.

For the walk tomorrow, the organizer already sent out a heat warning email. So I was hesitant to go, but I think I'll still go. I'm looking forward to taking a hot shower. And I'm going to wear sunscreen.

I'm glad I went ahead and organized my big suitcase when I moved in because it makes it really easy to pick out clothes. I was going to wear pants and a t-shirt. But with all this heat advisory talk, I might do a tanktop and shorts. 

I got some yummy snacks for the weekend including a sparkling strawberry juice that I'm excited to try. 

I mostly want to take a nap.

6 weeks until moving day!

 I think having socialized the idea with myself...I'm getting used to the idea of moving in mid-August.

Which makes it 6 weeks from now!!!

Yikes!

I was right to try to capitalize on the back to school train! I feel like everything I'm doing now is prepping for back to school.

Getting doctor's appointments out of the way. Trying to get some relaxing time, summer reading (aka work), and some social activities in.

Now that there's a bit of a timeline, it feels more real and also a bit more exciting!

I also just love looking at my balance sheet.

I got one work task done this week so that also feels good.

And I think the next work task can be done by mid-week.

Which if nothing else lands on my plate, means my week on site can be focused on the workshop.

There is some uncertainty with whether I get bumped or not. I might just let the company know that I'll be out of town, so they'll need to adjust their available dates. 

Still suffering from insomnia and heartburn. It feels 100% due to my new medication. I messaged the doctor about the heartburn and he recommended pepcid. So instead of putting up a fight, I'm just going to try it. I'm in go-mode. No time for hemming and hawing. I just have to decide... do I just rely on that or do I still need to take the pills with a full meal. You have to take pepcid with a full glass of water. Which is making me feel bloated just thinking about it. 

I also want to try just taking the pill with a full glass of water and food, to see if that helps.

I was going to try to leave around noon to stop at Trader Joe's first, so that I can come straight home after physical therapy. But I'm still in bed. 

Friends, I can't believe I'm going to be moving in 6 weeks!!! Whoaaaaaaaaaa! It's really happening!

I love, love catching up on my finances yesterday. I have some financial confidence if my spending is a little inflated the rest of the year because I already met my reach savings goal. Yay! It all helps!

It's like this life is a concert of decisions. Each little move can create a beautiful piece of music. Or not.

So I'm excited about my snacks. And TV shows. And I found some nature events on Meetup that I might attend. So that will definitely help pass the time.

The other thing I was thinking about last night is...

My International Trip in December. 

I decided I definitely want to go, and just need to wrap my mind around spending 3500 with ease. 

But what I'm undecided on is if I want to do a month long short term rental in Warm City. That effects where I book my International Trip from. 

The plan to spend December in Warm City was hatched when I was still feeling low and living in Pandemic House.  Part of it was to break up the monotony and spend a ton of time away from home. And...be somewhere warm.

But with the adventure of New Town, I don't know that spending a ton of time away from home is as much of a priority because I will have just moved. I will still want to be warm, but International Trip sort of ticks off that portion a bit. Other elements were to be somewhere else for the holidays, so I wasn't stuck in Sad House. But again will being in Newtown be enough? 

We shall see. I'll need to put a reminder to book my tickets in September, that's at least 3 months notice.

I do still want to take that full month of December off from work though. Plus the extra week in January for funsies.

Taking two week long trips in December sounds tiring though. That was the alternative to spending the month of December in Warm City. 

So yeah, I still need to mull that over. 

As I'm reading this over... it occurred to me...what exactly is the issue of planning to be in Warm City - what I'll have too much fun?! Heaven forfend, I have toooo much fun! How crazy a thought. Ok, well that was easy. So here I was trying to ration fun... what a weird thought. Is this scarcity mindset. I think the cost was probably one thing... but also... Warm City felt like a salve for something...and I wasn't sure I would be 'sick' enough to need it. But also...time in Warm City could also just be really fun!

I feel freeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 I don't know what it is, but I just feel really good. Even with my throat burning! I finally went to Panera after reading lots of posts of people experiencing the burn when taking these pills.

My gosh!

I really was craving bread last night...and now I know why...to give my stomach acid something to burn through. But the bagel did nothing for my throat! And now I just feel bloated.

I can't be eating steak and potatoes every night. Especially not in the summer. I wonder if I can find a way to take it with a big gulp of water so that it doesn't touch my mucosa. 

I know I did something that gave me no heartburn for a full day. I just don't know what. Someone mentioned splitting the tablets might make it worse. I kind believe it, especially if the tablet is coated. 

So we shall see. I'll try to give it the four weeks. I think I'm at week 2. Yep, it's only been 2 weeks. Oh well. 

So today was payday. 

I updated my income and expenses spreadsheet.

My balances look really good. Large sums of money make me happy!

It was nice to be reminded that I reached Lean FIRE last year.

Overall, I am feeling excited about my move in this moment.

I almost requested my 3 weeks off in December from work. I'm just ready for the second half of the year to come!

Next week I have to buckle down and get some work done.

Then I hope to be able to have that week on site free from any project work.

Then wait around for 2 weeks.

Then I go visit Newtown. And then move.

I wasn't sure I wanted to move in August, but I'm getting more onboard with the idea. 

Thursday morning check-in

 So I'm sitting outside and I love it! I woke up looking forward to it. I even used an extension cord because I was out of battery. 

I feel like the people on House Hunters who are always talking about having their coffee out on their porch our outdoor area. Yay! This is a part of my day that I enjoy.  I want outdoor space and furniture in Newtown.

I noticed, duh, some parts of the day are cooler than others. So the mornings, I'm in the shade and in the evening, the shade comes back.

Last night was another fitful night of sleep. There was a lot of coughing. It's either my pills or eating apples and peanut butter 2 hours before bed. It was not great.

I think I had 1 good day of no heartburn symptoms this week.

I have real work tasks to do but I'm pretending I don't. For a moment yesterday, I started to daydream about having a life outside of work. Like being retired. Part of me keeps thinking I need to work because I at least need the distraction. But now I'm starting to wonder, if things will be different once work is removed completely. 

Will my mindset shift? I don't know. 

Real retirement has been hard to simulate because the time off feels finite so you want to use it a different way. 

Anyway, that little blip of 'what-if' was interesting.

In other news, I'm observing more and more how I don't ask for what I want and still grappling with what I want to do about it. 

The more I hear other people lament their change in circumstance when their partner is absent, the more I want to scream - WHAT ABOUT ME!!! That's my reality 24/7. No support on any front!

It's amazing. But for the first time in awhile, I was watching couple-y stuff and didn't long for it. There's something about eliminating that unknown that feels calming. 

I think it's just an adjustment after that intense need that came out of nowhere. 

Something has bitten my back but I refuse to go indoors!

Okay, the house sale money has caused a bit of a conundrum. I know I want to buy brokered CDs, cuz the plan is to keep it liquid until I retire and/or find a reasonable housing budget. And also earn at least 5% interest.

However, for tracking purposes, I also wanted to be able to nickname my account so I don't forget. But Broker 1 doesn't allow that. And it also wouldn't let me schedule the transfer, so it has to be manual.

Broker 2 does allow nicknames and would let me schedule a transfer. But I would need to open yet another account, which I really didn't want to do. 

I mostly want to move these funds out of regular circulation and I need them to stop showing up as cash on my budget app so that I can have a better idea of how much Cash I have in regular circulation. Note- it's only meant to be 10k.  So now, I'm rethinking my plan. For now, maybe I'll just do a 6 month CD and see how this year plays out. 

Plan for today

- Therapy

- Might go get some bread

- Do my PT exercises

If I come out again, I might do some work.

Wed p.m. check-in

 Feeling good. I remembered to take my magic beans this morning with my morning waffles. I just got really hungry/ low blood sugar. So I toasted some waffles. No syrup as I don't have any.

Ate outside.

Brushed my teeth.

Changed my shirt and even did my hair for my video interview.

I wonder what's next. I have a high level of confidence I'll move to the next step. But I think there will be a delay because the hiring manager is out of the office next week, and I'm traveling the week after.

Oh well. Somehow, I am already counting the dollars in my head.

I am thinking though, if I do get serious again about pursuing a second job, I'd probably have better luck in this field. 

I don't actually want to be a Widget Wicker though. I want a more background role.

Oh well.

For some reason I feel good like I just got hired.

I had a nice nervous trip to the restroom, so that's probably why I feel so light.

I've really been wanting some good bread. I finally had the good sense to look up Panera Bread. Duh! And yes, they do sell bread! So I might go get some sometime this week. Then on Friday when I have therapy, I plan to go pick up some treats for the weekend.

I realize I still have trouble asking for what I want, even little stuff - like getting the sink fixed. Something about it just turns me off. 

While I was waiting this morning, I sat outside and updated my financial spreadsheet.

I'm at about $20k spend for the year, an that includes a $4k medical bill. I hemmed and hawed a bit over where to put some of the incidental purchases related to the move. So for now, I'm at least categorizing the cost of this apartment as housing - Part 2. 

So, in case you were wondering, for the 6 months in Pandemic House this year, my costs were < $5k. Wow, right!

Considering July is a couple days away, I've all but given up on a getaway. I think July is just for staying out of the sun. Maybe I'll go to the pool? Probably not.

I think for future years, maybe starting in 2024, since there's not major cuts or trims I need to make to my expenses, I will not be tracking as minutely. I'll keep bigger categories to match my budget app. 

I was a little concerned that I kind of forgot about the CD/securities I bought this year. So, I'm not that good at tracking anymore. I spend a lot of time planning and plotting up until the run-up. Then once I make the transaction, I just forget about it.

That's why I'm so glad I have the tracking app. It would really be too much to manage otherwise!

On a good note, I did save $36k for this year already, so that goal is done and dusted. I can theoretically spend the rest of what I make for 2023. Which is still 6 more months of salary. But even without changing anything, I have about $3600/mon for the rest of the year, and that's with still saving a bunch of money. So I'll probably leave that for now. Who knows how the rest of the year is going to go. It makes it easy to plan a trip to Africa for December, at least financially. I'm still not sure how much I want to spend. 

On a more serious note - a committee member was going on again about my bra-less ness. It reminded me of when we first met in The South. Just that general theme of not really being accepted for who I am always made to feel different. It started with comments like that. Something I've been doing my whole life that's never been an issue, but somehow really bothered her. 

I don't know...it just was an interesting reminder why it's time to leave and that sometimes I do wonder if I never should have moved to The South. I didn't trust the algorithm. But that's big picture stuff. Too big for my little brain.

Other than that...my house-sale check finally cleared. So it's still 2 more moves before it reaches its final destination. 

I'm expecting a few more refunds related to home ownership expenses. I think to make it easier, I'll just add it to the cell of the house-sale proceeds vs trying to itemize them.

I think that's it. Between now and next week, I need to do my work task. Groan. 

Made some bookings

 I finally started to feel better today. My colleague reminded me about the company picnic since I'll already be on site for work, I decided to make plans to attend. I invited Maryland Aunty (and of course instantly regretted it). But instead of spending anymore mental energy on the decision, I just bought two tickets.

Money to the rescue!

I paid for a refundable ticket to leave the Friday after the training. And I used points to pay for a ticket to leave Saturday after the company picnic.

So we'll let the next 2 weeks decide.

People are flaky, so you make accommodations where you can.

It's so funny because I was just patting myself on the back about not falling for the 'why don't you stay longer' ruse. And here I am staying an extra day. Oh well. I love a good picnic and free food. 

And it'll make it all the sweeter to come back to my apartment. Whoops, I probably need another outfit. So this was clearly not that well planned out. Oh well. 

I did make it to physical therapy and I have another appointment this week. My specialist was very thorough. Now it's just a matter of doing my exercises. 

I did a load of laundry and put some dishes in the dishwasher while I was trapped on a long phone call. I made it a bit of a game.

Last night in my sleepless slumber, I was thinking I need a routine of like 3 things I do a day just to structure my day. Something I do no matter what. 

It has to be enough so it has an impact, but not so much effort that it feels like a chore. 

I'm pretty sure I'm getting a cavity on my left upper teeth. Which will suck because it's totally preventable...if I would just brush my teeth. But I just have no motivation to do it. 

That's all for now. Going to finish up the last episode of 7 Little Johnstons. 

I feel strangely anxious

 It's starting to feel like I'm living in a cushy prison. The four walls are closing in on me. 

I'm not sure why I feel this way. Maybe it's my interview tomorrow. I prepped a couple questions, but that's about it. 

I also hate waiting for appointments when there's a gap between the last one and the next one. I have my physical therapy appointment today in like 4 hours from my last meeting.

I had a list of tasks to do today, but I was not feeling one iota of motivation. Usually, by Tuesday, I can get motivated to plow through the tasks. But today I'm not feeling it. 

Was it just last week that I was closing on my house. Wow, can we spend some time in that moment. The check hasn't even cleared. 

The house feels cluttered so my mind feels cluttered. I probably need to tidy up a bit. 

Luckily, nothing I have to do is pressing. But yeah I feel strangely overwhelmed. So much so that I just want to lay here. 

I can't believe 4th of July is this weekend. My oh my where has the time gone! I wonder if anyone will be at work on Monday.

It'll be good to do my financial check-in this weekend. Or this week. Or in the middle of the night. 

I'm constipated too, so that also affects my mood. 

Today is just a blah day. And I was so no blah yesterday. 

Feelin good

 It's after 7p. 

Accomplishments

- Made first Hello Fresh meal = hamburgers, still good!

- Didn't burn down the house

- Engaged on social media app to meet people

- Getting excited about moving (it comes and goes)

- Got TP out of my car! 

- Put the trash out for pickup

Got the fan on and it feels good

I sat outside for about 40 minutes just browsing the internet

I really want to get in the habit of a night time routine. I want to wash the oil slick off my face. But not quite there yet. I remembered to take magic beans during my full meal. Decided to move the pill bottle to the living room since I've been spending more time here. And it's where I eat!!

 I feel good right now. The food I made and ate is digesting. The waxy potatoes don't make as good of pan roasted wedges. I'm a Russet girl or a sweet potato girl. And I was right that fancy Philly apartment had a fancy oven. The blower was high speed and it pre-heated really quickly. This oven takes at least 15 minutes, and sometimes I stick food in there while it's pre-heating and the food is done before it's done pre-heating. Go figure!

I wish I could transport this apartment to Newtown. I love the sidewalks and how close it is to some other happenings. And that it's furnished! Professionally. And the balcony. I love it! 

I think I decided a new rule for hoarding stuff, for as much as it makes sense, don't plan to save things I won't use in the next 30 days. I'm mostly looking at my airline miles. So I think, with an acceptable level of uncertainty, I'll go ahead and cash in my 20k+ points for a one way ticket to a destination in the same time zone! Lol, not the best redemption, but oh well. 

I still haven't reached that level of stability where I can plan a trip as far in advance as December. I mean look at my life right now. I am homeless!

Well, I just wanted to document a feelin good post since those don't pop up very often.

Toodles!

Monday Check-In

 So had an 8a meeting. Since I've been doing the sleep whenever routine, I woke up quite groggy. But after my first meeting, I'm mostly awake. I got the trash ready for pick-up. So that's a win. A lot of people on the call this morning had wild amounts of experience. So I need to stop feeling like I don't deserve my title. 

I tried to speak up more, but I forgot this isn't the right audience. But my grandboss was on the call, so I felt a little motivated. 

But the star of the morning was I moved forward for the job I applied for! Yay! It was in my inbox before 8 a.m. after a phone screen on Friday. So that's awesome! I'd almost forgotten about it.

I won't get too excited because I've done many a phone screen before. But it is pretty cool.

I feel nervous for some reason.

I need to book my ticket for my work trip but I am hemming and hawing to use my miles because the redemption is pretty poor. So I'm conflicted between just using it and moving on (a new mentality I'm trying to adopt) and waiting to see if I can get better redemption. 

I looked yesterday for a flight to Miami in December and it was only 11k miles.  But because I have to wait until pretty much November to book lodging, it's unlikely I'll be able to get that sweet, sweet redemption. So part of me feels like I should just go ahead and use these points and can restart the travel hacking process when I'm more focused. 

Well my interview is scheduled for Wednesday. So that's exciting! 

Last night my recurring thought was to cover the items in my car with the sheet so it's less visible. We shall see. 

6p check-in

 So Sunday is here. It's after 5p. So I can officially start thinking about the work week. My Hello Fresh box came and is in the fridge. They even included dairy free buns. 

I'm starting to feel a little antsy about the weeks ahead.

July is a weird time.

I have an 8a meeting to start the week off which should be fine. 

I actually have a work meeting the same time as male therapist this week. I was already wanting to cancel that meeting anyway, so now I have a legitimate excuse.

I am starting to feel the scaries creeping back in, so I might sit outside or do some walking.

I ate too many snacks and I have that bloated feeling. Where you're probably still hungry but feel uncomfortably full. 

I booked some items for a visit to Newtown in August, but all are fully cancellable so pretty low stakes. However, I did pause a bit. I still kind of want to make this move in September for some reason. But we'll let the algorithm decide.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed, so added some tasks to my task board and that helps. Pretty much, not much to do for the next 2 weeks, so I can relax until after my work trip is over. 

I think before when I was anxious to leave Pandemic House, I wanted to get to Newtown as quickly as possible. But now, since I'm enjoying my Interim Apartment, I don't mind taking my time. But I guess time will tell if I truly enjoy staying in Interim Apartment for 2 more months or even if I get to stay or get bumped. 

Maybe I'll just walk up and down the street to pound out some feelings.

Other than that, tomorrow should be a fine day. I might sleep on the couch again.

I guess I'm going into full Summer Slumber Party!

Maybe I'll take a 5 minute leg stretch and eat some apples and watch the sun go down. 

Oh joy!

 Sunday is off to a great start. My Hello Fresh delivery is here. And the buns for the burgers are dairy free. Oh joy! 

I challenged myself and spoke to the concierge. I even tested out the TVs in the lounge and it wasn't that easy to get what I want. So I opted to just buy Discovery Plus and watch TLC on my iPad.

If it's still cool outside, I will sit outside.

I'm going to get some donuts for my treat day.

Luckily it's almost noon so half the day is gone. Yay!

Last night I just gave up on trying to find a routine for sleeping. I wasn't going to sleep through the night anyway, so I just fell asleep when I got drowsy. I was up around 2a to around 4 or 5a. And then awoke around 10a and lazed around till 11a.

Going to get donuts.

Then relax and chill.

Later I might try to see if the lockbox has a key for the backdoor; that would make my life so much easier! 

That's all for now!

Saturday p.m. check-in

 Well it's almost 8p and I'm pretty much out of things to do. I read a bunch of blogs. Watched some Big Brother. Sat outside until after 1p. It was surprisingly warm and nice. Not too hot, until it was. Then I walked a few blocks to pick up a rotisserie chicken. I can't find any good bread or else it would make really good chicken sandwiches. I made a pack of Knorr rice sides. Not as salty as I thought. So at least I have dinner for tomorrow if I don't feel like making anything from the meal kit. 

Watching game shows on repeat. I thought I might want to use an apartment lounge for my TV watching tomorrow but now I think I might get Discovery Plus. 

There's a donut shop I might visit tomorrow for a treat. Just trying to make Sunday as fun and non-emotional as possible. 

It probably will be good to visit the lounge tomorrow just to get out of the house. Although I did a lot today.

Also, I went to McDonald's yesterday to get my free fries. And while the fries were hotter and not soggy limp like my old town, they still weren't particularly tasty. So I can forego that deal for the rest of the summer.

So tomorrow's plan is to get some donuts and watch some TLC. 

While I liked Interim Town when I first got here, I'm getting antsy to leave The South. I think it will be a fine place to stopover but it's not my forever place at the moment.

I'm just taking each day as it comes. The Game shows keep stalling.  I might try to update my budget spreadsheet to pass the time.

I'm getting sleepy. 

Saturday a.m. check-in

 I showered! And flossed and brushed my teeth! Unprompted! I just felt like it.

This has to be a good sign. I've been in Interim Town for a week now, and it still feels really good. Tomorrow will be the real test. Although when I looked back on my mood app, there haven't been Sunday tears in a few weeks. Although I felt like there were, maybe I didn't document it.

So it might be a combo of a few things - no more home ownership; steps taken to New Town; and magic beans. Oh, well.

I had a lot of thoughts last night of things I wanted to write about, but now it escapes me. 

Also, dogs are gross.

I read this book by Helen Hoang who identifies as an author on the spectrum. It re-inforced for me that I do have some spectrum tendencies, and I'm learning to be okay with it.

Some observations:

- I interacted with 2 committee members heavily yesterday. And instead of being annoyed, I actually came out of the conversations fairly peacefully. Instead of being upset that people aren't who I need them to be, I realized I can just take what I need from them and leave the rest. I needed help with some work stuff and a potential opportunity outside of work, and I got that from one member. The other one mostly just provided a distraction in what was going to be an otherwise dull Friday.

So that worked out. Ordinarily, I would have been more bothered that they weren't that invested or inquisitive about my selling and moving. But oh well. Now that it's done, there is a secret pride to knowing I did it by myself.

But it was again very telling that real estate investment is not something I would enjoy. There are just parts of caretaking that I don't enjoy. Even of myself. And I can recognize that as a limitation. That was one of the themes from the Helen Hoang book as well. It's part of the guilt I felt taking care of Aunty MERJ, but I think with time I can release it. It's not a strength. It's not something I enjoy. And I know there's more to life than doing things you enjoy, but those are the reasons why it was hard for me. 

Being a human is hard. It's why I've done my part to stop making more humans. There's nothing more I can do. (I mean I guess start the revolution...but I'm not going to do that.)

I'm starting to see my future come more into focus. Nothing concrete yet. But I feel like I have new places for the data. I think it will revolve around a lot on me and care taking of me. Doing things I enjoy and refrain from looking for answers to all the tough questions.

I'd also like to celebrate I have been more comfy in my independence as of late. Yay!

Some new decisions:

- A work trip is coming up. And through a series of unfortunate events, I got approved for train travel. But from Interim Town, it's a base trip of 10 hours + whatever heat delay. So I'm looking at a 12 hour trip. After some thought, I decided to just buy a plane ticket. It's at most about $300 but I'm willing to absorb the cost to make the trip more pleasant. And even though it's not a travel expense covered by work, the money they pay me does cover it. I'm even thinking of cashing in my 22k points for one leg of the trip just to get rid of them. Holding on to points and gift cards just make me anxious. I'm also getting out of saving consumer items for the apocalypse. I'm not reusing paper towels and other consumable goods for the time being. 

So this is definitely not the redemption gold I would hope for but it solves an immediate need. (That being said, I am sleeping on it.)

- I also decided to go ahead and book my event ticket for New Town. I was unsure if I wanted to fly or drive. But when you plug it into The Algorithm, driving by that time seems less likely considering I have to be in Interim Town until July 15. So I'll be doing that later today. 

Also, even though I'm not participating in any of the social events around me because I haven't met anyone yet, it's nice to see people walking about. I look for inspiration, and this helps. I am on the ground floor so I see people walking all day. And I can see people playing in the park. I am someone who benefits from models and examples. So this helps. 

Also, also. I am still battling wicked acid reflux but taking the magic beans with food has helped a lot. I don't feel the sloshy gut and the fire in my throat as constantly. I also started taking sips of water throughout the day rather than big gulps. That helps to mitigate the burn temporarily. 

So not much on tap for today. I'm going to buy my event ticket. I might start updating my financial tracker spreadsheet in prep for Q2 check-in. 

I really hope to find a resident lounge to have a TLC day tomorrow. 

Oh, my phone screen yesterday went really well! I fully expect to hear from them in the next couple of weeks.

I have some corn on the cob I'm really excited about eating because I have been cooking it in the microwave. So you get a fun treat after just 3 minutes. 

That's all for now.

Yay to fat check over home ownership!!!

Friday check-in

 It's okay today. Finally got approved for work travel. But they want me to take the train. It's 10 hours! And it will be slow because it'll be very hot in July!

Oh well.

Someone else is getting told to come into the office or else. Yikes! So my instincts are right to stay under the radar.

I will probably just buy a flight. There's no part of me that wants to take a 10 hour train ride. 

Not sure what I'm going to do this weekend. I want to make Sunday a treat day for myself. Still thinking about having a family game night. I might try to find a lounge for a TLC day. Yeah, that's the default plan.

I washed some dishes while on the phone with my aunt. The big plates don't fit in the dishwasher but there are nice shallow bowls so those might be my eating dishes along with the smaller plates.

I thought about using paper plates but the apartment is too fancy for that. 

$240

 Sweet, I had the great idea to use my garage sale funds towards replenishing new household supplies for my new apartment! Genius!

I was having some trouble letting go of regular household items like - toilet paper, garbage bags, soap, etc... because it sucks to buy those things again in 2 months.

But since I wasn't really selling my garage sale items for profit, I didn't really have a job for that money. In fact, I hadn't even bothered counting it until now.

I was just going to let it linger in my wallet until I needed cash. It's also nice to have as I'm in a new place and generally a good idea to travel with cash for unforeseen things. 

But my brilliant mind was like...duh, just use that money for your next place! So I counted it out and it's about $240 plus the $45 Walmart gift card I got from returning some unused household items. 

That's almost $300. That's a great amount of money to replenish knick knacks and will certainly take the sting off! 

So I took it out of my wallet and clipped it with a note. Now I just have to remember to use it in 2 months!

That's pretty much all I came here to say.

Still having some serious discussions with my gut - I'm tackling gas/bloating from what I believe is acid reflux from these magic beans. Ugh. 

Luckily I had an early start to the workday today so I should be able to log off soon. 

No big plans for the weekend. I might walk around the neighborhood and do some outside sitting. Luckily it'll be easy to do both. I located my tennis shoes so I can don those when I'm ready.

I think I might do the online boardgame meetup tonight as well. I might even do it outside if I'm feeling frisky! Yasss, I love this idea for me! 

I'm all prepped for tomorrow's phone screen.

TTFN!

Thurs check-in

 It's done! Not sure if I posted yesterday, but in case I didn't. I'm home-free!! Currently unhoused and loving it.

It hasn't fully hit me yet, I supposed. Maybe it'll come in waves.

I did get the final email saying Congrats on closing! 

I removed an old Meetup group from my old hometown. 

I updated some info from my old mortgage servicer. And yes my loan is paid off. 

I have to cancel home insurance today and confirm the utilities are no longer in my name. But that's pretty much the last of the active tasks.

It's so weird. Something that required so much planning and forethought, and I just unceremoniously drove away. Whoa.

I moved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sold my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I even looked up some brokered CDs yesterday. Still planning to park the money for now.

I looked at my notes on the Home Bridging Fund. The deets are a little fuzzy because it was all hypothetical. 

But I think ultimately the money will be used to supplement my housing for as long as that makes sense.  The most ideal path is to wait to retire after I reach millionaire status, than that money gets dumped into the market. 

But I think anything that's not that, the money is earmarked to supplement housing. Since my cheap housing was a crucial reason I held on to that house. So this is a financial fund as well as an emotionally security fund.

Also, side note, at just a quick glance, I've made almost $200 in interest from all these high yield savings accounts I got lying around. Which is awesome! 

Okay so other life updates...

- This heartburn is still pretty troublesome. I'm so afraid to sleep lying down. Didn't get much sleep last night. Ended up dozing off during a 9a meeting and was the only one left on the meeting. Whoops!

Well glad I was able to get a few ZZZZs in. My 9:30a mtg with Ice Queen got cancelled, so now I'm just waiting for my therapy appointment in 1 hour.

I decided to get out of the bed to kind of get the day going. Otherwise I'd probably be drifting in and out of sleep.

Plan for the day:

- Relax, enjoy, simmer

- Therapy

- Call home insurance

- Confirm utilities cancelled

- Make breakfast - bacon and eggs

- Plan for recruiter screen tomorrow - #all lies

Okay, be back later! 

It's done!

 I picked up my check! And in 5 business days, I will be 40k richer!!

So many feelings!

I got bacon and eggs and sparking juice to celebrate. Yum! Living the high life here.

It's all sinking in slowwwwwwwwwwwwly. I think with each passing minute, I feel an invisible burden lifted.

I will celebrate myself. Punctuate my own moment. I am a little happy I am having this moment to myself.

Wow! 

I was deliberating on which bank to use to avoid a hold but I just double checked one of my other banks and they do a hold on amounts over $25k, so I feel better.

Yasssssss!

It's a sweet feeling but only as I type this.

It was rainy and I had to do city driving, but all is well, friends! All is well!

I feel amazing!

I think tomorrow I need to follow up with my mortgage servicer and cancel home owner's insurance. And I think that's it folks!

I'm freeeeeeeeeee!

Work is still being silly about our July workshop but I remain largely unconcerned. I can't think of what I want to watch to celebrate this personal victory.

Also I have a phone screen on Friday. It's fun just to dream about what it would be like to have a second stream of income. 

Right now, without setting a goal...more of a projection, I would like to comfortably be at $650k by the end of the year. If I were to dream out loud...with a second job... I could probably be at $700k by the end of the year.

But I'm quite happy with $650k by years end. As when the check clears, I'll be nearly there.

My bacon is sizzling. My cinnamon rolls are aromatic.

It's a good cozy day to be me!

Oh, one thing I've been forgetting to include here - I'm phasing out of the accumulation portion of my life in many areas... I'm looking at you household goods. I have earrings and even a box of paper towels that I was just holding onto waiting for some unknown special moment. Just hoarding. But with FORTY YEARS of data, that day isn't coming.

So I'm using all my special plates, forks, knives, ziploc bags, and fancy clothes. I will use as I feel. I am the special event. Gosh, darn! 

So look for those changes upcoming.

Time for bacon!

Wed, 11a, preliminary closing

 So I had a small flurry of activity regarding the closing. It was a bit exciting. I have to say seeing the final proceeds amount was kind of invigorating.

It almost makes it all worth it.

Notably, it doesn't spark an interest in real estate investing. Which says something. I like the way it feels to receive money. I get more of a kick getting my bank bonuses which are only hundreds of dollars. 

Getting $40k on a house that I was going to live in anyway is the ultimate boon, hack...whatever you want to call it. But I oddly don't feel a strong desire to repeat the experience. I actually feel lucky to make it out with any money. Even though the payout did factor into my decision to give up the house, I still feel fortunate to receive anything and it's definitely unexpected.

So if all goes well, by 5p, I should be $40k richer. I decided to top it off with the maintenance fund I was hoarding to $50k and label that my Home Bridging Fund. Tuck that away into some brokered CDs and call it a day. 

It'll probably take a few days to get it to the right place, but luckily I don't need it right away. 

It feels so weird. One day I had a house, and the next day...I didn't. 

So it's going to be a fidgety rest of day.

I wonder how I will feel mentally to be completely rid of this part of my life. That has been interesting to experience - the freeing of mental space. 

I still love my Interim Apartment and have already enjoyed sitting out on the patio once. It was a nice warm breeze. 

When I start cooking, I hope I remember to eat outside.

Also, I'm glad I decided to pick up the check. It'll feel so good to hold it in my hand!

Wed a.m. check-in

 It's day 3 in the Interim Apartment. Still going well. I technically close today. I still have so many unanswered questions - are they paying off my mortgage - both of them. Also, how do they know how to do that?? Do they pay my portion of the property tax? Do I have to cancel the homeowner's insurance myself or is someone doing that? (I guess I'll see when I get the bill)

In sleeping news, still not sleeping well. I don't think I went to bed until midnight and was up again at 2a. I am too scared for some reason to turn up the air. That cold forced air on my skin is just such an uncomfortable feeling. 

But I think there was also some heartburn. It's either the pills, the Hunan Chicken, or the chocolate I ate yesterday. I really hope it's not any of the last 2 because the Chinese food didn't even taste spicy to me. And if I had to give up chocolate, well... that would not be awesome.

I got charged for the cleaning service so I guess I can conclude that they went in and cleaned. It was kind of weird not really knowing what they did. So by noon today, I should get some feedback from either the buyer or the closing attorney for next steps.

In frugal news, I saved $100 for hand delivering the docs since I was already here and for choosing a paper check over a wire. So there's that.

And I was thinking, even though I can't seem to get any more free boxes from Hello Fresh, the $30 for a week of dinners is about what I spent on 1 trip to Whole Foods for snacks! So yeah, I can't even think twice about it. 

I feel tired mostly because I haven't slept. Not being able to sleep feels a lot like being sick. You're just kind of stuck. I'm glad I don't have to do any kind of focused work I guess or else that would not make me a very happy worker. 

Not sure what the plan is for today, but it's wet out so probably staying in unless I have to go pick up a check. I already said I'm not putting that off.

I'm so glad I decluttered my car a bit and decluttered my suitcase. My mind feels clearer.  I can't believe I'm one step closer to being house-free. It feels like a blur. 

So what happens now? I'm not really sure. 

Oh! Work trip. It's been quite the kerfuffle with our team trying to get approval for travel. I really don't care if I get to travel or not. But I'm hoping the fact that I'm not taking a train won't be an issue. We shall see. 

Tuesday check-in

 Today was a great day!

I got a lot done on my list. I didn't sleep well last night but the day still worked out. Because I didn't sleep well, I was not fully awake for the 8a webinar. Luckily it did not pertain to my direct role. I had a meeting with my manager. His marriage of 30 years ended; and according to him, his wife drove the divorce! Whoa. He says he went from a big house by the water to an apartment in the city. I wonder what he did to make her leave a 30 year marriage at 60!! Wowzers!

In other news, I got a lot of stuff done on my task list so my mental load is getting clearer and clearer. As my therapist says, I'm going to free up a lot of mental space. So true!

Accomplishments

- unloading some of car

- decluttering some of car

- getting heavy cart out of car

- decluttering 2 suitcases

- mentally thinking about just getting rid of quite replaceable household items that are in the end just nice to have

- dropping off paperwork to lawyer

- grocery shopping

- not thinking twice about getting some chinese that was close by the internet store

- dropping off old internet equipment

- calling Maid service to give code; so far I haven't gotten any calls about access issues so presumably everything should be hunky dory

- made appointment for physical therapy; even though my shoulder doesn't hurt much right now

- finally figured out how to watch some shows on the rental's TV..sheesh!

- got some Hello Fresh to start me off

It feels really good to feel moved in. And got some more visibility in my car. I feel good about where all my stuff is. I wasn't sure if I had enough summer clothes, but I have a few things I can wear. and it's not like I'm going anywhere. I thought I had packed my blue dress though, but alas, it's nowhere to be found. 

I also was at the grocery store and decided to celebrate this transition with some sparkling white grape juice. I forgot I like that! And the rental has wine glasses so it will be very fancy! It was $5 at the regular grocery store but next time I go out, I might stop at the Walmart. I suspect it'll be $3 there. 

I think I might go pick up my check tomorrow. If it's ready, there's no use delaying it. I will deposit it and just wait to transfer it. Whoa! This is really happening. I haven't even had time to think about what's next. Just going to let this simmer for a bit. 

It feel awesome!! 

Monday check-in

 Greetings!

It's Monday and after a very rough night, I'm feeling good. I might need to change the time I take my anti-depressant. Yeah, it's the first time I'm saying those words. Futurely, known as Magic Beans. 

I had a coughing spell last night and it was just a miserable night of sleep. At least that's back to normal after a record 7-10 day sleeping spell. I think I'm still too warm even with the fan. So I'm going to try to turn the air up tonight. I ended up having to fall asleep sitting up.

So maybe today I'll try taking the beans at 8p, way before I need to sleep.

I got overwhelmed thinking about what to do with my day and what to eat. So I started with just going to Whole Foods. It was a bit far, but I did it. I probably won't go back anytime soon.

I got some yummy snacks though. Cheezballs, some very juicy pineapple, pita chips, not so good hummus, and cookies. I know the brand of hummus I like, but they were out and I already had a craving for chips. It's the Whole Foods brand and it's way too creamy. And really not that tasty, I'm afraid.

The pineapple tasted as good as it looked even for $4. It was that nice golden sweet color and *chef's kiss*. 

I wasn't sure about the hot bar but I saw some plain sweet potatoes and decided to go with that. So got 5 green beans and a small piece of fish and a piece of pork as back-up. The sweet potatoes were what the doctor ordered. I wonder if boiled egg and sweet potato is the ultimate food. Egg is the perfect protein. And sweet potato is good because it's hearty and has a little bit of sweetness.

Still need to do a bunch of errands tomorrow and unpack some of the car. 

Oh before I left I had to go to USPS to do ID verification. So I'm glad I got that done.

I made it!

 It's 4p and I'm in my summer housing. I made it, friends! It's boiling hot and I already took a shower. That's how hot it was.

I had grand plans of unloading some more stuff out of my car but I took 2 trips and called it quits for the day. I don't know what I'm going to do about food but going back in the heat and parallel parking is not the answer!

I am definitely overstuffed in the car. So I'm going to toss all the household kitchen stuff, laundry, basket and hangers. My goal is to make room for my 2 suitcases to go in the trunk instead of in the front seat.

I emptied the way too heavy cooler lunch bag I have and it's a bunch of nonsense. So, if I don't eat it here, it's not going with me if I get bumped.

I need to consolidate my 2 suitcases anyway and those 2 mugs are going in one of the bins or the kitchenware bag.

I'm not lugging anything extra around for the rest of the summer.

Plus it makes it trickier to drive. 

But yes, nerves aside. The guy came by to pick up the futon. And we were in business! I'm so glad that worked out because no one else inquired about it! 

I have the signed and notarized documents. Not sure if I've updated since then but I ended up driving 2 hours each way to the lawyer's office. And now that it's done, it seems like such a small task. Oh well.

I'm one step closer to the next chapter.

I'm glad at the last minute I decided to drive west instead of 6 hours north to DC.  I'm 10% of the way to Newtown. 

I feel like I can now start concentrating on Newtown stuff. Since the house sale is 99% completed. I even opted to get a paper check rather than spend the $50 for a wire. I didn't know there was a charge and I had to think about it for a few minutes. 

So the summer housing, part 1 is pretty nice. It's like a whole village of units with a lot of amenities - gym, sauna, pool, hot tub, outdoor fitness area. I'm not sure I'm going to take advantage of it all because it's so hot. But we shall see. I'm just considering this time a Summer Hideaway. Just waiting out the summer. 

I think I'll save consolidating the car for a task during the week. No housing related chores on the weekend! 

I'm a little concerned about my car because I don't have a parking pass. But ..wait just went to the concierge desk and you can park on the street! Sweet. That's what I thought because the other cars didn't have any permits, but I'm glad I checked. I can rest more easily now. 

I love a good fan and I have 2!

I'm excited to play around with the temperature to find my coziest sleep temp.

Probably won't brush today and it's really only 4p but I don't want to go back in that heat. I just melt!

Tomorrow is off from work. Hooray! I'm glad I built in that day after all. Yippee!

Friendssssssss, I can't believe I did it. I moved out of my house! I bought and paid for a house and maintained it for 3 years with NO SUPPORT! None! And I even got a nice little rebate for my efforts. Sweet cakes! I am really hungry though. I tried to eat before I came but did not have much of an appetite. 

I think it's only because I told myself I'm not going back out tonight. Oh well, we shall see. I do have some rice and spam and oatmeal if it gets too serious. I could also order something. 

I'm super pumped about my new adventure and looking forward to what's next. 

I still can't believe I moved out of my house. It will never stop being weird to experience big milestones with no one to witness it. It feels surreal.

I kind of want to celebrate. I want some cake. Maybe I can go out just without unpacking...

Friday update

 So I was very sleepy and anxious all day. During my therapy session, the lawyer called and my therapist told me to pick it up. In the end she convinced me to go to the lawyer's office and get the documents I needed. It took 2 hours to drive there on what turned out to be back roads!

I was very groggy but made it there alive, thank goodness! My lawyer was very nice and she explained what I was signing. So in the end it was a good decision vs trying to figure it out on my own.

She even helped me to decide to get a paper check and gave me the paperwork to drop off at the buyer's lawyer. 

So that's all that's left to do on the transactional side... I think.

My stomach is feeling weird but I told myself if I make it to the lawyer's office, I could get Chik Fil A for the drive home. So I did! It was okay. 

The drink is always way too much for me. 

I feel totally unprepared to load up my car tomorrow. I've been thinking about staying until Tuesday. But that will probably be hectic because I'll have to pretend to be logged on and also meet the cleaners. I guess there's always Monday. 

I just feel out of sorts. But in the end I'm glad I got this bit of paperwork done. Even if it took 5 hours out of my day.

Luckily, I had nothing else to do.

I'm still feeling quite drowsy. 

I want to relax and watch a few comedies. We'll see how I feel in the morning. The easiest thing to do is probably just stick with the plan. 

Load up the car Saturday. Move in Sunday. Rest Monday.

I thought I wouldn't need the rest day since this week was a light week but I was also very sleepy. So I might need the extra day of sleep, I suppose.

But somehow my heart's not quite in it. Not sure what that's about.

Friday a.m. check-in

 I feel out of sorts. Not sure how else to describe it.

I've been languishing about pretty much since last weekend. Just an insatiable need to sleep. I thought it was low mood but now I'm not sure.

I'm hungry but don't want to eat that leftover salmon.  Maybe some oatmeal?

I hate summer. 

Weighing on my mind:

- Waiting for lawyer

- Waiting on short term rental to approve my application

- Should I move to Town 1 or Town 2? Town 1 logistically is easier - can sign documents in person and schedule physical therapy. And I can probably stay until Tuesday. Town 2 - somehow it seems more fun, but that unit is on the ground floor.

I'm shaky and I don't know why. 

I'm hoping I can enjoy the day, and not spend it in this weird anxious state. 

Yay, one more thing down!

 Ok, so the thrift store came and picked up all my unwanted items. No questions asked. They took everything! And they were so nice.

And it only took 9 minutes!

I can say unequivocally it would've taken me more time than that. It reminds me of when I moved during rotations to a 2nd floor apartment. It took me about 4 hours to unload my car. I hired movers when I was moving out and they took about 45 minutes. It was a little ridiculous.

So yeah, despite the runaround with the previous donation company, this was worthwhile! I wish I had contacted them earlier.

Oh well.

The lawyer responded but still hasn't emailed me anything. The workday is over for me. I'm not going anywhere. It's too hot. 

I don't think her timing is going to work out because she wants me to overnight something to her. It's going to have to wait until Tuesday I guess, there's not enough business days.

I thought about driving to her office, but it's a 90 minute drive. It's too hot and considering I'm driving again on Sunday, I opted out of that. 

So the last piece of the puzzle that affects me is making sure my short term rental is confirmed. I sent them an email this morning to confirm but nothing yet.

I'm only a little concerned because last summer another rental cancelled on me at the last minute. I'm not sure what I'll do if that happens here.

Probably just do the regular rental. I'll prob go to wherever is cheaper at that point. I tried to look at AirBnB but wasn't feeling it. 

But all in all, one thing off my list has left me with a lot of relief! I have 24 hours to enjoy my life until my next thing! 

Thurs a.m. check-in

 I feel strange. In my gut and in my throat.

I can't believe this is really happening. I'm moving out.

Some things still in the air:

- Ugh, my very busy lawyer has not gotten back to me. I don't know what happens next. But I sent her an email this morning.

- Will the donation people come this afternoon? Will I have to help?

- Oh yeah, am I about to be homeless? The short term rental company required some verification but am I verified? Are they going to confirm or do I need to follow-up with them? Um, I don't actually have a plan B.

Other than that, it's a pretty chill day. 

Wed night check-in

 The time feels both slowed and fast. But it's Wednesday and as has been happening, I'm a bit dazed and confused. 

It's weird to be camped out in one room of this big house. Yet nothing has really changed. It just feels like another episode of zombieland. I go through the motions but it's almost like it doesn't seem real. Like I'm just going through the motions.

I think this is what 3 years of isolation does to you. 

Well I went to the networking dinner really hoping for a steak and baked potato. But it was a pre-fixe menu. So I got dairy free salmon. And listened to the hard sell to join retail.

It was odd but I was not uncomfortable.

There was some yummy jumbo shrimp cocktail. And I got a to-go box with half my salmon. I never pay for salmon because I don't find it to be that delicious of a meat source for the price you pay in a restaurant. I'm fine with the frozen farm raised. 

Only 4 people attended and they had spots for 15! Yikes.

The big surprise was there was someone from my graduating class and she recognized me right away! But I (per usual) was so caught off guard, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't expecting to see anyone I knew!

So I feel a little weird about that, but luckily there were no consequences. I even started to believe the lie I was telling about wanting to work retail. Ha! All I wanted was some free steak.

But the dinner was lovely. I got to chat and nothing weird happened.

I can do this socializing thing.

I do want some dessert though. But it's almost 10p and I have to take magic beans soon.

My hair was blowing in the wind and I felt beautiful. And beauty is powerful.

Yalllllllllll! I'm about to move out of this house! It feels like the morning, afternoon, and evening were 3 different segments of a life, but not the same life. 

My life is a video game. 

Found $45 and oh yeah $600k

 Hey, friends!

I checked my budget app this morning and one of the banks was down for maintenance. Because I was so close to my next milestone, I figured, I'd check again after the maintenance window. 

And boy am I glad!

I have officially crested $600k! Yes, friends, your girl is a 6/10 millionaire! Hahah. I love it! And I can celebrate with just you. Because that's the way it worked out.

I'm so pumped for real! I thought I would need the proceeds of the house to make it to $600k this year, so I don't know how that happened. And I haven't even gotten back to the highs I had with some of my accounts. That's been almost 2 years now though. But this is really nice.

I'm not even setting any other milestone goal for this year. I'm just hopeful to carry this $600k into next year! 

Do you think I'll reach millionaire status by age 42. That was the age I thought I'd reach lean FI!! First I probably need to learn how to spell millionaire because I keep spelling it with 2 Ns. 

Anywho...today started off rough.

I guess I still like sleeping with the window open. It feels like summer and camping and nostalgic somehow. But I admittedly don't get the best sleep because I can hear the birds and other road noise way before the sun. But alas, it's only a few more days.

I feel a bit a bit nauseous and scared with the new med but overall I'm hanging in there.

Throwing away my old journals and blog posts yesterday made me pause but it's only temporary. There were some things in there that I just didn't remember. So while I'm hopeful of a great future, I still had to relinquish the past, as one therapist advised.

So as I've been echoing...I'm straddling couple different versions of my lifestory at the moment. This is truly a time of transition.

But let's celebrate all I did today

- Attended 2 work meetings

- Took two loads of trash and snuck in some old wood

- Got gas

- Put air in my tires (they probably need to be looked at but not sure)

- Rounded up the garbage

- Got rid of some other old wood

- Took down the shower curtain and rings

- Took down the security camera

- Emptied out kitchen cabinets and fridge

- And somehow had the bright idea to return some items back to Walmart rather than leave here for the next guests or toss. Genius! They were still in their packaging and not banged up. I was like whatever change is still found money AND I don't have to figure out what to do it.

Imagine my surprise when those 3 items added up to $45!

Yessss! I'm so glad I did it. Thank you, Walmart!

That will definitely help to re-stock my new place!

That felt good. 

For the rest of the day, I would like to:

- shower (maybe for the last time); well more like rinse off under the faucet 

- leave a bit early to make one more return to Lowe's

- then free steak dinner!

I don't have any undergarments for this dress I'm supposed to be wearing to the dinner, but I'm still going. I pulled out a couple things from donation and hope it works out. I don't even have shoes nearby, so I'm wearing my tennis shoes. 

Wed reflections

 Only 4 more nights in Pandemic House. I'm both overwhelmed with emotions and numbed? I feel stuck between synapses. I sleep but can't feel rested. I still feel so tired. 

I did the garbage pickup around the house. I'm waiting down a meeting so I can take 1 haul to the trash. Then I have to come back and pick up another haul. This kind of feels neverending. 

I started Sertraline last night. We shall see. I'm hoping to see an effect soon and give it a 3 month try. But I think I want to stick with a half tablet if I do start to feel better after the 1st month. 

Luckily, the garbage pickup didn't take that long or much effort or was too gross. Tiny cuts.

For some reason, I don't feel as ruthless as I did before. I'm wanting to keep things that I know I don't use. But I just might!

Mostly with cooking and random supplies. Each supply will cost at least $3 to replace. That's a lot of $3. But I have to try to remember that in 12 months, I'm hoping to really go minimal. I really want to stay with furnished rentals for awhile and get everything down to essentials that I can easily fit in my car without squeezing. 

But I know it's just recent bias that makes me think I need all this stuff. Something about a minimal lifestyle is really appealing to me. Just less decision making overall. Still I guess on this perpetual journey to streamline my life! 

But systems fail so I kind of have reached a point of diminishing returns. 

Anyway, for some reason I was dreading today. The list seems too long. And I'm already sweating. A LOT.

But I have 2 garbage runs, a Walmart return, and some minor things.

There is a part of me that wanted to tape up some of the plastic containers but it's under a couple of boxes and I don't feel like lifting right now. I'm still not sure what I want to do about a trash can. I don't feel like buying a new one, but who wants to carry around a trash can. That's dumb. So I guess it's going in the trash on Saturday. 

I just want to sleep. 

Tuesday mid-day update

 Although I have quite a long to-do list. It feels like the actual tasks were small. So after getting the runaround from Donation Center #1, they finally confirmed they don't accept clothes. That's not what your website says.

Luckily, I found another site to do pick-up on Thursday. Cutting it kind of close because I thought I could rely on Donation Center #1. Who knows why, after taking 3 weeks to get back to me. 

Then Cleaners can only come Thursday or Tuesday. Yikes! I was hoping for Friday- clean. Load up car. And drive away on Saturday.

New plan - Load up car Saturday. Drive away Sunday. Cleaners come Tuesday. Yikes! Talk about cutting it close!

Oh well. 

I tried to get car cleaned but they only wash the outside. What nonsense is that! Who cares if the outside of my car is dirty?! So there goes that plan.

I tried clicking around but the next detailing shop that came up charges $100. What?! Take me back to LA. You could get your car washed in and out by a human for like $20.

Well, we know now why my car hasn't been washed in YEARS!

Oh, well. So that's my update. I got all activated and not much else to do.

I'm saving the garbage roundup for tomorrow.

I second-guessed myself on some old journals but ended up shredding it. I just saw how sad I was. I think I might start taking the sertraline tonight.

I want a good outcome. 

Short-term rental company was asking for income verification. Too bad I registered for their site with old name and all my money stuff is in New Name. Yikes! I was able to finagle an old paystub. Hope it works!  Can you believe they wanted $75k in savings! What the frick?! Who has that! 

I still have a lot of energy to burn, but don't want to use it on packing. Not sure what to do with myself. 

Holy Cannoli!

 Well my account balances just crested $596k!

Whoa! I was hoping to reach $600k by end of the year, but I might be able to reach it by end of June! If it keeps going up, I might reach it by end of this week after we get paid! 

That is all! 

The Best Possible Outcome

 Been struggling a bit the last few days. I never knew I could sleep so much. Strange I can't seem to stay asleep at night. But let day come and it's all I wanted to do.

Looked up PERMA last night to see what I could do to make my next 12 months less distressing/ more desirable.

Overall, been having trouble coming up with the best possible outcome for this next phase and life in general. Afraid mostly because it feels unachievable. This morning this is what I have...

Best Possible Outcome

Physically - I am in great shape; I have an enviable body (being envied is apparently something I value); I am beautiful; my hair stops graying; my body stops aching; I find a physical sport or activity I truly enjoy; physically- I have a partner that provides a lot of affection and intimacy that makes me fee confident, loved, cared for, and supported; physically I have someone to drive me to the hospital if I'm sick; help me move; do airport pickup; this can be platonic friends; I have a place to crash if I'm tired; I have sleepovers with platonic friends. I have someone to think through tough problems. 

Financially - I have my cool low-key job; I'm able to tack on another remote job that pays well with a low workload (the dream!!); I reach a million dollars in the next 2 years.  As an added bonus, I have a partner who can financially support me so work seems even more optional!!

Emotionally - I have an abundance of emotional support so I can finally share that with the larger community; I have friends that are there to soften the blows of distress from daily life (I'm talking rude customer service people; wonky work mates; rude traffic; the general public/ gen pop); I have a partner whose sole purpose in life is to take care of me physically, financially, and emotionally and does it easily. I want to experience one pure good thing in life that is not tainted with hardship.

So my brain still works. It just knows these things are hard-won. So I stay in the dark place. Because at 40 to want for the impossible feels foolish. 

Meh

 I gave in to the feeling. I texted Last Boy a picture of my Hebrew Book. I want some attention and accolades, darn it! 

I think I know this connection is dead on arrival and I don't want to let it go. So many feelings this weekend. I think it's hormonal but I can't know for sure.

Is it weird that I feel nothing for other people right now. I just want my feelings cherished and needs met.

I looked up some housing on the Short Term Rental App. And I was right. I have 3 options across 3 different cities. 

This is when I get stumped. How do I make a decision? What am I trying to achieve? Does it need to be this complicated. I find momentary comfort in the fact that it doesn't matter, but go back to being stuck in a tizzy. 

I think with my lead gone this week and the cat out of the bag that I don't have much work, I don't even feel that motivated to log-in. Should I?

Not sure what I want to do with the rest of my day other than sit here and be grumpy. 

Can you imagine if I was trying to give up on a drug? How hard that would be? 

Does any of it matter anyway? No one is keeping score. No one even knows I'm this crazy. That's why being an open book is a bad thing. If no one knows your crazy ways, it's easier to forget you were ever that person.

my next life - a writing exercise

 So it's Sunday evening. I don't recall any tears actually falling. I just felt kind of in a daze of confusion, sadness, loneliness, and fatigue.

Even as I sit up to type this all I want to do is sleep. Maybe it's the last few days on lumpy futon, who knows.

Anyway, I realize I've been having trouble really figuring out what I want to be. Who I want to re-invent myself to become. Who I want to show up as. 

Maybe it's a factor of being stuck in the trauma. I'm having trouble seeing what's achievable. I guess I'll just wait for the algorithm. (And also remember, I can't sprout wings, no matter how much I want them.)

So, when I stumbled on this during my clicking, I thought I'd freewrite it here on this very blog...

The Prompt:

do a little daydreaming about what your next life will look like, after you reach whatever you’re planning for, whether it be early retirement or financial independence, paying off debt, saving for some other major goal, or achieving a major personal milestone.

some questions you may wish to answer in your post:

• what will your transition be like? will you be quitting a job? making a move? how will all of that go down?
• what are the big goals you have for your next life, or just the goals for the first five years or so?
• what are the little day-to-day goals you have for yourself?
• will you quit working, change what you do for work, or stay the course?
• what will a day in the life look like?
• how will you manage your finances in the next stage?
• what will excite you about getting out of bed every day?

My responses to the prompt:

- Transitions - Right now, I am planning to move to Newtown. I won't be quitting my job. I will be making a move. I am selling my house. I will live in Interim Housing until August when I head out to Newtown. July just seems like a dead month. It's hot and I know I won't be as motivated to do outdoor activities. And since I'm moving to a built in community, I want the best possible chance of success by capitalizing on the momentum - not just my own but others...so I need people to be in town. I also just generally love the Back-to-School time of year. I want to capitalize on that season as well. I was shooting for September originally, but there are some events that would make that timing a little later in the year than I would have liked, but we shall see.

- Goal - This is where I struggle. I don't really have any big goals, per se. At least none that I can easily articulate. The background goal is to keep saving to reach millionaire status. Just because it would be fun to say. But that's mostly to keep me grounded and to provide some sort of backbone to my spending. 

The other reason for the move is to actually upgrade (?) or at least change my lifestyle. I'm not doing much in my town and don't feel that motivated to change it. So I (with the help of my therapist) decided to just move. I've been wanting to move for the last 8 to 12 years but couldn't figure out a why since it costs so little to live here. I still don't know the why or what I hope to accomplish other than just not being in The South. 

I have no idea what the first 5 years will look like. Because I'm being plugged into a community right away, my goal is to attend as many social events as possible. I think I want to try to jumpstart any social proclivities I might still have and see how it all feels. I need to feed the algorithm new data points. Because I'm at a true loss about what is achievable for me. And if it's something worth living for. 

In short, I'm escaping a 12 year toxic relationship, and I have no idea what's ahead. 

Day to day goals - well, not much more to add to what I said above. Day to day, I'm planning to build in some structured activities that are known mood boosters. I would love to not cry so much, but that's not really a goal, just something I'm tracking. But I have a couple of activities I want to sign up for at least for my first 'semester.' A couple of therapists have pretty much confirmed it's okay to just fill your day with distractions. So that's kind of where I'm starting. I have no real targets that I think make reasonable goals. I'm going to frontload my first few months with a lot of activities and see what sticks and how I feel. 

Working - No, I won't quit working. Work is like my only stable thing. I am hoping my low workload continues. Periods of focused work are okay but only in short defined bursts. I will be working remotely as I have been for the last 3 years. I have access to a co-working space and have built that into my structured activity plan. 

Since tracking my expenses worked so well for me - helped me reach and define goals and know what was achievable (but also made me cry when I fell short or in general felt like I would never reach the milestones I wanted in the time I wanted). I wonder if there is a way to quantify emotional income and expenses. This is what I would like to do. 

Day In the Life - this is very much to be determined. Once when this was still a dream, I mapped out a weekly schedule. It loosely consisted of work in the morning. Some social activities 3-4x/wk; some me time and some hobbies. At one point, I think I wanted to socialize more times a week than not, so at least 4 days a week. But that feels ambitious in this current moment. But overall, just get out of the house more and socialize more. 

This seemed easier to daydream when it was farther away. 

Managing my finances - this is my favorite topic. I'm actually excited to see what this will look like. Right now, I'm trying to negotiate how much I want to spend on a possible international trip in December. I already am planning to upgrade my lifestyle in terms of getting a nice place to live. Even if I socialize 4x/week, I will still be spending the majority of my time at home. I want it to be my safe, comfy place. I made a loose budget just to make sure I an afford my proposed lifestyle, but I haven't fine tuned it much.

Luckily, I was approved for a credit card to help with 1 off expenses which will be handy the first few months, but this might continue for the first 12 months. But all in all, I will still aim to max out my 401k at least. The rest is yet to be determined. 

What will excite you - I WISH I KNEW! Do people really feel this or is this something people say? This is where I get lost and wonder if I should take medication. Is there something I'm missing? Do people really enjoy life because from my vantage point it feels like people are struggling and rounding up. I was trying to think back to a time when I was happy or excited. And I couldn't think of anything really relevant. Now that I know the truth. If Bible stories are to be believed, I feel like I took a bite of the forbidden fruit and I see the world as it is, not the way I was led to believe. And everytime, it's a No for me. 

Just 3 months ago

 I was just sobbing crying 3 months ago today. I don't want to look at my notes too closely, but I'm pretty sure it was a Sunday as well. It was definitely a weekend. I turned 39, alone in my bed. It was horrible.

And now, I only woke up with a tinge of the Sunday scaries. Even with my battle bag packed, the somber feelings were there. So I would have to use my arsenal after all.

So far:

Stay in bed till 9a

9a -1p: Occupy yourself with anything but TV

Snacks (potential):

Your hearts desire!

- frozen cookie dough

- fruit

- chips

I even wanted to bake a cake. 

1p - Never Have I Ever

It's going to be a good day.

I even tried doing some sorting of some shredding material but quickly abandoned it because it was quite boring. 

But so far no tears have fallen. My eyes definitely watered. It's on the weekends that I want to take the Sertraline.

On my mind:

- How much I love a sunny day!

- How much more I love a sunny, breezy, cool day!

- Do I want to go to a FI retreat? I started to feel that heavy mental load descend. But I have to keep reminding myself in the end it doesn't matter. But I immediately scanned the pictures and was terrified of attending an all white retreat. I thought about it some more and couldn't figure out what I wanted to accomplish. Then that started to lead into me wanting to articulate some social goals for my next 12 months. Quarterly things I want to see or do? I don't know. I need something, so I can make decisions like this more easily. Right now, I think for the FI thing... I would be more inclined if there was actually a schedule of activities. I don't want to go and listen to a bunch of talks. I did like the idea of being able to talk about money freely. But from reading the blogs, I think I have the general idea down. No one is saying anything new. And I'm not advanced enough for the deep stuff. I've got savings and tracking expenses basics down enough to reach my goals. Anything else is optimizing. I'm not in a position to travel hack.

I think I was interested just to be a part of the conversation. But I am unclear what I hope to achieve. A weekend away I guess. More social outings, I guess. 

- Grr, the check to my therapist was returned. I think Credit Union BillPay updated the address erroneously. I checked a few other manual checks and I am correct. Groan! I will say Old Credit Union did not mess up my BillPay. So this is strike 2 for New Credit Union. Not a fan! So I'm still on the hunt for a banking solution.

Here's the stats..

Old Credit Union - brick and mortar and antiquated systems; had to call or go in for some of my irregular banking needs; no high yield savings; no issues with BillPay; in Old Name and won't change without mailing in paperwork (no secure messaging)

Online Bank - no alerts; has a cashback card; high yield savings; no issues with BillPay so far

New Credit Union - charged me a fee for a returned transfer; messed up a BillPay address; no cash back card; high yield savings

Automating my BillPay was literally the foundation for my personal finance journey. Alerts are important since everything is automated. And High Yield Savings, well that's a nice bonus. Online Bank was just about there just need alerts!

In other news...

I forgot what I was going to say...

It's going to be a good day, regardless.

Even if I cry.

It's really happening!

 So it's almost 3p and the sneaky Internet Lady 2 finally came and got the very heavy desk and stand up desk topper.

My instincts were right. There was something off about her. She didn't really want to come inside. She was just kind of looking around. I said message me with your ETA and she didn't. But luckily she came shortly after I asked her if she'd left. 

She brought her son luckily because he asked her if she was going to help him and she said No. Ha! I thought that was funny. Talk about boundaries. Here I am struggling with setting boundaries and people have no trouble pushing mine or setting weird ones. I'm just so used to feeling like I need to be liked or stay on people's good side (in case I need them for something). That even in these clearly transactional interactions, that's my default. Easier that way I guess. 

I will say that is one thing the Selling App was good for. Practicing boundaries - no, I'm only available at this time. Yes, that's the price. Yes, I need you to come now. I just got to the point where I got tired of responding. And even when I say something in the post, I have to re-enforce it in the chats. Some were an easy No because I don't accept CashApp and I wasn't going to lift or deliver anything because that's the whole point of me selling stuff for cheap. 

But others were harder, like waiting on people, or giving out my address to someone that might flake, or holding stuff for people.

But, the heavy furniture part of this ordeal is 99% over! Even though I will probably stress a bit if donation people don't come, it is quite manageable by myself just annoying and sweaty!!!! 

Watching the very strong Son lift the desk components and struggle a bit made me feel like I made the right decision putting up with sneaky Internet Lady 2. All I did was open the door for them and go up and down the stairs and by the time they left I was sweaty. Ugh. So yes, on my move-out day I will definitely be cranking up the air. Just got to remember to crank it back down when I leave!

But yeah, it's getting more and more official! Because everything left in the house I can manage on my own. The things I intend to take are neatly in a corner. The donation stuff is in the opposite corner. Downstairs. That was another stroke of genius - getting everything downstairs. Well worth the effort and will save me some endurance come Move Out Day!

Oh the sneaky thing about Internet Lady 2 that I forgot to mention. She came with only $20 and says she thought everything was $20. I knew she was lying. But I let her have the chair for free because I was already planning on giving it to whomever bought the desk rather than deal with yet another buyer. And I gave her the blowdryer for free for good measure. I don't want her to think she got one over on me. 

I can't tell Smell Good Son was in on the Sneak or just trying to help the situation. Oh well. It was fun to confuse them with kindness.

It's really happening! Wow! 

The cash I made on selling these items is so negligible, I'm not even bothering to tally it up. I'll just use it for who knows what. More than likely I'll forget I have it. But I guess it's not a bad idea for my roadtrip to travel with some cash just in case (of what, I don't know). 

OMG, friends! Another milestone with just the two of us. I guess this is just how these things go. Summer is unofficially kicked off. I'm almost out of this house. I'll be camping out in one room with me and my futon and snacks! 

I can't believe it!!! Yooooooooooooooo! We did it! I hope I get the proceeds of the house by the end of June. That way when I do my Q2 check-in I'll have all the numbers!!!

Eventhough a part of me is tempted to delay closing to end of July just so I'll have somewhere permanent to stay, a bigger part of me is like I'm ready for this chapter to be completely closed. And because I love arbitrary dates, it'll be nice to have this done and buttoned up by the end of the month. I like the algorithm of calendar months. 

So I at least now I know, I can successfully move myself out of a house in 2 weeks.

So as much as a cool vacation would have been nice this summer, I think it'll just be some westward glamping until August. Oh well!

I still can't believe I'm leaving this house so unceremoniously. Kind of the way I came in. Except I was grieving big time. 

But I'm just as alone as ever! 

I heard some noises in the wall this afternoon and it reminded me oh yeah, forget those weird feelings. Get out of this place! It's just so hard to be sad (for long anyway) when the sun is shining. I love the sun so much!

I love that I did this by myself. It was not my first or hundredth choice. But here we are. Nothing else to gripe about. It's done. I did the logistics, mental, and physical labor all by myself with minimal remarkable input from anyone! One more win for the Adult Orphan.

I cried out for help and NO ONE helped me. I mean cried, big fat salty tears. I was completely alone. I did everything by myself. I was let down, forgotten, de-prioritized. And I did it! No one cheering me on, no one holding my hand, checking in on me, no one offering me advice, no one holding me accountable, or waiting for me to make them proud. I was my own everything...as usual! And I got it done... as usual. So many tears, so much isolation, so much time spent feeling down. So much somber silence. There was just no one no matter where I turned or which rock I tried to overturn. No one offering me one bit of help. No. One. Just Me. Alone.

Saturday mid-morning check-in

 I've been up for almost 5 hours! I really got to figure out a way to sleep in longer. It was nice and cool this morning but the a/c has already clicked on a few times in the last few minutes.

I stepped outside for a bit just to break up the monotony.

For Summer Break 2023, I decided this morning, no TV until after 1p. It just gives me something to look forward to and helps break up the day! 

Otherwise, I might be halfway done with a show already and it's barely noon.

So I've been clicking around blogs. I checked my Budget Tracker app and it didn't do much for me. I mean, happily, things are chugging right along. The account I use to track progress is still down about 6% from its record high.

I'm pretty hungry, so at 1p I'll probably make some toast and the last 2 eggs. The little stroll outside has me craving sugar. I was trying to be fancy with my sparkling Kool Aid, but I think I might spring for the 5 pk juice boxes at the dollar store next time I go. 

I got some cut fruit last night so I can snack on that today. Tomorrow is the show I'm really excited about.

Today I will watch You on Netflix. 

Still having some minor regret feelings about the Credit Addendum. Just percentage wise, it's such a huge cut! I just don't like feeling duped! But I have to console myself that this is still a good deal in the end. I got out of my house and got to pocket some change. 

As I was reading an old blog, I realized, this house that was once the xxx House could probably be renamed the Pandemic House. So it was a pretty good place to ride out the pandemic vs my apartment. I had no common spaces I had to walk through or air I had to share with other people. 

It was easy to get to my grocery store and fast food. So yep, this house without a doubt had a lot of benefits, the chief being financial. I got a nice place to ride out a GLOBAL Pandemic; got to work from home; save a ton of money; and meet my financial goals. I have to give credit where it's due.

It would've been pretty not-great to move to a fancy apartment for its amenities or social scene to not experience them because of the pandemic. But I hate doing that kind of comparison.

I only want to assess for my current situation.

Financially, the house was a success no matter how you slice it. Socially, it was a total fail. But to be clear, I moved here as a purely financial move. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. 

My life is a simple as I want it to be!

The desk has not been picked up and no bites on the Selling App. I was a bit timid to remove my outdoor camera but then I remembered, I lived without one all my other years and only got it after a couple of unknown visitors rang my bell. And not many of the new neighbors have any installed yet. So I will remove it during my next round of tiny cuts. 

I can't believe I lived in the South for my entire 30s. I gave you my youth! 

I can't believe I spent 30% of my life here. I spent 30% of my life being unhappy. Isn't that wild! The South is the longest place I've ever lived and the place I have the least amount of friends, community, and connection. Isn't THAT wild?!

I was reading someone's blog and they made a spreadsheet similar to mine when looking for a new place to live. Ultimately, my spreadsheet didn't do much but make me feel stuck. Which...maybe that was informative. Where was I going with this...

It's funny that after all that, Newtown was never on that spreadsheet. 

Oh, I know! I was going to say, let's be clear even though I'm leaving The South on a bad note, it's definitely not outside the realm of possibility I'll return. I have to go where I can afford to live, that's just facts. So ...ah... the spreadsheet from the other blogger was helpful because it did remind me that there are other places that are just as affordable as The South. I forget that sometimes. 

As for the desk, I will probably reduce the price tomorrow to $10. Such a waste. But I need it gone. In a simple twist, I upped the price to $65.

Let's see what happens!

Saturday morning reflections

 In light of the potentially light summer workload (no complaints!), I may decide to start blogging twice a day, just to give me something to do.

For a very long time, all I wanted in life was more free time. No homework, no schoolwork, no chores, no responsibilities. And now I have it in abundance. So, yeah, balance is key.

I'm almost tempted to go for death by a thousand cuts with moving, just to have something to do! I obviously don't need to build in any additional downtime. Downtime is my life! Again, no complaints, but it feels stolen most of the time so it's hard to plan for. 

So I guess friends, I have achieved work-life balance. Periods of intense work where I'm tired at the end of the workday and not able to function. And periods of low workload.

I have been trying to capitalize on the low workload time with another job but have been wholly unsuccessful. 

So this Saturday...what am I up to?

Yesterday, I had McDs and limp fries. Definitely won't miss that! I'm paying almost $2 for a McDonald's hamburger. And the fries are always bad. But it's free, so I go. It's like me and every relationship. I stay way past the stay fresh date. 

So I technically have no one coming to pick up the desk at this point. But I'm not that concerned...yet. I just have to get used to the idea that I might have to push it down the stairs. I may need to drag it out to the front yard for the other people to pick it up. So the saga continues.

It's so interesting when I think about my life - with and without Christianity. If I'm just bobbing around with no purpose, life is just a little more interesting. Aimless, but sometimes freeing. Because I can let go of things more easily. I don't have to worry about a butterfly effect or long term or everlasting consequences. 

But you have to think...what about Buddhist countries or countries that believe in ancestor type stuff...I'm thinking Asian countries. Jesus was only sent to one very small part of the world? It's clear communities worldwide look for some sort of overarching guidance to structure their life. And they tend to look upward.  And there are some commonalities of sacrifice, guidance on how you relate to others, some sort of duty to something, consequences, and something bigger than yourself and the current moment. There is this idea that we are all connected somehow. 

But I'm curious because even within these global communities, there are outliers. So is there something you can do to be cast away from the algorithm? 

Oh well. I'm still on this journey of self-discovery. Self-fulfillment? Aimless wandering? Who knows.

Money talks

I realize with too much money coming in, it's easy to lose focus and my frugal muscles are weak. I'm definitely not complaining about too much money. But it's hard to feel motivated to squeeze every dollar for more cents. Right now - it's the house sale. Well I'm also inexperienced with negotiation and have to manage anxiety by taking less risks. I'll fight harder for $20 than $1500. Weird right? Because I can likely control the $20. But fighting over $1500 presents the risk of losing $40k. So, I guess in retrospect it make sense. 

Is my life actually good right now and I just don't know how to manage it? 

I think so!

My life is good. I have financial security. I have something to look forward to. It's just this kind of boring middle. And no plans. 

But summer is a time for re-invention. I've run out of costumes, so it's kind of a mish-mash of things.

I love the hope of new beginnings. I love the time to let my imagination run a little wild. I love thinking of the possibilities. Admittedly, I know the buffet is a lot smaller and my imagination is more realistic. But for 12 months I can pretend anything is possible. 

I'm mostly just loving these cool starts! Was this what summer was supposed to be like instead of the torture it's been the last 12 years!

I can't believe I'm so close to getting out of here! It's wild. Very, very wild. 

I was thinking of delaying closing until end of July since I'm pretty much living out of a suitcase. And it would be cheaper and more comfortable. Well not the bed, but just more familiar I guess. But psychologically, it's probably best I just close this chapter for good. But that's where I was going with money. It would be more cost effective to stay in The X House until August. But at this point with extra money coming in, it's easier just to spend more. 

Let's think this through...

The risk of staying until July - was mainly getting stuck here and feeling like I can't make a decision to move. But it is largely mitigated by the fact that all my stuff is packed up. 

I think I'm mostly stuck on not pushing back on the Credit Addendum. I'm still wondering if I had declined it, what would have happened. I forgot I had the upper hand. But I would be back in limbo. But I forgot, I can always just list my house empty. I'm moving out anyway. 

I'm totally underplaying how much anxiety it would cause to wonder what the next move would be. Wondering if the contract would be cancelled. Wondering and wondering. Okay, calm down, MERJ. 

Yeah, just go ahead and feel those feelings and be done with it. Silly Brain is trying to mess this up with you.

I go back to- you won the game. You're just swimming in the gravy!

Oh, I have a new idea about my nomadic summer...

Be back later! 

1 Step Closer!

 So I went ahead and signed the credit addendum. I was hoping they would lower it and felt a little cheated, but then I re-adjusted. Remember, my goal with this house was to come out even, not owe more than the loan, and not pay more than I would have renting; and meet my FI goals. Check, check, and check! 

So that makes me happy.

Plus while I don't really have the pressure to move, I'd already planned to keep the train moving. 

But feelings directly after signing:

- what happens if I decline

- could I just stay here until August (I mean my stuff is all packed, so the chances of me staying would be slim)

I did kind of like the idea of bunking out here since the risk of staying is so low. It would make things a lot easier!

I finally got used to the idea of not doing any moving Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. And then getting ready for a busy Tues and Friday next week. My lead confirmed they'll be out of office next week so the risk of surprise work is low.

Although I certainly felt motivated to get stuff done today, it'll be nice to have something to do next week as well. Can't have all the fun today!

Even when I have my lows, it's still somewhat comforting to remember that nothing matters in the end. I can reset and reset to my heart's desire!

Oh other thoughts after signing

- how much are other houses going for

Yeah...they were kind of all over the place...some for 90k..some for 200k. So that gave me more affirmation, that my price was good enough.

Milking anymore out of this deal has fallen off the priority list. I'm actually slightly happy they didn't even notice the things I was worried about.

So I guess now we just wait for closing. 

Luckily I have work meeting Monday that I'm not expected to contribute to, so I can fiddle around for an hour or so. 

I was very tempted today to take my donation stuff to Goodwill, but looking at the pile kind of made me week! There's another pickup service that will let you just put stuff outside. So if Goodwill flakes, that's next on the list. I was getting pretty stoked with them using their muscle to carry this stuff away though. I will call next week to confirm. I hope someone answers!

My mind has pretty much turned to Wester Town as my next spot for the summer. I just will have to suck it up if I have to make 2 trips, I'm telling myself. Or just drive with a really jam packed car! Luckily I know what's essential, so technically it's easy to cut stuff, just I'll be mad to re-buy it again in a few months. Household supplies add up pretty quickly!

Oh well, so the plan for this weekend:

Friday - did nothing; ate some Lucky Charms; watched a bit of Love Village and Barracuda Queens; couldn't get into either; put on an audiobook and drifted off for a bit; plan to get McDs at 6p and simmer.

Saturday - hope to get desk and chair out of here by 10a, 1p latest. Then watch You. Haven't decided on snacks or food

Sunday - Never Have I Ever, and snacks to be determined.

Kitchen kind of closes at 5p Sunday, but will probably let myself reheat food. 

Yeah, and then folks we are at the last week in X House.