Just 3 months ago

 I was just sobbing crying 3 months ago today. I don't want to look at my notes too closely, but I'm pretty sure it was a Sunday as well. It was definitely a weekend. I turned 39, alone in my bed. It was horrible.

And now, I only woke up with a tinge of the Sunday scaries. Even with my battle bag packed, the somber feelings were there. So I would have to use my arsenal after all.

So far:

Stay in bed till 9a

9a -1p: Occupy yourself with anything but TV

Snacks (potential):

Your hearts desire!

- frozen cookie dough

- fruit

- chips

I even wanted to bake a cake. 

1p - Never Have I Ever

It's going to be a good day.

I even tried doing some sorting of some shredding material but quickly abandoned it because it was quite boring. 

But so far no tears have fallen. My eyes definitely watered. It's on the weekends that I want to take the Sertraline.

On my mind:

- How much I love a sunny day!

- How much more I love a sunny, breezy, cool day!

- Do I want to go to a FI retreat? I started to feel that heavy mental load descend. But I have to keep reminding myself in the end it doesn't matter. But I immediately scanned the pictures and was terrified of attending an all white retreat. I thought about it some more and couldn't figure out what I wanted to accomplish. Then that started to lead into me wanting to articulate some social goals for my next 12 months. Quarterly things I want to see or do? I don't know. I need something, so I can make decisions like this more easily. Right now, I think for the FI thing... I would be more inclined if there was actually a schedule of activities. I don't want to go and listen to a bunch of talks. I did like the idea of being able to talk about money freely. But from reading the blogs, I think I have the general idea down. No one is saying anything new. And I'm not advanced enough for the deep stuff. I've got savings and tracking expenses basics down enough to reach my goals. Anything else is optimizing. I'm not in a position to travel hack.

I think I was interested just to be a part of the conversation. But I am unclear what I hope to achieve. A weekend away I guess. More social outings, I guess. 

- Grr, the check to my therapist was returned. I think Credit Union BillPay updated the address erroneously. I checked a few other manual checks and I am correct. Groan! I will say Old Credit Union did not mess up my BillPay. So this is strike 2 for New Credit Union. Not a fan! So I'm still on the hunt for a banking solution.

Here's the stats..

Old Credit Union - brick and mortar and antiquated systems; had to call or go in for some of my irregular banking needs; no high yield savings; no issues with BillPay; in Old Name and won't change without mailing in paperwork (no secure messaging)

Online Bank - no alerts; has a cashback card; high yield savings; no issues with BillPay so far

New Credit Union - charged me a fee for a returned transfer; messed up a BillPay address; no cash back card; high yield savings

Automating my BillPay was literally the foundation for my personal finance journey. Alerts are important since everything is automated. And High Yield Savings, well that's a nice bonus. Online Bank was just about there just need alerts!

In other news...

I forgot what I was going to say...

It's going to be a good day, regardless.

Even if I cry.