Weekend Reflections

 What a weekend! Some light Sunday tears. I was quite tempted to start taking Sertraline. But we'll see if I start feeling those feelings more consistently. It felt like giving up my birthright for soup though.

Yesterday was a doozy. I consulted a committee member who at this point might be fast food friend. Convenient when open, but you sometimes get a McStomache if you're not careful. Anyway, it led to way too much stress on Selling App. So then it made me question my core values; which I then was like this is not that big of a deal for me to question core values.

From 7a to around 2p I was engaged on Selling App. Then tried to recover until like 5p. Couldn't convince myself of a dinner. So had some junky snacks. 

At this point, I almost don't want to talk too much about it. Anyway, the good news is I got the kitchen kind of cleared out - toaster oven, grill, freezer, table, island, and bench are gone. Now my counters are full of stuff. But admittedly it does feel like progress! 

I'm unclear what my plans are for the move and the house and the futon. I've kind of lost a little bit of control of what I'm trying to achieve. It's a bit early to start work so I'm bunking out in bed for a bit. 

What I did find interesting about yesterday is that the Sunday blues slipped in eventhough my morning and afternoon were action-packed. So it's not just about doing nothing all day. It's about connection and feeling good.  I counted the last 10 Sundays. 5 were red days. 

In other good news:

- My new CC is shipping today and should get here by the end of the week. They said Jun 11, but that's a Sunday, so I don't know if I should check Saturday or wait until Monday. I'm so pumped. I think this means it's officially approved. Which is amazing! 

Side note, shortly after getting approved, I looked up some new credit card plans - it's 120k miles on ANA to fly to Australia from Dallas. So I have that in the back of mind. Oh, and for me the easiest way to get is though Amex. I don't have that card and never have, but luckily they have a pre-approval tool. So that at least take the guesswork out of it. TBD what year I can reasonably achieve this. So sticking that in the Way Back for now.

There were a lot of thoughts floating in my head last night but I'm not really in the mood to conjure them up.

Just more realization how much more solo I am compared to other people who identify as single. But you can't go around telling people how much harder your life is. But it is quite under appreciated the difference between a single person who is close to their family or even lives with their mom, even as Caregiver. Or has a kid. That accountability, affection, connection - immeasurable.

So yeah, I'm struggling a bit as a single parent (to myself). Can I get some grace?

But these days as I really untether myself from expectation and this invisible score-keeping, I am finding some freedom in that. But it is hard won. 

And I'm mysteriously getting sleepy again. 

P.S. - I think for July, shall we consider that a summer hibernation?