Incredibly Sad and Alone

A girl I used to know asked me how I was doing. I told her I felt incredibly sad and alone. I cried even just yesterday.


It's been over a month now since my aunt passed away. Here's the eulogy I read at her funeral last weekend.


To My Darling Aunty,


I hope you know I can’t imagine my life without you, and I mean it. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know now more than I ever knew before that I didn’t deserve you.


When people ask me how I’m doing or how I feel, I say fine, but really I feel inadequate. You did more for me than I could do and ever did for you and I’ll live always knowing that.


I remember asking you once, why you took us all in like you did, and you said something to the effect of you were my brother and sister’s children, how could I not?


My favorite memories of you are you smiling and your jokes that no one ever got. All the roadtrips and vacations we went on when I was younger. We would pack the van and eat PB sandwiches at this road stop or the other, always looking for the next Walmart to stop at. The audiobooks.


I remember our first-day-of-school outfits, that we would start picking out by the time the previous year ended. You would either make them or buy us brand new clothes. Same for Easter and Christmas.


I remember Black Friday all day events, and surprises - you loved surprises, and family game nights and the barrels and barrels of discounted gifts for just about any occasion for just about any person. You were always a gift giver.


I remember your sermons. You’re still my favorite preacher.


I remember you staying in a job that treated you poorly so you could provide for us. How could I not?


My dearest darling aunty, you had such a zest for life that even in my 30s, I am not able to emulate.


In John 14, Jesus said “Do not let your hearts be troubled. [..]My Father’s house has many rooms; [...] I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”


The Bible also states in Isaiah 57:

“The righteous perish, [...] and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared”… I hope you are finally spared and freed from poor health, chronic conditions, heartache and misfortune.


The Book of Isaiah also says… “Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.”


I can only hope and I can only pray that you have finally found rest. Love always.