Burying my head in the sand

So I'm officially 36! I'm old! To celebrate, I took a week off from work.

I'm supposed to be taking time away from responsibilities - most definitely work, but also the house hunt, and my sainted aunt's affairs, my family, etc.

But because I'm addicted to checking my email, I periodically checked my email yesterday.

For the first part of the day, it was mostly happy birthday greetings. Then after 5p, I got an email to contact one of my relatives regarding my sainted aunt's car.

The day before, my mom had asked me to talk to my brother about getting some paperwork done for immigration.

And of course there was the aftermath of the interview bringing me down.

Then there was the massage I had Tuesday (two days ago) where I was told my body was very tight (read: tense) and that I was carrying a lot of stress.

Ya think?

Stress
I love to restart my life especially when I am under stress. I've been avoiding the word "stress" for the better part of my adult life, but I can't anymore. I am stressed! I am so, so stressed! I realized the way I deal with it is to escape or anxiously eliminate it.

I say anxiously eliminate rather than make a good decision and eliminate it because that is exactly what I do. In terms of finance, I'll pay a convenience fee or pay a "convenience tax" to get rid of the problem as fast as possible. It's not always a good decision and it's not always a good outcome, but the problem is gone so I've met my objective.

Right now, my convenience tax is burying my head in the sand. It's convenient for me, but taxing for others including future me as the problem will only amplify if I don't solve it.

I journaled last night that I was done solving other people's problems. This immigration paperwork has been a 15 year battle with my brother. I just feel like he's an adult and he should be able to figure it out. Like what is his contribution to the family?

I feel like I handled my aunt's affairs while she was sick and now in her passing. I didn't do the best job, but I showed up and I did it.  For example had I gotten on her about this will, some things would be easier. But she didn't have anything of value, so I thought what's the point.

Had I investigated more about her benefits with her former employer, some things would've been easier. But I didn't know her employer provided a death benefit.

There are definitely 2 things I could have done differently that would have made closing out her affairs 100% easier.  To be fair, I didn't know the magnitude of the problems and their repercussions.

On the affairs of my aunt, I'm burying my hand in the sand. Her "estate" is insolvent and it doesn't benefit me to create an estate account to tell creditors we have no money for them. The few checks I received that are written out to her will just have to go uncashed.

Relatedly, my relative who got her car, will have to figure out how to get it titled in their name. I don't know how to do it anymore than she does. Again, I thought this would be easy once the loan was paid off. I could just sign the title over to my relative. Nope, the predatory lender sent the title as an e-title to Florida DMV. How do you pick up a deceased person's title?  She will have to figure it out.

On my brother's immigration paperwork, he's forty years old. He will have to figure it out. If my mom wants him to do it, telling me to talk to him makes no sense. My brother and I don't talk that much, and really neither do me and my mother. She's a bit stuck in this anachronistic view of life, where family talks to each other and that suddenly motivates a behavior change. What???!

On the housing front, it's just an endless stream of responsibilities. I already don't want the responsibility of owning a home, each new thing I have to do is making me want to go through with it even less. I'll probably go through with it because I really don't want to be faced with another housing decision in the next 6 months to 1 year.  Ugh. Financially, the house makes sense, but I'm really not ready for the responsibility.

Chinese Buffet
So yeah, my vacation is not off to a great start in terms of resting and relaxation. I did go to the Chinese Buffet last night. It was tasty and I didn't even stuff myself. I'm supposed to go to the beach tomorrow, so I hope I do. It's supposed to be sunny. And I got my fill of seafood last night at the buffet - frugal win- so I won't be tempted oceanside.

Peri-retirement
It's 8a and I'm writing. I woke up with the sun (read: road noise of early morning traffic). I've been wanting to get into some kind of routine. I think it will help me cope with the next 2-6 years at Call Center 2 and just life in general. But I can't quite find a rhythm. But writing in the morning might be nice. Oh and stretching! Even the massage therapist has recommended I do stretches! I just with I could feel the difference.