I wrote it out because I wanted to track any "clues" or coincidences. Since you know, I don't believe in signs. Well a few hours after, I rematched with a guy from Seattle Trip #1.
I immediately wanted to believe that was the clue to go! I mean when you want to do something, you look for all the signs!
But I got nervous. Because that was what I took as affirmation to go to Seattle Trip #2 and I had some trouble getting lodging there.
Also a part of me is losing steam with dating. I'm just tired. I'm ready be recovered. Unpacking my suitcases helped a lot because it'll take more effort to repack and unstore luggage.
The only part of me that feels a little bit like going is ...I don't want to end on a traumatic note. Without a partner, I'm on the Death at 45 Track. So that... I can't even form my thoughts.
One thought is: If I'm going to die early anyway, what do I have to lose?
The other thought is: If I'm going to die early anyway, what's the point in going?
Another thought: If there's no destiny, then it doesn't matter whether I go Fall 2022, Spring 2023 or Fall 2023, etc.
Another thought: Well, if I finally find peace with this last dating experience, am I going to want to re-open those wounds in another year?
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