A bit stressed

 Happy Friday! For whatever reason, I can't seem to budget what my time in Seattle would be like. I get stuck? I tried smart asset cost of living calculator and they pretty much said it would be about the same as living where I'm living. That's a darn lie. 

I tried UW cost of attendance to get a ballpark, and even that seemed a bit manageable. They put room and board at about $20k/year. I'm guessing that's with roommates or in as economical a living arrangement as possible. 

Forty year old me thinks I'm kind of done with roommates. But that is also a really quick and easy way to meet new people! 

So $20k for just lodging, would only put me around $10k more for a year for housing, which again seems reasonable. 

Stuck, somehow.

And now there's a bit of work stress piling up.

In other news, I had my intake session with White Man Counselor yesterday. It's funny (just like real people), how you are the same person but different people bring different things out of you. My interaction with the horrible woman was so adversarial..it was a BINGO! situation. Too long of a story to explain, but it involves a lot of badgering into submission.

This guy seemed a little more to the point, experienced, and a little bit of a hustle. He does 1 session of intake and a follow-up session of educational presentation (with PPT slides) on CBT. Then presumably treats you for 10 sessions.

Hey I like a bundle. It just rings of... I found my niche and this is what I'm selling. I get the feeling, he's crafted the life he wanted out of his profession.

I keep trying to rack my brain for a reason to go for the Fall other than I just want to. I was like, would I still want to go if the hope of seeing boy again was eliminated. I know the answer is probably No and I got a bit of confirmation when I couldn't find him on Hinge. I was so defeated. So again I was right, this is all a ruse to chase the fantasy of getting back together with this boy.

I think the high chance of defeat is why I'm looking for something else to take me to Seattle. I wish he would just contact me! 

Here are some new thoughts on the situation:

- Maybe you can count it as officially/unofficially moved if you spend at least 6 months + 1 day in Seattle next year (i.e. more days than not)

- I just can't seem to form a clear thought on it

Yesterday I was thinking of working on all my authoring work this weekend and if I get that done, maybe it'll clear some mental space to prep for this trip. 

I think with student loan forbearance extended till end of year, it just freed up about $3200 and since I'm safely out of the aggressively saving phase, I just want to spend it.

There's another part of me that's like, forget next year, just try to get through this year!

I also had this dream of working doing some part time work for Amazon to try to get into their system so I can get a full time job. 

Oh in progress news, I asked a question! During the Great Depression of 2019, there were about 3 or so applications that I prematurely took myself out of the running because waiting for the potential rejection was too great. For someone who loves data and facts, I sometimes wish I hadn't.

Well I had an opportunity to revise history. I applied to a company I previously applied to, got as far as the hiring manager and it didn't look good. Instead of jumping to conclusions, this morning I emailed the recruiter for an update. I did the thing! 

Anyway, gotta get ready for my way too early meeting. Toodles!