Everyone's favorite catfish is back

 So this time I invented Catfish Rachel. In a moment of who-gives-a-flock, I sent the boy a message on Hinge.  I had vacillated between sending a question so I could elicit a response but I went with a flirty text instead.

He has not responded! The nerve. I thought I could give him until end of August, but really sir what are you doing? 

So I created another burner profile to both check on him and see if he matches her. Ha! I don't know why I thought I was going to be the bigger person and didn't do this when we were still talking to get the tea.

I was watching yet another TV show that motivated me.

Oh well.

By that time, I'd kind of decided this Seattle trip wasn't happening.

I mean ...the Meetups that got me excited last weekend were all kind of fizzing out by September. I technically haven't been asked out on any dates, and it's been a month, so that would've been a month wasted.

And I wanted to know once and for all if I was still chasing a boy who had no interest in me. It wasn't a mistake. I couldn't go back in time and unsay what I said.

So knowing that there was no hope of reconciliation, did Seattle still hold its appeal.

I started to think through 2023, I saw the following

- Mid-Jan to mid-Feb: Sneak away to Caribbean or US VI 

-  Rest

- Memorial Day to Labor Day: Seattle bound!

- Sept: rest

- Oct: take a week long trip somewhere

- Winter shutdown: sneak away somewhere

I'm just so disappointed with life. I hate that The Final Countdown doesn't even motivate me anymore. It's like the tiniest sliver of hope that I might do it.

I had another undesirable interaction with a local boy on the app. Ugh, I didn't need anymore evidence. I hate when I let other people's casual comments challenge my entire worldview.

I know this place is not my place and these are not my people. I don't need to date in this pool. We have developed frontal lobes. 

We don't need to try every stupid thing to know it's not for us. I can never eat poo mixed with pepper to know that's not for me. Duh! I'm not an infant.

So yes, all the feels. 

Between that bad day with therapist; the recent Seattle job rejection; the boy silently rejecting me - how rude! 

The other thing I was thinking to bring things into perspective - as much as I'd like to think I can keep working, can I though?