The world didn't end

So yeah, I didn't get quite the clean break I wanted from the Mormon because my coworker and I decided to have a little fun. 

He optioned me and I've pretty much made up my mind to cut him loose. It gets easier with practice.

My last text options included: 

I think this is how our story ends. You're sweet, but I'm looking for someone who really likes me and wants to hang out with me and not see me as just an option. 

OR even more succinctly

I think we want different things. Just thought I'd let you know since we agreed not to leave the other hanging. 

But since there was a 1% chance to salvage this, my coworker and I agreed to raise the stakes and say that I'd come down if he volunteered at an Easter volunteer event at the white house. 2 hours later, he has yet to respond. I'm sure he's out with friends because he's soooo busy. 

I didn't need to sleep on it because this situation is unfortunately not new.

So yes, I do come off strong. If you're interested, let's make it happen. It turns off 100% of the guys and my counselor says I'm not grand enough to change anyone's social conditioning. She actually confirmed that men need to feel like they earn your attention. Welp, fail x 1000. I thought the 3 calls was doing that, but they don't seem to like that. I already waited 3 months for a guy to choose me, I'm not doing that again. You get however long it takes me to feel feelings. 

All I can say is I recognize and am aware of my limitations. I'm not going to change overnight. I want someone who likes me as much as I like them and wants to hang out with me. That hasn't changed. 

As I was updating my registration with my new name, I felt peaceful and calm (I mean I cried a little in frustration and just that sense of failure....my counselor had some semantic words but I can't remember).

This dating thing has just become a side show entertainment for me. 

I don't think I'm any closer to finding anyone. I think I'm just closer to giving up on love and closing the tiny slit that was left. Oh well.

In other news. My document went under its first review. More work to come. I updated my registration with my new name. I filed my taxes and paid my state taxes.

I'm in the market for 2 ceiling fans.

I'm buying stuff!!

And I still love myself!