I feel like I'm going through some sort of mourning

 I feel like I'm going through some sort of mourning process. This can't all be about a boy I only knew for 2 weeks. I hadn't even really pictured our life together. 

I think it's just what it all means. I know the only way I currently know how to recover from the sadness is to pretend like it never happened. To swear to never date again. To close my heart to love - the thing I want most.

I want someone all to myself. Someone I don't have to share with the world. I want something pure and perfect and lovely. Something untarnished by the world. 

30 minutes of crying later...

Maybe it's time I take that modified sabattical. Theoretically, when my submission is submitted I should have a bit of  a break until the fall. Can I make a run for it?

Is there anywhere that makes sense to go to for 3 months that won't be oppressively hot?

Do I move out of Death House? There are too many tears here. Do I just keep restarting my life until I find one I like?

I don't want to live alone anymore.

I don't like living here. Am I too old to be this unhappy?...all the time?

I mean I have the money now, can I at least try to temporarily buy my happiness?

Am I just in distress and looking for temporary solutions.

Leaving the house for 3 months is kind of frightening of what I mind find when I get back.