Another Speed Dating Bust

 I just spent $30 on a speed dating event to meet interracial singles. Everyone was brown! Ha. You know what I thought the other day, of course I have to expand my search net to all races because there are only 10% of out here. Why would I decrease my odds when finding love is already a numbers game!

So yeah, I'm glad I didn't forego anything to be here. Softball was cancelled anyway. I'm glad this happened. Will I fill out the profile to see if I had any matches? Unlikely, but we'll see, I might be feeling rejected by Mormon boy just enough to do it.

Without calling too much attention to it, I think I'm letting this interest fade. It definitely makes for fun conversation, but the hurt feelings aren't fun. 

Trying and not trying produce the same result - no boyfriend, and no prospects. Except trying adds hurt feelings and anxiety. Now that I'm in the early days post-FIRE, it's hard to want to focus on things that don't bring me joy. I didn't get to quit work, but I can definitely quit doing this thing that causes me stress. 

I'm just mad I spent all this money on my hairstyle.

I know how this story goes. Mormon Boy doesn't make an effort to ask me out this week (I mean it's already Thursday, so I think we can call it). 

My aunt and other dating coach said wait till next week and maybe hint about it. But by Friday, Saturday, Sunday, the anxious feelings will get the best of me and the only way to shut them out is to completely detach. This will likely involve one or some of the following:

- Unmatching him on hinge

- Confronting him about lack of interest

- Call or texting him

- Deleting Google Voice number (then immediately regretting it)

- Probably set up profile with the new dating service from tonight

- Contact Japple

- Mass message everyone I matched with on Hinge

No surprises there. I don't know. With new name and new financial milestone achieved, this waiting game just doesn't fit but I'm not strong enough to walk away completely. 

Clearing some thoughts on the Mormon:

- It hurts my feelings that you're not as into me as I'm into you

- It hurts my feelings that I was so into you and you're chatting other women less than 24 hours after we hooked up

- It makes me anxious that you're texting me and I don't know what the purpose is

- I hate that we started out so strong, and now we are losing momentum and I know for me it's going to be hard to come back to if I completely let go. And even if I stay hanging on, my patience and anxiety will just run higher. We are doomed to fail

But yeah in sum, both my aunt and the girl I know who most recently married an app guy, said wait for him to initiate the next meetup since I essentially invited myself over. When I was explaining the course of our interaction, it made a lot of sense. I'm looking for someone who puts in effort, yet I'm the one wanting to drive the relationship. I mostly do that so I can control outcomes.

So yeah, he might text me tonight. The defacto dating coach of a friend said not to respond right away. I kind of want to respond because I know tomorrow after 5p the window is closed for anxious things. I guess I could just respond tomorrow during the workday, but that's more anxiety inducing because I won't have his full attention. 

I think I was kind of hoping too that he would still try to meet up, but I guess 10p is kind of late to make plans for the next day, so never mind. 

So I guess if I'm following her advice, I should not respond till tomorrow. But I think I will, I like talking to him and getting the virtual kiss emoji. For a few minutes, I get to star in my own love story. 

But there's a chance he might skip a day, in which case sucks to be him. If it's after 5p Friday, it's a hard no, UNLESS it's a request to hangout virtually. 

I think I might even see if he wants to talk on the phone tonight. Whatever.