Yesterday was rough. How can your own body and brain just betray you like that. I can never go back there. I can never re-challenge myself with dating or dating apps. The risk is too grave.
It feels like interviewing.
So add it to the list of things that hurt me and I have nothing left. Nothing worth living for.
And the cycle continues.
So what do I do now? What do I live for? Why am I still enduring? Do I still need to?
Why would I choose to sit with this pain - forever?
Does that make sense?
And here come the tears.
I have fought the fight but it was not a good fight. The world, my reality, and my brain play dirty.
But I finished the race. Reaching FIRE was my last event.
I did not keep the faith. It was there at best, but it did not keep me going. Sometimes I did what I did in spite of the faith.
So do I spend my money before I go? Do I gift it to feed the homeless cats? Do I just disappear into the ether?
How exactly do I go?
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