I can't let this take me out (and some money stuff)

 I don't know if the this is 'dating' or any particular boy, but I can't let it take me out. I can't go out like this. 

If it's going to cause me this much distress, it's not worth it. Especially distress without much of the good stuff. I was even crying in my sleep. Just writing the word 'crying' is bringing on the waterworks.

I think it's less so about any 1 boy but by closing my heart to this means I will have lived a life without love. And that sucks.

In the last hour though, I was able to check our upcoming paystub and it looks like I'll be getting about $2100/pp net pay with my new 401k contributions (about 30% between pre-tax and after-tax).

That's enough to fund a $30k/yr spend (or $2500/mon spend) which is good. That was the first thing I wanted to make sure of after the change. (Side note, I'll be done maxing out pre-tax 401k in about 3 months, but most of the money is there only got about $2k to go!)

But if I'm mentally teetering on the edge like this, I at least want to help out my family overseas. So I'm unofficially adding $6k/yr (or $500/mon) to this year's budget. The plan is to send the amount quarterly. 

I finally submitted my taxes and am due back about $3k, so I can send the first quarter's installment ($1,500) once I get that back. 

But based on this unofficial line item, I think I may need to reduce my aftertax contribution from 24% to 20% to try to recoup some of that.

I technically could make it work with my current net pay but it would be just barely. And this year, I'm trying to not be living on an anemic budget.

CC Bill

So my CC bill is still hovering around $1500. I made the $25 minimum payment that was due earlier this week as I decide what I want to do. I have about $200 in cashback I can use towards the balance, so that's good. But I think what I decided this morning is to work toward paying off the washer/dryer portion and then keep making minimum payments until the sneakers start selling so that money has a purpose. If you recall about $800 of the bill is from the washer/dryer. And $700 is from my brief foray into reselling sneakers. The card has 0% intro rate for the rest of the year so I have time to pay it off. 

I think I'd rather build a little more cushion in my Hub account before paying off a big bill. And with talk of taking a modified sabbatical I want to have more cash on hand. 

More sabbatical talk

So since yesterday this sabbatical has taken on many forms. I was going to use that $3k tax refund as a budget guide but it ultimately wouldn't get me far. Since this is more of a panic-sabbatical getting the best deal is unlikely. I mostly want to get out of this crying house tomorrow.

I think right now I just need a physical act to distance myself from the recent pain.

In other news I'm like 50% decided I'm going to drive the 1.5 -2 hours to volunteer next weekend. And treat myself to crab buffet afterward. I really hope they're still open and still have crabs! I think the metric I used was: I like doing it, it'll get me out of the house, and what else do I have going on! Part of me is still thinking of starting a team at the nearby elementary school, but we shall see. 

I digress.

Back to sabbatical. I did some cursory searches and Google had given me a top 5 list of

- Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia Canada (1500 mile drive/ 24hr drive)

- San Diego (2500 miles/ 37hr drive)

- Oslo, Norway

- Iceland

- Porto, Portugal

I searched Canada. It's not the first time a Google search has landed me in Canada as a possible destination spot. But the prices there were around the $$2k/mon mark. Similarly in San Diego and even in Norway. Portugal was closer to the $1k to 1.5k. But oh, yeah plane tickets.

So this imaginary sabbatical of 3 months got distilled down to maybe 1 month now and 1 or 2 months later.

Going somewhere in the summer lacks a certain appeal but I'm back in survival mode - a place I know best. 

Now I'm thinking somewhere drivable so I can escape my escape if I need to. 

Who knows maybe this all just me avoiding doing the work that's due tomorrow.  Meh. 

How many times can I grieve the loss of this dream. It's getting a little ridiculous. 

I think I even checked Catskills NY since A Purple Life had such rave reviews about it. 

I'll probably putz around with it for a few more hours before doing some actual work.