That dream died

 So I would say probably since 5a or 7a this morning, my mind was ruminating on my summer plans. May is upon us after all!

The thoughts were:

- Go to Seattle in May for 6 weeks (for about $8k)

- Go to Seattle in the Fall for 6 weeks (for about $7k)

- Go to Boone next weekend

- Take a week long trip (~$800/ea) every mon from May to Aug (since no student loan payments)

- None of the above.

Here's the trouble I'm having with spending money- What are the limits! For the last 4 years, it's been easy to say No to optional trips like the above. It wasn't even an issue. I worked in an office where I was actively working 8 hours a day. It was enough to have a staycation and order a bunch of a takeout. And then the last year or so, I figured out how much I needed to live and auto-saved the rest. So that was not even an issue. And oh, yeah COVID. So last year was the easiest year of my life, in terms of financial decision making.

Lots of rules and few options. 

This year. I'm all over the place. I frontloaded my 401k in the first 3 months to make a final dash to reach $500k. Once that was done, I wanted to take a breather and figure out what it was like to actually spend the money I make. 

I mean I've only been working for 6 years and still have yet to spend like I actually have a job. The fun of frugality kind of wore off.

It sure doesn't help when people around me are on the regular trajectory. Buy house, buy bigger house, nicer car, cool vacations, etc. 

It really is the company you keep! The FIRE blogs got a little boring, so that didn't help. 

What also didn't help my case was that I have 4 open credit cards for the sign-up bonus offering me 0% interest rate for a year. It's a slippery slope.

Without these cards, none of my silly thoughts would even be a possibility. At least right now. 

But it's been surprisingly hard to ignore that I have them. 

Maybe I should just close them! There's no real reason to keep them open. 

I might keep one Visa one for the next couple years (or open another one next year), since travel is not completely off the table the next year or so. 

If I do do that, I'll want to make sure to just go ahead and overpay the card BEFORE booking travel, just so I won't be tempted to carry a balance. Or shop for travel with a long eye - i.e., I'll be able to pay it off eventually.

My Penpal has now let 2 days pass between our last correspondence. I was already put off by the 1 day, this just kind of makes me feel meh. It makes me glad I didn't give my number to the Iranian because I'm sure it would've followed the same path. #BeenHereDoneThat

It was nice thinking, if anything, he would be a default person to date in Seattle. But this does not look promising. But on the other hand, that was the purpose of email. A long grace period. Once a week is actually fine by me. He goes on the Tuesday schedule just like everyone else. 

So maybe I use the Boone trip to kickoff my Return to Normal Life.

I do still want to have a Single Girl Summer, but I just wonder what that looks like if I take dating out of it. But maybe it'll be fun at 39. If it works out with work schedule, fine. If not, that's okay too. 

But surprisingly, I'm feeling more like I have a clean break from dating. This feels okay. 

Maybe I don't recreate the past and try to make the puzzle pieces fit. The dream was for once to have it all going for me at the same time - friends, living in a city, money!!, work-life balance, energy, love, adventure. 

Oh well. It'll be a grey bucket list item.

I'm glad I tried to give myself the 2 weeks to figure out what the heck I'm doing. The timeout has proven fruitful if not mentally stressful.

I'm not that excited about the Boone trip, though. I really don't have any desire to visit another part of NC. I haven't gotten over the prison vibes I feel living here. 

So a lady I met in the airport at Seattle just invited me to go with her and her family to Hawaii in August. How funny!