I'm trying very hard to happy. I'm counting all my blessings. I'm never not grateful, I've just always wanted more out of life.
I feel like the couple who wasn't sure they wanted kids but as soon as they realized they couldn't have it, it's all they wanted.
I'm looking forward to getting off these apps and never mentioning the word husband again. EVER.
In other news, after seeing my Spectrum internet bill had jumped up $20 instead of the $10, I freaked out and called them for the 2nd time to try to get a better rate.
After 20 minutes, I was able to get a $15 discount. Sweet!
Small wins.
I saw some cute dresses at Walmart. I could easily buy 5 if I were going on a week or weekend getaway with a long lost love. I think in my romantic fantasies of online dating I chose an out of state region because I liked the idea of having these concentrated moments of time together to really build a connection rather than this slow burn.
I'm just not a slow burn kind of girl.
I hate wanting more because if I were a girl that accepted just a little bit less, I would have had 3 relationships by now since being on the apps. I'd still be alone but at least there would've been some substance to the heartache. If I hadn't freaked out and had instead let myself be an option, I would be planning a weekend booty-call right now. It's sure better than crying for the last 5 days.
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