Feeling Fine

 I made a decision and I feel fine about it. Hmmm, imagine that. 

Usually I make a decision and my Feelings or Mean Brain immediately revolt.

Wow is this what it feels like to be normal!

I think this dating thing is coming to an end! Sweet mango!

I have just been gently reminding myself that this was supposed to be a fun foray last fall. And that this was a natural stopping point.

That's all I came on here to say.

I kept waiting for a frantic Expedia search or some inner turmoil. And nada!

Even as the a/c clicks on and off reminding me of even hotter days to come.

Oh did I mention upon my return, the two empty fields that had been staked a few weeks ago, now have been dug up. Yikes, construction is coming!

But it's okay. 

Oh a committee member (what I decided to call people in my life) shared that she pays $1600/mon for rent in Houston for a 1bd. That made me feel a little gleeful about my shabby rent.

Yay!

I'm still always background-scoping more affordable places to live that might be desirable.

Well, again I'm back to reality. 

Can't wait to see what tricks the Devil has for me next.

Yep, all good things come from God and all bad things come from the  Devil, the maker of evil.

Pastor Rick's daily hope series is talking about big dreams. I almost fell for it too. I tried to journal about it, but I really came up empty other than finding that big love.

Yeah that promise of more and prosperity and abundance has just been a trailway of tears, so I'm not falling for that dance anymore.  There's just no data that my idea of abundance and God's idea of abundance are the same thing.

So I maintain survival. 

Haha! Wait as I'm reflecting on my Seattle trip, I'm realizing most of the things I set out to do..mostly came true.

I ate sushi- check!

I ate Thai food - check!

I went on 3 dates - check!

(I kissed a boy! That was a bonus)

I stopped crying - check!!!!

So there's that, but it just felt like it barely happened. I think that's what goals are for me. Just guideposts to help me get unstuck.

I didn't really want to take a tram and walk a mile, but I did because I wanted Thai food! 

I was feeling pretty over it, but I still swiped Friday night because I had this old goal of wanting to go on 3 dates. 

Anyways, I've totally lost my train of thought. I'm just going to go sit in silence now.