Boone Cancelled

 I don't know what's going on. It was harder to cancel the reservation than I thought. I think I'm just stressed from work and I needed to control an outcome.

Since it was already paid for, it seemed easier just to go. But I didn't really want to go.

But somehow, I didn't really want to cancel. Rational Brain said to sleep on it. 

The thought of spending $800 to stay in another part of NC didn't make that much sense. And really the getting away and away from this death house was essentially already accomplished with my Seattle trip.

I think I'm just trying to rein in my emotions.

All or nothing.

Either I get to pursue this fantasy Hot Girl Summer or I don't.

Since I'm not going to Seattle that means a Bummer Summer, so I cancelled the trip. Keep it simple, stupid.

It was starting to get confusing what I was doing in Boone.

I looked up a few restaurants and it looked okay. Like, sure I could get up and go there.

I feel unsettled.

I think I'm tired of running away from this pain and this lingering effect of dating.

In the end, what was the big deal. If I need to book again, maybe they'll still have availability the following week. 

I hoped cancelling it would take it of my mental plate but it didn't really. 

I thought about changing the reservation to the following week, but it feels personal with AirBnB. Like with a hotel, I'd have no problem because I don't have any responsibility to them. But AirBnB feels personal. 

Maybe I should have just waited until I finished the final draft of my document. 

Maybe the monthly trips will just be a distraction to help me get through the summer. Maybe it doesn't need to be much more than that. 

I don't know. I need to define some better objectives I guess.