Why I'm Not Responding to Old Boss (Updated)

 This woman is still keeping me up at night even after I settled myself after those first two weeks of spiraling. 

She messaged me again yesterday to check on me. 

It's just all too late by human timing. I would like to say it's God's timing but we all know I missed my destiny so I'm just stuck in this tangled woods of nonsense.

My Maryland Aunt said to be polite and respond and even ask about her family. No, thanks.

Then when I tried to offer insight that I thought we were friends and I did want to let Old Boss know she hurt my feelings, Maryland Aunt was less certain and thought letting Old Boss know upfront might be too much but I could ease into it after a few exchanges. I don't know either.

It kept me up most of the night.

This morning, it just feels easier to do nothing. Obviously, if we ever ran into each other in a work environment I would treat her like any other employee, but I feel like Teams allows you to pretend not to see each other eventhough both parties know the messages are received.

So it's not so much a petty I'm trying to hurt you. It's more I'm trying to protect me and Future Me. 

People ignore e-messages from each other ALL THE TIME. I think it's horrible and I hate being on the receiving end. I generally don't do it to others until they do it to me repeatedly. It's funny how upset they get (EVERY TIME) when they're on the receiving end.  Anyway, I digress.

I think the thought that keeps popping into my head is: I don't want to encourage future texts which means future turmoil.

You're not my friend. Your "business critical" boundary was heard loud and clear. I looked up to you!  And while you've said no one is their worst day, I've been a part of this story and I'm always the one left on the outside.  So it's not because of your worst day. It's because your worst day shone a light on all your other bad days. 

Whatever good you did for me, I feel I gave you my sweat and tears for a year. I would say we're even.  And when I spend too much time looking back on last year, I see way too many microaggressions by your team to make the memories fond. 

I already felt rejected by you on the last day and the subsequent two weeks. I finally was able to not feel such strong negative feelings the third week during my moments of clarity.

It's about 10a on Tuesday and I think that's where I'm at. This drama ends today. 

2p Update: In the heat of the moment around 1p while on the phone with Spectrum and trying to solve another banking issue, I sent the following text: 

You're amazing for saying that!!! Hope all is well.

By 2p, I regretted it for the following reasons: I found myself constantly checking Teams and Outlook for some sort of response. I remembered that I really wanted to disengage. Ugh, I feel sick. 

There was a solid chance she'd probably try a 3rd attempt, that's been her way when she's been ignored in the past. So at least this put a kibosh on that. 

Another good thing is I don't have to think about it after today so I was able to contain all the drama in Aug. That is a plus.

Let me explain the message. 3 exclamation points - super fake. "you're amazing for xyx"... super fake and my standard response for fake compliments. In the end, it's pretty much like saying nothing w/o the fear of retaliation.

The response was essentially neutral but maybe not as powerful as no response. I think it does leave the door open for future communication though which I don't want. 

Some might say it's the right thing to do because it's polite. But part of it is a little emotional and sarcastic which in itself is communicating a message. 

I think too holding on to it with the silence/no-response was sending an emotional message as well if we're being honest. 

I think once my heart settles, this type of response was probably the best way to go. We're not friends. You were never into me.  You didn't call me. You messaged me during the workday on Teams. This reach-out is a checklist for you so you can feel good about yourself, so I will imitate that so you can continue to feel good about yourself. Because again, you were never into me. I was completely duped, and you completely win. You got the absolution you wanted. This wasn't my race to win. 

And that's okay. This was not my destiny. 

There wasn't really anything I hoped to gain out of the exchange. For a year it was clear I was going nowhere and I was nothing to you. For a year, there was the underbelly of microaggression and weirdness.  You're not asking me back. We're not riding into the sunset together. I was had and you were made. So in the end I figured it out, so I'll give myself some credit there. 

I got out. I'm free!