Sunday 8p Check-In

 Wow, I stumbled upon yet another note to myself apparently from Jan of this year. It talked about churning till Bonus day but finding a way out sooner rather than later. Then why am I so sad? What part of it was me just being dramatic or over-reacting? How many of these feelings were real and not just highly reactive to a transient circumstance? I obviously was seeking out these hiring managers for a reason, but in these last few weeks my boss's reaction has totally shaken my confidence that this was the right choice. 

I wish my feelings were more reliable but they are the biggest liar of them all.

Today was an unexpected cry fest.

Sundays are hard in general but I have to solo-train myself again. I did it by myself for the 5 years after professional school because even then I was not inclined to spend money to make memories because longterm work turned out not to be my long term plan. 

In my notes in January, I didn't even dare to dream of getting to FIRE 500 any sooner than age 42. One hopeful estimate had me at mid-year 2023. That's 2 years from now and even that seems so far away.

Right now, it's just get to the next day. Next goal after that is next 30 days. 

Next week would be the perfect week to go somewhere, but with COVID picking up, I'll need to entertain myself. 

I already decided for my week off in September, I'm going to do the discovery + free trial, so I'm looking forward to that.

Speaking of, here's some things I'm doing well. In case you didn't see my last post, I discovered this website called overemployed.com. It was just the little humor I needed to affirm my Low Expectations mindset from here on out.

So what I've done well (and differently vs last job) so far:

- Taken my time on LMS training modules

- Volunteered for nothing (ok one small thing - I volunteered to update the email DL, never again)

- Did not work weekends (still checked email...namely to see if anything from Old Job...muscle memory and anxious reflex)

- I SCHEDULED 2 weeks of vacation!! (Old Me would've been so worried about making a good impression after starting a job, but whatever. It's an internal transfer and this vacay isn't going to spend itself. Last year I didn't even take bereavement leave when my dad died. Rookie mistakes)

- Scheduled 45 minute lunches where I walk away from computer

- Been trying to be good about "appearing away" on Teams after 5p (actually, this is mixed. I was going to skip logging into Teams at all because I'm still in Training and no one is really chatting me, but I think I still have to manage perceptions...this will be the hardest part for my logical brain. So, when I have logged into Teams, I have been setting it to stay on Busy until 5p and then I set an alarm to remember to change it to "Offline" after 5p.)

So next week my mentor is out, so I'll focus just on my remaining 10 modules and then maybe the week after I'll work through the remainder of the Onboarding checklist at glacial speed. 

- I am now auto-investing pretty much all of my paycheck except a little less than $1100/mon. I only plan to do this until end of year for a couple reasons. One, at some point I'll have to start paying back my student loans. Two, next year I do plan on upping my spending budget to $30k so I can get some creature comforts and a vacation!

But really, just 1 day at a time.