Still Crying Over My Boss

 At this point, I'm trying to shame myself into stopping.

Every time I think about all that has transpired, I tear up and hot fat wimpy tears fall. Even up until 1 hour ago.

This is odd. I'm telling you this is still side effects of grief and just general sadness. I've never cried so much in my life as the last couple of years. 

And I hear people are dying again. 

I was actually getting through the day distracting myself.

I logged off at 3p. I took part of a lunch break. Yeah, I won't get over this in a day but geez.

It usually takes me ten years to get over someone.

And I was just closing the door on old friends and mental flings (for the millionth time). 

I think the unresolved ones are harder to get over because how do you check that off. For my spectrum-adjacent brain, things that don't make sense are harder to process. 

What if you could just go up to people and ask them, why did you stop wanting to be my friend?

Why did you stop calling me?

Why do you love that person more than me?

Why is your x,y,z a bigger priority than me?

I wonder what would happen?

Would it help? Would it change anything. Would it help just to ask knowing you probably wouldn't get a response and if you got a response it would not be truthful?

If I may ask, why?

So I got triggered with an email. I got an email for the job I used to do so I forwarded to my old team. She responded that I was no longer in that role and she would be the contact person. (First, why not My Buddy...this is supposed to be her area of expertise. I digress.) To me, that was the perfect opportunity to say, hey MERJ! How was your first day? Thinking of you! We miss you!

Will it help if I stop talking about it?