A Little Bit of Calm and Comparison

 So I'm still trying not to talk about Old Job to my two people that enjoy the gossip as much as I do.  So blog gets the good stuff. This is supposed to help me from dwelling.

As I like to pick up life advice from my TV shows, I was watching Fresh off the Boat and the Chinese woman was saying that after a birth there's a sitting period or healing period for 30 days where you just kind of stick to a routine and heal usually with a loved one. 

I like that. So I'm attempting to heal for the next 30 days. I thought I'd be over it by last weekend, but obviously I'm not. So I'm going for 30 days. Part of the healing is not talking to Old Roommate or Maryland Aunt about Old Job. That should help because that's just less recall.

I am talking about it out loud to myself though.

I went ahead and added Old Boss's Calendar back to my calendar view. Maybe I can more readily give it up after 30 days. 

What I did do today is reach out to the Other Coworker that left 3 months ago. I mostly wanted to share my pain but I disguised it as questions.

I asked her if her New Manager and Old Manager discussed her transition date. The answer - BIG FAT No. So I don't know what the heck my manager was talking about. I don't think it was a bad ask, but I don't like the implication that I did something wrong or the lecture about it on my last day. It should be my choice if anything. How dare you. 

The only thing is I wish I could have more convincingly told her I asked. But I tried to insinuate that. I don't remember anymore.

Secondly, I asked what the communication was like after she left. She said she got three random chat messages but couldn't tell me when. And she also sent a message about an award she received. Okay.

Then we got to talking about the overall vibe. Other Coworker said she was really close with her team but not that close with my New Manager. We talked about gifts or emails. I expressed my feelings were hurt because I thought My Manager and I were close. And I actually was the one who sent my manager a gift and a warm fuzzy email. Other Coworker honestly didn't seem to give two flips about My Manager. She couldn't remember if she got a gift card or what. I looked back through my email, and Old Coworker got a Farewell Lunch gathering, a giftcard to buy lunch and an Amazon gift card. Wow. 

So I wanted confirmation that I didn't do anything wrong with the transition date. Confirmed.

The exit was chilly and a little unusual. Confirmed. 

One thing Other Coworker was asking was if I told her that I was interviewing. I didn't specifically say I'm interviewing on this date, but neither did Other Coworker. Other Coworker did tell our Manager she was applying. So that's one difference.  But in my mind, My Manager and I have been doing this song and dance for a year. She's mentioned more than once that I could get a job anytime. I told her before when another team encouraged me to apply. 

And honestly, before I made the leap I had a low level of confidence in my department that I would get promoted over My Buddy. I even tried to casually mention re-creating my role. This is where I second guess myself- should I have made a formal presentation - with slides and a drafted job description. But again, if I'd had even a modicum of encouragement for something like that, I would've done it. But when you take 3 months to tell me that you can't raise my salary, that just didn't sit well with me. So yeah, at times I do wonder if I'd stuck it out 6 more months if I would have gotten the role and salary I wanted. Again, low level of confidence that this would come to fruition given the available evidence.  But yeah, here we are.