The Next 30 Days and Beyond

 I'm 2 weeks into new job and I haven't heard from Old Boss. And I noticed a plan to recruit for my old role. That is actually surprising. Anyway, if I'm honest part of me is still hoping for some sort of personal message. 

Because that thought still exists, I devised a game plan for when I'm on the verge of breaking down.

From Aug 11 - Sep 11: 30 Days of Healing

- Get all my feelings out (including the tears and the angry words and unspoken things)

- Do whatever I need to do  (e.g. exposure therapy if needed OR cold turkey if needed)

- Realize being bitter is wasteful - that's so many good years of doing the right thing wasted; but if I must vent (only if solicited and not to my family or any known secret keepers), I'll allow it

-  Recognize the break up is here to stay

- Time to myself; no visitors (i.e. going dark on devices)

- Okay to send the Cheeky Comeback if contacted (the modified version okay too)

After Sep 11: #Ineverknewyou

- NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN

- No more calendar views

- Don't disparage Old Team - say my prepared generic response if asked (honestly no one has asked, I've just been word vomiting because I'm so scared of saying what I truly feel)

- Don't send the Cheeky Comeback; just completely ignore them even if contacted (for non-business reasons, and even then...wait 3 days unless "business critical" so I can respond professional without emotion)

- I never knew you; I don't have an Old Boss, you were just some lady I used to know

Forgiveness and Return to Grace

(because the tiny bit of God I have left in me always has some magical thinking that somehow this was all A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING - to date it never has been)

If ALL of these things happen, I can forgive and forget and move on with her; forgiveness is instant because I'm not going to retaliate. But I can't trust that I'm not being setup again. Honestly, my aunt shared a story that her Old Boss asked her back when my aunt quit only to have the power to lay her off - which she did. Honestly, with such little time left in my work life it's hard to really care when I'm lucid.  So realistically, what would even be the point of going backwards? 

My call center days are officially over. There's no going back now. I guess I really did retire and didn't even know it. Where's my party?!

Now it feels pointless to even write this but I already had it down in my notebook, so here goes:

- Admit I was Top Employee/Performer

- Pay $150k (but I'll take $140k) and give me AD role

- Admit Old Buddy did not meet your expectations

Moving on..

The next 30 days are a part of a 3-phase plan for the next year of my life. I always liked how A Purple Life is so bold with her claims for her life. I'm not that bold. Look at the dumpster fire of the last 3 or 4 years.  Honestly, it just feels like each place I go, the worse the experience. And the worse the exit. No one talks about that. Doesn't bode well for this job, but here we are. 

The financial reassurance I have is technically at 5% withdrawal rate, I'd be okay financially, just not mentally prepared. And I would sure hate another messy exit. 

Anyway, I have written this in shorthand in a couple different places, but The Final Countdown begins now. 

Phase 1: (Aug to Dec 2021) Aggressively Save

Phase 2: (Jan to Mar 2022) Final Accumulation Phase

Phase 3: (Mar to July 2020) Hoard Cash

Because long timelines are usually very discouraging, I'm just focusing on the Next 30 days for now. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. And it's still hard.