Am I Actually Stingy or Miserly?

 Those might be the same things. I had mentally prepared that if I made more money with New Job, I would start sending $500/mon overseas to my family. I am their 401k plan, pension, social security, medicare, life insurance, etc... 

At least that was the narrative in my mind. That was the narrative I was going to tell my boss if we had come to blows over why I wanted to leave sooner rather than later.

It never came to that. Is it better to keep things inside or to explode and have it out. The thing with having it out is that it's not as easily forgotten. Unsaid things are easier to forget in the long run. Can't be recalled if no one else knew you felt them.

When do I get my day in court and get to air all my grievances.

I do think my boss got the last word and for her to just drop me... ugh. I haven't gotten over it.

Anyway, being this close to FIRE, I literally just want to save as much money as possible. I never want to feel these feelings again.

All I'm praying for for this job is just to make it through. I have no hopes and desires. 

In the end, this was the right decision. I already didn't feel like I really fit in with my last team and with all of them going back on site soon and me dialing in, I think that chasm was going to only widen. 

I do see now how wild my ask might have been perceived. Hey, we're lessening some of your responsibilities (but still want to keep you). So ask for more money. But I went for it anyway. I didn't want to be a scape goat for all these extra projects because there was a perception that my plate was light.

I think that team in general just works that way. Yes, I'm trying to self-soothe by recalling how I got here. 

Being laser focused is a coping mechanism but it's also been the secret to my success.

As excited as I am for this new Beginning, I'm also terrified of what's to come. 

My relationship with my boss just feels unresolved.

Why are you mad? Are you mad? Are you annoyed?

Did you want me to leave?

What did you actually see me doing?

Were you planning on promoting My Buddy?

What was the 6 month plan here? 1 year? 2 year?

Were you going to make me senior manager?

Do you think I was outperforming My Buddy? If yes, how did you feel about that? If no, how come??

Was there ever a world where I would be promoted over My Buddy?

Honestly, what was my role going to be?

Why couldn't you pay me more? (We waste sooo much money on these launches!)

How much does My Buddy make?

Classic struggle: Keep Your eyes off others. Run your own race. 

But how to practice that in a collaborative team environment?