Thurs, Oct 27, 2022, Boys are dumb

 Dear Diary,

Sean came over last night. I keep worrying I'm going to accidentally call him by the wrong name. That'd be hilarious. I'm straddling the line between trying to let him think I'm interested and throwing it in his face that I'm not really and I'm dating other people. I almost said it last night but he doesn't pick up on hints well.

He asked me what I was doing after he left, and I said I had plans.. and when he pushed... I said to meet with a friend. 

I'm pretty sure he accidentally said, I love you yesterday. But I don't know if he thinks he needs to say that so he doesn't feel bad about fooling around. I'm so proud of myself for not going all the way!!! I was very tempted to try to convince him to love me with my vagina. Yep.

We finally kissed. I didn't feel anything. It felt nice, but not magical. It's hard to develop feelings when someone clearly says / but not so clearly acts like they just want to fool around as friends. 

Phew, he just texted to make sure we're good. I think he doesn't really want anything romantic (because he's said so), but also wants to be just nice enough to keep fooling around. 

But it also feels likes he's practicing being a boyfriend again.... shrug.

At least getting back to NC will physically remove me from limbo which is actually what I need right now.

He said he's soooo busy this week (then when I realized there's only 1 day left of the week, I felt less bad), and may want to do something next week. I'm not mentioning at all that I'll be gone... forever! 

Hahah. 

This time I know better than to let something like this linger. It's a fling. I won't delete my number but I won't ask for anything either. 

Whoops too late. He again wanted to talk about it so I said just enjoy being fwb/booty call and he (in my mind) confirmed he preferred being FWB. He said, 'I prefer fwb.'

Well, oh well. I did manage to convert a previous FWB into a stalker, so there's hope, but moving back to NC for a bit will definitely protect me from having sex with someone who doesn't love me. Phew.

And my manager just assigned me to a new project and that team is in the UK so back to early wake up times.

Phew. 

I'll keep you posted on what happens with Sean. 

Because I have nothing else to do, I'll still try to do what the book says. 

Omg, now he wants to plan a date night. I can feel the relief of not wanting to be my boyfriend wash over him through text.