Early sunsets

 I am already feeling the effects of early sunsets. I don't want to be dramatic but I can totally see myself quitting my job if I had to wake up before it gets dark all winter.

So the decision to move back to NC for winter hibernation remains a solid one. I am still in awe that this is my life.

I went through another iteration of the exercise of trying to repackage my life wherein there is a different outcome. Today we entertained - maybe you had to go through the struggle of Aunty MERJ's death and that period of devastating loss in which you truly appreciated how much support she provided for you to ready you for the love of your life.

Nonsense.

I've always maintained I'm not someone who had to know bad to appreciate good. So Brain was challenging me on this that I never fully appreciated everything my aunt did for me until she was gone. 

But I don't buy it.

The alternative life for me was falling in love with my high school sweetheart and living happily ever after. FIRE and all the other things aren't better outcomes. They are just different paths because my chosen path didn't work out.

So, Death it is!

I'm still missing Dan. I just am.

I went on Ice-cream Date this afternoon. I should've guessed that a human adult being available in the middle of the day probably was indicative of joblessness. It didn't even occur to me. But "in-between" gigs he was. I don't think I've ever found a trait more unattractive. 

I paid for my own ice cream and took the bus home after about a couple hours of idle chat.

Blah. 

This isn't helping in huge strides to get over Dan. 

I'm meeting up with the French girl in about an hour for Happy Hour. I want to be mad at myself for agreeing to do this but the alternative is just falling asleep. So this will make tomorrow even more blissful.

I forgot to get eggs! I think I'm not completely committed to making banana bread though, but I probably will for evenings (and mornings) such as this. 

As much as my defacto dating coaches have lauded letting/making the guy pay, I still paid for my ice-cream. Even I realized this summer that I prefer when the guy pays because it makes it feel more like a date. But I think I just prefer to pay because it takes the pressure off me. I think other girls are more vocal about boundaries, and I'm just not them. I think a lot of my pre-conceived notions about dating and even dating dangers are from TV/popular media and are often not that realistic or common (ie, sex on the 3rd date, and feelings, and talking/not talking about certain things).

I like paying for myself and finding my own way there. I like being able to independently come and go and not be dependent on the other person. Oh well.

I just want to sleep. It's a bit chilly in my apartment and the sun has set. It's only 6:30p so I can't fall asleep or I'll be awake again and it'll still be Friday!

Ugh, I think I'll fit in 1 more lazy date before I leave, just not sure when. That'll make 3 which is a good effort. 

So I think leaving mid-October will be a good thing after all. 

The weather is surprisingly similar in both places and the days are about the same length. But staying until the end if my workload makes sense works too.

Wow, I can't believe it's just about the holiday season. I feel like Halloween is kind of the beginning of the end of the year. Or at least the beginning of holiday season. I mean nothing really happens in Nov and Dec anyway. So it's like a 10 month year. 

I'm looking forward to a glorious last week off. I don't think there are quite as many events so maybe I will have some time off to just get heartburn from eating too many snacks and meals in bed. 

And maybe take shorter walks in the park. Walking the whole loop is pretty boring. I thought I would enjoy it more. 

I still have a few restaurants to try so that might be a thing I do. 

I have the bowling thing Sunday but Michelle organized a haunted asylum tour on Sunday, so I have to choose. The bowling thing seems easier because I already paid for it. 

I don't know ...being that active just doesn't feel that appealing to me right now.

There are couple hikes tomorrow and I ended up changing my RSVP on the one I signed up for. Again, as much as I want to be a true Seattleite, I never made it to a hike. 

Both my Maryland Aunty and Frenemy called me yesterday. This was just after declaring I was finally free from their random calls. I took both calls because Frenemy claimed she'd tried calling me 17 times. None of them came through. 

But the fact that I really thought about not answering either of those calls and being okay with it lets me know I'm pretty much there. If they call on a Tuesday, I'm fine to answer. I guess I can call them back the following Tuesday if I feel like it should they call on a day that's not a Tuesday.

With Maryland Aunty I was proud of myself for not really extending the conversation or offering up anything about myself to not be listened to.

For Frenemy, I was very much prepared for "the urgent" please call me request to be frivolous. And it was - should I sign up for this way cheaper car insurance? We talked a little bit about me and there was even pretense of a follow-up call today to talk about my fun night out last night, but surprise, surprise, her mom called and she had to go and the conversation inevitably turned back to her issues. 

Data, friends, data.

Oh! One more thing. Now that I'm actively looking for how others budget/ plan for/ categorize Lifestyle Expenses, I've been stumbling on some blog posts that talk about it. Physician on Fire budgets 2x his Extras costs in his FIRE number and calls it his Financial Freedom Number. His FI number is just what is needed to cover core costs.

I guess I technically have 3 numbers.

The bare bones FIRE budget which is about $20k/year. Which has been tested for both expenses and income via other ways. 

The kind of 'living wage' (name still in progress) budget of around $35k/yr. Which is roomier and has my actual current living expenses - including student loans, sending money overseas, and a little cushion, very, very modest cushion kind of as regenerating emergency fund/unplanned expenses fund. 

And then my new found budget that includes a pretty generous (by my standards) Lifestyle Fund. This is what I'm most excited to explore in 2023. It started off high with some weird math and has finally stabilized to a reasonable amount that eases my anxiety on multiple levels.

Ok, I've stalled as much as I can for this outing. I might just brush my teeth quickly. Dab off some of the oil on my face from the face makeup I applied earlier and put on one of the outfits I wore earlier this week (that's how invested I am in this Meetup). 

And just as I go to review this, Sean finally texted. He's at the board game meetup. If he only knew how many times I checked the invite list! Boys are dumb.

But just like that, I've been revived!