Fri, Oct 28, 2022, A tale of two boys

 Dear Diary, 

It's 6a PST, and I'm awake. Although I lamented briefly about waking up this early, I adjusted okay. I'm up typing this aren't I? I think just that 5a wake up time really messes me up for the rest of the day. Strange what that extra hour can do.

Today's tasks include:

- Completing my timesheet

- Finishing up some of Valerie's tasks

I finally got a 3rd date scheduled from the app. We're going mini-golfing! I decided even if he bails or doesn't show up, I'm still going to do it myself. Lately, there's been a series of bad behavior from app guys so I'm a little wary about this date. 

I'm still on the fence about whether I'll do online dating again next summer when I'm back in Seattle. 

Anyway, Sean wasn't paying very much attention to me last night, so I ended up messaging Dan. Google wouldn't let me sign in because they said they noticed bot behavior. Old Me would have thought it was a sign not to message Dan. But since I don't believe in signs anymore, I verified my account; signed in; and messaged him.

He responded!

I think he's okay to meetup. I decided if he wants to, I'll definitely sleep with him. My hope is to use protection (even if it's not latex-free) and not do anything that's not protected. But we'll see. We know I'm weak with him and want to use my vagina to make him fall in love with me.

My initial text only asked for a meetup as a friends, but I know he likes to push boundaries, so I'm hoping he'll want to hook up. 

While being with him physically will be nice, the goal here was just to re-establish contact. If I were to fantasize for more, I hope to have a rendezvous later this year, ie go to Hawaii or some other warm destination over winter break. Ideally, I want some options for a summer fling next summer in My Perfect Year. 

Although we already slept together, I think if we kept seeing each other, I'd want to practice the things in Dr. Pat's book. It's unlikely, I'd be able to resist or feel confident enough that I'd keep his attention without sleeping with him. The thing I'll withhold is that we have to use protection and none of the other stuff he likes to do. I feel more confident limiting activities than not doing anything at all. I think the logic is enough that he'll comply. I'll just say I don't want to have to keep asking because it makes me feel x,y,z. He doesn't have to be in a relationship with me but he would need to deactivate his dating apps to do his favorite activity.

Anyway, let's not get ahead of ourselves, although I've pretty much been thinking about it all night.

I'm soooo glad I'm leaving Monday and that I essentially have something to do each day until then, even if only for a couple hours. 

Let's talk about Sean. He does the thing that I've seen before when a guy likes you (although people may just be genuinely nice since all these guys I thought like me ended up "liking" other girls and made them their girlfriends). He has expressed wanting to get me different soap. He's sent me links for a keyboard he thinks I should get. Tried to help me with my apartment door. Suggested I download like 2 different apps. He offered to bake me some pumpkin bread out of the blue when he was here. Went into a tizzy about us meeting up. And let's not forget he accidentally said, I love you. I love that for as vocal as he was after our first cuddle date, recounting just about every detail, he has failed to mention that one. He even said something about not wanting kids yet. Mind you, I didn't bring it up. I said something about 'no regerts' (from that Snickers commercial), and he came back with 'no rugrats.' So someone has projected far ahead. But then he's so quick to tell me he just wants to be friends and that I'm more into him romantically than he is me. *Exaggerated eye roll.*

I'm trying to do what Dr. Pat advises and just be upbeat about it and not correct him, but it's at times infuriating. I've been contemplating dropping the ...I'm still dating other people bomb on him, but not sure yet. He technically never asked. 

He has boardgames tonight, and I'm curious if he just expects I'll be there. We didn't really talk about it. And then he has a hike on Saturday.  Honestly, it'll be a bit of reprieve from trying to figure out what the heck he's doing. 

I don't know if I should treat all boys as friends until proven otherwise, or treat them like Dr. Pat says in the book. I guess, until we are dating, treat them as friends. 

Well, that's all for now.

PS - We got early deposit of our checks, and since my Net Pay was a little more than I was expecting, I'm hopeful that my tax withholding issue was corrected. Our paystubs probably won't post for a few more days, so I'll know more then.