Fri, Oct 21, 2022, Still in fake love

Dear Diary,

It's the last Friday of my vacation!  Been chatting with Sean via text since around 1p, so I guess only 3 hours, but it felt like forever. It's mostly risque flirty banter. Which makes me feel a bit like if it were real life, he would only be interested in me for 1 thing. That thing. 

I was starting to get mad but I reread chapters of the book to remember my game plan. For the 1st three months, I just have to let him pursue and chase me without chastising him unless it's something immoral or unethical.

It's hard to draw the line via text because I don't actually feel unsafe just cautious that it might go too far and he won't see me as a potential mate. He has asked me a couple times if he's going too far. A part of me does fear we won't have much to talk about if it's not sexual in nature or that he won't find me appealing. I think I'll just keep going until I leave here because I at least want to have a bit more fun while I'm still here.  

Yesterday, I did a good job using verbiage from the book, in fact, of saying what I don't want which was him talking about his close girl friend. I wasn't sure if I'd turned him off but he came back for more today so we'll see. 

I forgot to be more upbeat and positive but I did think it was a good opportunity to practice saying what I don't want. I just think it might have been too soon considering we haven't been on a proper date yet, so I think I'll stick to upbeat and positive ("sound good") until we go on a date. I think I'm okay with a snuggle only sleepover next weekend since it's the last weekend. I do want to leave him with something to remember me by. I'm pretty confident I can resist "going all the way" as the book calls it. 

I think he is very young, doesn't have a lot of experience, and is nice if not a little terse. He apologizes and checks in during our chats, so that feels nice. And today he seemed to acknowledge the 'if/when' of us actually getting to a place where we "went all the way."

I'm very confused on why he thinks that's even on the table when he hasn't even asked me out on a real date. Boys are dumb.

I finished the book this morning so that was good. I really wished it was in audiobook form, but I finally figured out how to use the bookmark and highlight feature. I reread some of the chapter of Phase 1: Month 1 -3, the honeymoon phase. The author is very sure that you shouldn't have sex for the first 3 months until you're into in the Imperfect Phase, so I'm going to stick with that. And definitely not before a commitment.

She is also very clear that feminine is passive patient submission. That is hard but at least so far from what I've seen it makes it easier to observe their behavior. And once I can lean into it, let go of the control and wait for them to give into their biology.

I already feel that the ego stroking I do for Sean helps him be more assertive, so to see a nice return on practicing the ideas on the book is encouraging. 

 I plan to jot some of my notes down from Part 1 on the blog so I can reference it quickly in time of need. I have to figure out a way to get it as an audiobook so I can listen to it idly sometimes for a refresher. 

I think by next Friday if he still hasn't made plans to hang out 1 on 1, after boardgame night, I'll just say something like, do you want to show me your 3D printer? (I'm asking him what he wants, instead of saying I want.)