Getting to I do, Phase 1 Notes

 I just wanted to jot down my notes from Phase 1 (The honeymoon phase/ The Perfect Phase), Getting to I Do. 

Gist: Be Patient. Practice Self-Centered Love.

Phase 1 Notes

• He's "called" you and you begin dating; to men dating is different from courting; courting is marriage minded
• This is month 1 to 3  (0 - 90 days)
• Don't have sex during this phase (so wait about 90 days; wait till at least Imperfect Phase)
• Don't give more than you receive; and even then, give back a little less
• Men fall in love by Giving
• He chooses the dates
• He always pays
• DO NOT correct, chastise, criticize or argue (with his philosophy)
• Be affectionate (be kind, sweet, say thank you, I appreciate that!, You're so nice! Thank you so much! etc.)
• Do things that make him feel good
• Be pretty / Sound Good/ Smell Good (reading that as upbeat, ie "sound good")
• Don't give until you receive (give back less; reading that as say cook 1 meal after he takes you out to 3 dinners)
• Nourish his self-esteem
• DO NOT be his equal
• Do NOT have sex
• He may be hot and cold, ie "in and out", but don't close the door and don't chase!!!
• Wait to require commitment AFTER he asks you for sex 
• (suggested verbiage from book,  pg 139, 'to feel comfortable, I want to know your intentions, other love interests, etc...'/ longevity, exclusivity, ..)
• Do NOT Demand Commitment (demand = masculine)

• RESPOND to his lead
• talk about him
• reach negotiation phase (phase 3) before suggesting alternatives 
• respect his thoughts, suggestions, ideas, opinions, and plans (even if you know you are smarter and can do it better); be positive and supporting and encouraging; offer affection and respect, NOT advice.. don't GIVE advice = giving, and you are Receiver)
• If something doesn't work, tell him how you feel, but don't attempt to take it over and do it better
• DO NOT talk about your goals and needs unless asked!

ALWAYS REMEMBER

• NEVER ask for
• TIME
• LOVE
• AFFECTION
• SEX
• (me: SALT)
• You must wait Patiently for best offer (and say yes or no)
• Men like giving Things (eg, diamonds, house, cars, etc... so you can ask for Things, just not the above four things)

General Notes

• No nagging rights, just leaving rights
• DO NOT talk about your goals and needs unless asked!
• (Note to self: recognize men are SLOW)
• 8 weeks from the last call is when you can safely move on
• General notes
• woman = feelings first, desire to be cherished, say only what you don't want
• "I feel"... "I don't want"
• man = thoughts first, says what he wants, want to be respected
• "I think", "I want"
• Note: saying your thoughts and your wants is masculine, that makes you the man, the pursuer, planner, leader
• commodities: women trade sex for commitment/financial support; that's the only currency on the table 
• Other things to note
• Be honest! (about hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes, respond with feelings)
• Be available (for play, time, sex)
• Don't say yes to everything (men like a challenge)