Thu, Oct 13, 2022, Life Reflections and a credit card bill

Dear Diary,

It's Thursday! What used to be my favorite day of the week. I woke up once I had a title and the beginnings of a blog post. I love thinking about writing to you (in you?). 

I must stop eating right before bed. I wake up with a terrible sore throat. And the cold weather now adds some congestion and post nasal drip. And each morning I'm afraid I might be coming down with something. I'm so sleepy these days. I'm not sure if I want to go out tonight, so we shall see.

I went out last night to trivia with Michelle and Serena. I'd forgotten about her. Some people in Seattle are really hard to read. They don't give you the social laugh when you're trying to be funny. So I didn't expect to see Serena again because she didn't appear to be enjoying herself last week. It's weird hanging around the queer community. I can't tell if people are interested or just being friendly. I guess just assume being friendly until proven otherwise. I guess because does it matter anyway? Anyway, admittedly I did get a little nervous having alone time with Serena when we were waiting for our train together. I think she's ('they') are pretty cute. So that made me feel a little anxious and giddy. I don't know how to calm myself down. 

And then when Michelle asked me to go to an event with her tonight, I wasn't sure if it was a group hang or a friendly date. I declined (after initially agreeing to go), but not because of the uncertain nature of the hang, but because I didn't want to feel trapped in a theater surrounded by people and loud noises. Even though the bars I've been hanging in are loud and noisy, I know I can get up and go anytime I want. I haven't yet, but I could. I feel like in a theater, I'd be obligated to stay.

Anyway, I was hoping today was early pay day, and it was! I'm actually excited to pay off my credit card bill. I've gone through so many exercises of paying off this bill that I'm ready to just be done with it. I don't know if I'm remembering the action item correctly, but if I have enough in my accounts, I'm going to schedule the full payment today. There is something satisfying about paying off the debt. Not really the debt payoff as much as getting the task off my plate. 

I haven't sent any money back overseas for end of September because I'd rather just deal with it when I get home. I have a specific card I use and they have all my information. I guess MoneyGram is international so any other location would have my information, but I'd rather just do it when I get back to NC.

I don't trust my brain and intuition anymore. It's like it has to get recalibrated to Seattle standards. 

I had my first test today of a committee member that I'm trying to get relegated to a Tuesday schedule. I got excited to reply but I think it'll be best to just keep people on the Tuesday schedule. I've been trying to do this for the last 2 or 3 years with mixed results. Mainly it protects me from checking all my devices when I'm feeling down to see if anyone reached out. If it's not Tuesday, then I don't need to get my hopes up. 

I bought a bunch of candy and snacks yesterday and finally walked the loop alone. It was a bit chilly so I might try a long sleeve shirt today when I go walking with the French Girl. I do love Fall! I want to bake something I think. And maybe drink some hot chocolate!  I can't believe I only have 2 weeks left here.

Eventhough I'm kind of looking forward to being back in NC for a bit of a recharge, I'm a bit sad to go. 

I don't know yet how next year is going to go. 

Sometimes I try to go through the exercise of an alternate ending. Is there a time frame that makes sense that I could apply all the lessons learned from the last 40 years and really have 1 more go at getting the life I want? 

But then it's kind of like.. I don't want to... and I shouldn't have to. 

I think just incrementally being more spendy now is probably the best I can do. So spending $70 to join a bowling league (for 3 weeks) and $60 on organic snacks and overpriced fruit seems to align with that. 

Life feels lighter just focusing on my plan for next year. 

Oh, Payroll is messing up my taxes for no reason at all. Shortly after I started, I was able to get my taxes withheld for just NC rather than my company's work location. But for some unknown reason in August, they started withholding taxes for my company's work state. I put in a ticket and still hasn't resolved. 

Alright, let me review this so I can get some money tasks done. My favorite kind of tasks!