I feel okay

 Hmmm... I actually feel fine. I started tracking my moods on a couple apps. I really think some of these intense feelings might be menstrual related but since I don't have a uterus, it makes it hard to track my cycle.

Maybe I'll see a pattern.

Weekends are so hard. I really need to find something to do with them. Especially Sundays!

I got my hair done yesterday and she pulled so hard I wanted to cry. And she burned me A LOT. Last night it was hard to sleep because my head was sore. And I think she trimmed like 4 inches off. It took me like 3 months to grow that. 

I was just stewing over a bunch of stuff - not speaking up at the hair salon. And just all the trauma of getting my hair done, I think that's why I hate doing it now. It's ALWAYS a bad time, but like you just have to suffer through it because what's the alternative. It's pretty much the story of my life.  (Although, I think if I go again, I might take my own hair dryer and try to get her to use it so I'm not burned as much.)

And just worrying about confronting the neighbor because I noticed I've been scratching my car on their trashcans because they double park. So to avoid scraping their car, I'm scraping up mine! I don't want to do that.

My trip. I haven't packed well or thought about it. It's been awhile since I took the train anywhere so not sure what to expect. I need snacks for the trip and for while I'm there. Actually, now that I think about it, I might be able to stock up on snacks at the cafeteria at least for the next day. So maybe I just worry about tomorrow. Just take it easy, MERJ.

I am getting better at that slowly. Boy, money is amazing. These are the moments when having money and not as aggressively saving helps. Yay.

I wasn't sure if ...actually I don't know where that thought was going.

So there's a week between work trips. There was a 1% chance of me going to Kenya to crash a committee member's trip, but after the time they had, that's a hard no. I thought again about going to Seattle just to meetup with Slow Fade. But that's fantasy because we're not even in contact. 

I wanted to get on the app to see if he'd reach out. I don't know if I'm ready for the outcome if he doesn't. I don't want to spiral. 

Since the Seattle Decision there is some calm there as far as the decision making process, but there's also some sadness. I had hoped for a different outcome, naturally.

So I'm just managing those emotions I suppose. But it leaves me with.. what exactly do I do with the next 3 months, not even including July. I'm not complaining about the lighter workload, I just wish I could capitalize on it in a fun way. 

That's all for now. I'm kind of over planning for this one day trip, so I'll just make do with what I have unless I feel inspired later.