Thursday Night Check-In: All the Love is Lost

 So today went by semi-quickly.

I got my first appointment of the day mixed up. I thought it was at 10a so I was killing time until 10a only to find out it was at 11a.

I worked on the blog post and checked emails. Got distracted.

It looks like Spectrum did charge me the lower price. Speaking of which I need to update my Bill Pay. I just didn't feel like it today. I was a bit distracted. 

So that's good news I can be grateful about that. 

I let my clock-radio iPad die and since some blogger mentioned not having music around affected her mood, I was trying to check-in with myself to see if I noticed. Honestly, I don't spend nearly as much time on the computer as I used to, so hard to say. 

Anyway, so let's see - lower internet bill = Win!

My 11a appointment was with the Ergonomics Consultant at work. I didn't anticipate her seeing all my wall postings - and there are many. Some of them were work-related an pretty hateful. Some of them have some Final Countdown notes and FIRE notes. Stuff no one really knows about me in real life. Awkward. 

I wasn't sure if blurring the background would give her the vantage point she needed to assess my set-up. So yeah, it was a tense 30 minutes. Oh well. I don't know. I'm not quite at the IDC (I don't care) phase yet, but I'm closer than I have been.

So we have - lower internet bill, pretty successful ergo consult, then I went ahead and found a notary for my mortgage adjustment document.

I actually read it, and as I predicted my situation was way more complicated than the girl that originally told me about it. We already know I have weird outcomes. 

Nevertheless, I would owe $2k for the 4 months of no mortgage payments. I don't even have $2k, so I signed it and sent if off. Meh, I won't be around in 2050 anyway. Future MERJ's relatives can deal with it. 

I hope heaven is awesome!

Then I baked cornbread.

Mostly spent the day stewing on an email I may or may not send to Old Boss. 

A coworker shared that after going on a year of trying to get a merit based increase that was waived after a promotion and letting her boss know she was looking elsewhere, her boss finally said the words I wanted to hear my Old Boss say, "I would give you money out of my own pocket if I need to."

So, it is possible. It's like the woman who dates the father of her four kids for 20 years and then he marries his first wife after knowing her for 6 months. True story. 

Like, so it is a thing that people say. It's not wishful thinking. It's just a not a thing people say to me. 

Ouch. 

So then it goes back to my letter. What am I trying to accomplish? 

Here's the latest draft of the letter:

Hello,

Thank you for your patience.  Now that I'm settled in a bit, here is the information you requested about my new role. 

Officially, though not yet reflected accurately in Workday, I was promoted to Associate Director within the Widget Writing group. In this role, I'll be leading widget submissions and submission communication strategy for new widgets.  My team, which includes outsourced suppliers, authors widget-sourced documents in the widget submission process, namely X  Important document, Y Important Document, and Z Important Document. 

My manager's name is Princess Cookies. She was part of an interim arrangement during my transition but is now the Senior Director of Widget Writing, and we are part of Widget Operations.  As I may have mentioned, there is still some minor re-alignment going on so some of these changes are recent. 

As for why this role, this role allows me to transfer my skill set to a new challenge within the company that still touches the lives of patients. Because it is project-based and highly visible, there is both a lot of autonomy and a lot of accountability. Additionally,  the intended audience is a widget authority, so there are exacting standards. 

I know you expressed wanting only business critical interactions moving forward, so I hope this fits the bill. Do let me know if there are any questions. 

There is a version of the letter that also includes this tidbit:

To clear any confusion, I did confirm the start date several times, per your request, and while I did move forward with the Widget Writing group, I declined another team's invitation to interview out of respect for you because it would've meant transitioning during the database transition and you were already down a manager.

I think part of me wants to express the hurt. Part of me really just wants to brag about being an AD. Ha! You didn't think I could do it! And someone else did. Honestly, just writing the email puffed me up a bit. Mind you, I have yet to do these things but I could one day! 

It reminds me of a small population of people who are saying don't say your goals out loud because it tricks your brain into thinking you've already done it! That definitely happened here. I started to see myself as actually having done these things! 

The human brain is amazeballs!

Defeated Me is like - who cares, don't send it. What does it really change? It's not going to make her like you more or come back and give you some big apology for hurting your feelings.

Petty Me is like - who cares - rub it in their face. It'll feel good for at least a moment. You're leaving this Plantation someday soon anyway. Who freaking cares. Do whatever you want!  

Also, I would delete the original fake Teams message and say:

Apologies (was unsure what you were asking), I sent the requested update via email.

I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes!