Wipe Your Tears With Your New Money

As I might have mentioned, I've been virtually commiserating with people who write into and comment on the Ask a A Manager site. Some of the stories are pretty terrible but some are amusing. 

Someone wrote in with a story similar to mine and one of the commenters said to wipe your tears with your new money.

I loved it! 

And just like that I feel good again. Yesterday was really tough. The Devil kept trying to convince me to reach out to this woman. After dodging her once, the second time I felt compelled to answer and I wasn't that pleased with my answer. Part of me does wish I had taken more time to feel 100% with my answer, but part of me is glad I just put something and got it over with. And lest we forget, I didn't engage by asking her a question! Yay, me!

But this week was really tough because Secret Love wanted to open that window a little more, but though I cried and fretted and vacillated, I found other ways to cope.

Yay, me! 

I wrote the letter out here. I wrote the letter out in a notebook. I wrote the letter out in OneNote. I read the letter out. I commiserated online. I did all the things.

This morning I woke up empowered again.

This woman was rejected me personally and professionally, and yet I was willing to compromise my value set because I was so desperate to call anyone a friend. Anyone.

People that hurt you don't get to be your friends. 

The more distance I put between us, the better it will be for me psychologically. At the end of the day, she stopped being a safe space no matter how we started. It's tough now because now instead of the positive highlight reel, Brain is now running the reel of all the slights and hurts. Ouch. It will be another wild ride while this wound exudates and eventually heals. 

My Pretty Woman Moment

Remember that other job I was contemplating. Let's stroll down memory lane. Sometime in early 2019, I was feeling especially hopeful to change my position in life. I was a vendor for a client and applied directly with the Client for a job on their team overseeing us as the vendor. I definitely felt uniquely qualified.

The rejection is what led to a year or so of emotional turmoil and ultimately landed me at Call Center #3.

Fast forward to the present. A similar position has opened up at the Client and I submitted an app. I have the contact information for either the hiring manager or the person filling the role in the interim.

I've been thinking strongly about contacting him just to set up an informal chat as a way in.  I was against it because I don't want to risk my emotional health.

But when I outweigh the benefit to the risk, the taste of that Pretty Woman Moment (i.e. "big mistake") seemed to far outweigh the risk.

It will suck to be rejected. I'll feel like I can never show my face at that Client again. But wait, I wasn't going to. I'm scared it'll get back to Old Boss somehow - shame all over again.  I'm afraid even if I charm the new manager, the old team will still be there and remember they rejected me in the past.

But if I get the role - oh how sweeet the sound. I'll get to be the boss to my old team at Call Center #1 that refused to promote me. Oh, how sweet the sound, indeed!

I wonder if they'd even remember me. 

That being said, I can't believe it's been 2 years! Wow. I feel like I've grown up a lot since then. And I rarely think that. Most of the time I still feel like that scared 7 year old girl that was hiding behind her mother's dress. 

I know one of the people I interviewed with is still there but don't know about the rest. 

I just did an internet search. The one lady I wasn't too jazzed about doesn't seem to be in the same role, so that's good.  I think I just decided to go ahead and send the email.

Two questions - send to the man who might be filling in the role (never met) or the woman (who I have met and may or may not be the hiring manager) or both?  And which email - professional or personal?

Well, you know where my mind will be.

Professional seems more emotionally risky. I don't want anything being forwarded. Personal has less of a connection they can place. 

Today =   cereal and binge watch...

Toodles!