Well my new obsession is these apps. After a month of no bites, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with interest. I mostly just like chats but a lot of the guys are very opposed to being 'text buddies.' I guess this is a thing.
The thing with having a lot of matches across several apps is that the conversations are pretty superficial. I don't mind.
I had the one virtual date with a guy from Bumble.
And I've gone over TWICE to meet a guy from Hinge. I think he was one of the very first to ask me out. No actually, I think grandpa was first and then 40 year old was second. Ugh, can you believe that's my age range now. He's actually 41.
There is definitely this tango with dating apps. You know some part of their profile or initial chat is a lie. It's kind of annoying but admittedly I do it too.
I'm writing this fine Saturday evening because each alert I get I'm hoping it's him. After being ignored and ghosted for a month on the other app, it's fun getting all the attention. But like the silly schoolgirl I am inside, I've focused most of my attention on the 40-Year Old.
He's actually a pretty terrible human. But I stuck around because I know I can't actually get that close to him. Apparently I love emotionally unavailable men. It's a defense mechanism. Shocker. I keep asking him to be nice and sweet to me. He is not. He's just your typical jerkface, but apparently, I'm into that.
Every boundary I try to implement he crosses blithely without a care in the world, and I just let him. Ugh.
We got a little close before I left, and now he's gone silent. Naturally, I'm afraid I contracted something because I'm not vaccinated...amongst other things. You'd think I didn't go to school for this for 4 years. Ugh. I know better but by golly, I am weak. I just scared myself of all the things I could possibly contract. I don't want to even put it in the universe.
Luckily, when reason returned I googled a test kit and saw that Target has one. If I see him again, I'm getting 2 kits for us. I'm obviously weak to his demands so I'm just going to test us vs waiting for him to do something about it.
Maybe he intentionally woo'ed me to get me sick. That's where my brain is right now.
I always fantasize about guys that give me just a little bit of attention that's why I don't really put myself out there. Disney and rom-coms ruined me. I was just looking for a distraction but then my body betrayed me and next thing you know I was driving over an hour to meet a stranger! Dumb body!
Anyway, basically, a guy says hello and I plan our whole life together. This works in academics and the work place when I can think a few steps ahead, but in dating- not so much.
As I said, he's a bit of a jerkface. He's just kind of rude and says things callously. When you're trying to gauge if someone likes you, it feels like rejection. He told me a story about an ex, and I know now it's a pattern.
But that's really all. In my mind, I do lots of things I know I normally wouldn't do for anyone, let alone a stranger, in the hopes that when he decides to like me, he'll want to do compromising things for me to show he cares.
I generally always like people - friends and flings- before they like me. I heard the phrase love-bomb on the internet and it kind of fits here. I think I'm love-bombing him in a way with things I know he enjoys (but I could really not care that much about), so I can show him I care. I know I need to actually verbalize this to him because he really is that clueless.
I don't know. The emotional rollercoaster is a little fun if not devastating. Either way, it's a distraction. Not sure the one I needed if I get sick, but here we are.
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