Tuesday AM Check-In: Big Job Energy

Just got another warning about being at the end of service for Windows 10. Womp, womp. Who knows what to do with computer, but today is not the day for solving life's problems. 

On my schedule, I had Jimmy John's for lunch so when I got tired of lying in bed, I got up and moved downstairs. I checked the mail because there were some debit cards I was waiting for for bank bonuses. I think they are here but I didn't do anything with them yet. This week is not for solving life's problems. 

I turned on Younger because that was on my list of things to watch and headed out. 

I found the Jimmy John's. It was not the one I'd seen yesterday. Next to it was an African cuisine restaurant. Now that's not something you see often. I was intrigued so I went in. I only recognized a couple things on the menu so I just got the #1 special - rice and fish. 

I was excited to eat it, but we all know I don't change course well. So I got Jimmy John's as well.  I went for their Little John but the bread looked a little sad so I just went with a Plain Slim. OMG, that bread is so pillowy soft! Did not disappoint. I was hoping they'd have some day-olds but that plaza looks brand new. It's a good eatery spot because there are a lot of office buildings and medical offices over there. 

But because I was so excited to try my new found cuisine, I dug into that first. It tasted reheated by microwave so everythng was artificially hot. Overally, not super tasty but sometimes you just want rice and fish, so I'll probably go back.

Then I tore off half of my Jimmy Johns sandwich and devoured it. Soooo soft.

Happy. 

I just woke up happy. I don't know! Daydreaming of possibilities. Yeah, you know me by now. I love a good let down. 

I'm just excited at the possibility of getting that other job. It would just be such a sweet victory won. I read the post again and I literally was salivating. The internet said there's no such thing as a dream job and while I certainly don't think this is a dream job for the mere fact that it's a job you can't help but fantasize.

All the narratives in my head just end with this is as a happy ending. I wish I would stop doing this.

I think although I've been putting myself down for staying at Call Center #1 and then subsequently being mad that I left, I forgot to remember that it was reaching a good financial place that allowed me to leave. I knew "office-ing" and "interviewing" were not my jam so job hopping was only made possible by some modicum of financial security. I just want to take some time to acknowledge that. I was okay begging for my job back if I needed to. I was okay financially if I had trouble finding something else.

I didn't account fully for the emotional blowback.

This potential new job is like dating the bad guy. It's probably all wrong but there is some thrill in breaking the rules sometimes. I don't know.

I'm all over the place because I'm trying not to commit to a feeling since it's unclear if my application was overlooked in the hiring process or not seen at all. 

It would just be exciting to get another job in the Call Center at a higher salary and a higher position working with people who perhaps underestimated me...TWICE.

Since I'm already on the I'm Done Working track, this would be just too sweet.

But I think as I did when I left Call Center #1, I'm in a good place. If I get Call Center #4 job, it would just be the sweetest victory. But if I don't, I'm in a pretty good place. 

Like all my secret loves, these people have already rejected me but I'M SO SURE there's just 1 little thing I need to do that will turn it all around. Magical thinking, much. You know you're an overachiever when your idea of YOLO is a big job with more responsibility.

To be fair to myself, I think what I realized when I left Call Center #3 was that I was actually pretty good at that job. The things I didn't like were working with that particular vendor who I just wasn't that impressed with, business review meetings (i.e. death by powerpoint), and working with teammates that didn't do their work or know what they were doing. But I liked the trouble-shooting and problem solving and making processes efficient. I liked that I knew stuff and did stuff. I don't know any other words.

Anyway, that's my current daydream - riding off into the sunset with Big Job at Call Center #4.