Tues, Nov 1, 2022, Back in NC

 I just got home around 11a EST, and it's around 12n. Once I tie up some quick errands, I want to get 2 McDs hamburgers, a soda, some fries and watch some good ole fashioned TV.

My life is simpler here.

I cried a bunch yesterday in the apartment alone. And some tears escaped on the transit. Some are threatening to fall right now.

I don't even know what I'm sad about now.

It's the holidays, so I'm determined to be happy.

I broke the news to Sean that I'm back in NC and didn't renew my lease. I can't tell if he's annoyed but he's stopped responding. Oh, well. I probably could've kept the cat in the bag for awhile, but there was a slight opening when he was like... I'm distracting you from work. 

Still wish I had walked away with a tight community and a boyfriend. 

I guess these things take time.

I was unsure if coming back was the "right choice" since technically my project got cancelled and that was one of the main reasons I was coming back. If my new project is just a copy and paste, it probably would've been manageable from Seattle. I don't know anymore.

I know there wasn't a destiny I missed so that's reassuring. It's harder to pray these days- even my quick thank-you prayer. It's harder to pray and ask for help because I don't want to want anything. It's harder to pray and even be thankful because I'm not. 

It's hard not to slip back into old routines now that I'm back in Death House.

My office view is now a row of townhomes. They look so big this close up. 

I'm grateful my house is still standing. No signs of any rodents. And my car is still here! And I started it without issue! Yay! Oh and also, payroll fixed my tax withholding issue and credited me back some funds!!

It's like I stepped out of a storybook and am back to real life.

I have some money errands I have to do but can't formulate a plan right now. I hope tomorrow is an easy day at work so I can get some personal errands done. 

Maybe life is easier when I can be as forthcoming as possible. I mean, I'm starting my personal history off in 2022, but at least that's something.

I don't feel quite as devastated as I could feel being back. But it's only been an hour.