Sun, Nov 20, 2022, $800 worth of new clothes?

 Don't be fooled, I only plan to spend about $250. But I was a true American and ordered a few items in multiple colors and sizes with a plan to return the ones I don't use. I did not account for the fact that they're not supposed to arrive until Monday of next week! Two days before I plan to fly out!

I haven't purchased my braiding hair yet, but I probably should. That is less returnable, so I don't know. 

I know I can get my work done in the next 10 days but I'm hoping I can put this trip planning aside and get the bulk of it done in the next 3 days. Then I can resume trip planning.

This is why I don't like trip planning and have been booking my last several trips at the last minute. After awhile, it just gets to be too much. It's a lot of thinking and planning and then I start to wonder if it's even worth it.

I think that's what I mean by, is it the right decision. I ask this question all the time, but no one ever answers. Unfortunately, I don't have any frugal accountability partners, so I've just been spending without a care in the world. 

The old lady meetup group was going ziplining today. At first I was relishing in the fact that I just didn't want to go. When I checked in with Future Regret, I took a closer look at the event details and realized it was like $60 and it wasn't super warm outside. I was okay with my decision not to go. 

I'm 100% going back to Seattle to chase boys. If there weren't even a whisper of seeing Sean again, I would not feel so inclined to go. I mostly am going for one moment. I want to wear the hair style he said he liked and show up in a cute outfit (with makeup I still need to learn to do) at a board game event and just see what happens.

Fantasy Brain taking over again.

I just want the moment. 

Getting my hair done is actually the hardest of the things. It's a lot of coordinating. It's 3 different steps. Order the hair, get hair washed, and find someone to braid my hair.

Then trying to convince myself to be active in winter. It's easy to wish I had stayed because it's been sunny and nice here. And let's face it, even with mostly sunny, mild weather, I've preferred to just stay in the house the last week or so. 

I tried rationalizing that I'll be okay even if I do sit in the house in Seattle, I'll still have my TV shows I want to watch. But I don't know.

Eve is probably going to be on break for half of December, so there goes half of my entertainment. Lots of people with families to go to are probably going to be gone. I did find a couple activities I would be interested in doing in Seattle, but .... I don't know.

I think it's just hard not to want to capitalize on this free time. I know in early retirement, I'll have loads of free time, but I won't have cash flow. And there's just something delightful about taking advantage of remote work and living this version of early/ pre-early retirement. Where when I see a break in workflow, I go on an adventure!

Maybe it doesn't need to be anything more than that.

I've been fascinated by the shows Summer House and Winter House. Sure I'm not a reality star, but I do like the idea of a getaway (even if I don't have a house full of friends). 

Part of me is afraid of doing too much of a good thing.

But the other part of me is quite aware of how unlikely it is I'll want to do this in my 40s. But who knows.

It's just hard to know what to choose...especially when there's no metric. #morefun?

I can't believe at 38, I'm still chasing boys much the same way I did at 7 or 8 or 17 or 18. 

Okay, let's brainstorm, what will make it a bad trip:

- Sit in the house all day

- Bad weather, where I'm eating junk and feeling horribly physically

- Never cook or eat anything yummy

- Don't go out or hang out with anyone

- And see Sean and something horrible happens (ie, he sees me but nothing is rekindled)

- The weather is depressing and I just sit around doing what I do here; I'm unmotivated to do any work I need to do; don't wear any of my cute outfits; 

- I don't get asked out on any dates and I spiral into depth of despair

- There are no cool events to attend or there are and I'm not motivated to attend

- I'm othered at the events I am looking forward to attending

- I have such a bad time, I don't want to go back next summer, thereby ruining plans for My Perfect Year