Thurs, Nov 17, 2022, A $2k deposit on my lease...on life

 Hey, friends!

I've been waiting to use that catchy title all day! I put a $2k deposit down on my new lease...on life. Yes, friends. We had a small opening to change our FSA amounts for next year. Originally, I did a cautious $240 in case I wanted 6 sessions of counseling...was thinking every other month for the whole year...or something similar. I was cautious about putting more because the first year I tried an FSA, we went into lockdown and ended up scrambling to use it. I think it was only around $120. 

This year at open enrollment I had no life plans for 2023 because I was still without a plan. The year is at an end, and I'm still figuring things out but the Lease on Life seems to be a good idea at the moment.

Since the objective is to live another year, I decided to spend the $40/week counseling co-pay x 52 weeks = ~$2k. I have to sign up by tomorrow. So I did!

I was trepidatious. But then I thought, what exactly am I afraid of. Either not using it... obviously because my life would automatically be so great I wouldn't need counseling!

But probably because the thought of the increase started with me thinking of just slowing down with therapy and doubling up for the 5 months I'm in Seattle (because of dating, etc). So I thought, well if I don't do that, I won't need therapy. 

But even if I don't end up going, it would be nice to have the anchor. It's been nice knowing I'll talk to someone for a week. So yeah, I bought a friend. Better than being scammed into one like the old ladies on American Greed- so in need of someone to talk to that they talk to scammers just because they call them regularly. 

Anyway, after not being able to easily find a downside, I just CALLED and upped the balance. 

I'm in a normal mood because I actually did work today. Even that (work) made me not want to get out of bed, but once I started I found a groove. When I started to feel the whispers of overwhelm, I told myself I only had to work till 1p. And that made it all better. 

So much so that I probably finished about an hour ago, but decided to just find different tasks to streamline for the next day. Yay, me!

So yeah, so maybe in dream life... I work 9a to 1p and have the rest of the day to myself. That's essentially what happened a lot of the time in Seattle anyway, except I'd have to wake up at 6a(PST) to log-in. 

Maybe my future techie boyfriend can write me a program to log me in at 9a EST everyday. Winner!

I've been regretting a bit not pivoting on the last couple of trips to Seattle. I do wish I'd stayed or though more about staying. It was definitely easier to leave, but I could have made staying work. If I had looked at my schedule, I would've realized, I had a low workload for pretty much 3 weeks and travel points. 

I think I was also scared of blowing it with Sean, and I ended up doing that anyway.

I'm a little scared about next year. Other than fearing something bad will happen externally, planning too far in advance puts a lot of pressure on me to manufacture an outcome. I'm an overprocessor in that regard. Just by planning it, I feel like I experience all the possible emotions so far in advance so that by the time the event comes, I'm either over it or exhausted from thinking about it.

So at some point, I just want to make the plan and then just live it. In other words, not think about it anymore, and actually just live it. 

I'm trying not to think about 2024, but I don't think returning to Seattle makes as much sense. I'm just so much older than everyone I met there. I'll be in my 40s you know. 

As for the rest of the year, I'm hoping to be able to knock out the next 2 projects relatively easily. I hope I can keep the holidays that my predecessor had scheduled so I can stop thinking about work mid December. 

And I'm hopeful for a light workload next year (2023). I really am!

Something in me tells me that next year will be my BEST year yet! It has to be!