Sat, Nov 5, 2022, I love to daydream

 Currently, I'm day dreaming about going to Seattle on Tuesday. It's cold and wintery and grey and dark. But when I reread a portion of The Book, it was saying you need to be available and joyously receptive. I'm not available to Sean halfway across the country. Well, all the way across the country.

He did say come back sooner than later. But I don't know if going there is me chasing him or not. I don't know if it's going to make the situation better or worse.

I'm planning next year with no contingency plans, but what about the next 2 months. 

I ended up going to Happy Hour yesterday with the old ladies and there was an Old Navy nearby. I found some cute outfits for a NC winter, but I worry it won't be warm enough for a Seattle winter. It's still in the high 70s here.

I think what gets me is that yes, this is a nice reprieve and if it weren't for Sean I wouldn't even be contemplating returning to cold, grey, Seattle. That and the fact when I actually look at my project schedule, there's only about 2 weeks worth of work for the rest of the year. So that's a lot of downtime. No complaints, just would rather be with my white boyfriend (she laughs). 

This would be easier if we were still in communication, but he dropped me like a hot potato. 

So in the fairy tale, I go back and rekindle but as I re-read his messages, it just seems like it's harder to do than I thought. 

The risk is too great and I'd be stuck in Seattle - cold and alone.

I'm alone here but at least I'm warm.

I tried to pray - God, if things will work out between Sean and me if I go to Seattle on Tuesday, please let him text me today (Saturday).

And for safe measure - God, if you can hear my prayer, let me receive a message (text, call, email) from any friend today. 

I always believe God will answer my prayer, so I immediately checked my email. Nothing! 

The alternative is just staying around here the rest of the year and planning next year. The outfits at Old Navy were really cute but I don't trust myself enough to buy new clothes for next spring/fall. 

They would be good Seattle spring/fall outfits though. But we shall see because I don't technically have anywhere to store them.

In the winter fantasy, I'd shoot for 10 outfits and a budget of $500. I want to get my hair redone. Maybe even nails? Nah, no nails for winter. I'm not an animal. Maybe some lashes and some gold makeup.