Mon, Nov 7, 2022, Just another F-Boy

 FTG! 

Oh well, so I tried my prayer again. Sean (nor Dan) did not message me yesterday. And I got a message from Amy. So, if God is listening, that means things won't work out with Sean if I go to Seattle for Nov/Dec.

It sucks and part of me wants to go anyway. What does God know anyway! Is he even listening.

Would I really even move to Seattle if I had all the money in the world?

I think I would go crazy with nothing to do waiting on a boy though. I can barely stand it now. I almost can't win the lottery.

I would be just as unhappy with my circumstance because my problem right now isn't money based.

It took about a week, but I'm finally getting re-acclimated to life back in NC. I've gorged on all things sugary and salty and am on the verge of sick. Oh well. 

I'm actually not opposed to going to Thanksgiving with my family in Maryland.

The only thing I wish now that I have future information is that I'd stayed an extra two weeks in Seattle. I could have bowled, gone to trivia, and walked with Eve. I would've had more time with Sean.

But there's also the possibility we would've gone all the way because my resistance was weakening. Then that would've sucked if he still would've dropped me. 

I finally had the wherewithal to look at tickets via miles, and I would've been able to manage it and get my leftover return ticket refunded.

I could've had 1 week free and paid for an extra week. Sean would've been gone next week so it would make sense to make an exit then.

I wish there were a way I could find some quiet time and sit with my thoughts. Make a game plan. Solve my problems. But I just can't seem to find a way.

Frankly, I'm also tired of solving problems.

What if I won the Powerball tonight? 

2 billion dollars would be such a fun amount of money to have. I'm curious if it would make me want to live longer. Honestly, I doubt it.

I'd be okay with $2 million. That's the lowest I'll settle for. #breadcrumblife But I think that's only because right now, I'm still fantasizing about a love-life in Seattle.

I tried to write out what my life would look like with a husband (yep, rounded up to a husband), and I think what I got out of it was that I want a husband. I'll settle for a partner, but I want a husband. If not partner, then a long-term relationship. If not a long-term relationship, then a fling.

The book says essentially, accept or reject the offer.