Mon, Nov 21, 2022, Retail therapy

 I'm not sure what this "Amazon recruiter" is on... if it's a scam, he's not doing a good job of selling it. Something's off but I'm not quite sure what. Right now, he's trying to submit me for a project manager that works on site. Eek, not really what I was looking for. It's only 3 months, so who knows.

Since I'm not spending $5k on a winter getaway, decided to blow a bunch of money on some make-up. Because of shipping and different sale prices, ended up ordering from three different places. At some point, I'm going to have to put gas in my car and drive to all these places.

I'm thinking of putting the futon back closer to the window so I can feel the sun on my face. 

I washed 3 makeup brushes today that I forget I even had.

One of my Dollar Store shadows might actually work well for a blush. But I bought the palette I saw on the YouTube video anyway.

I kind of decided to stay but we'll see. 

I just would rather plan for My Perfect Year next year than have a little bit of fun this winter.

It'll be good too once my manager gives me an idea of what my project schedule will be like next year. 

I think the beauty of this potential Winter 2022 vacation was that it capitalized on my free time, something I've been leaning into. Why not, have fun elsewhere.

I'm not sure which loose goal to follow right now- stay in NC for the sunnier weather even if temperature wise they're similar; practice temperament (finally) for 2022 and just enjoy my life in NC for the rest of the year, ie, take a break from dating and chasing boys; or YOLO and just enjoy the holidays in a cool spot and my light workload.

But I think since I'd had it in my mind this whole time of spending Nov and Dec in NC, it's easier to stay.

Honestly even the thought of spending 2 to 4 weeks in Maryland with my aunts feels dreadful, and I'm not sure why. But I'm leaving it open in case I start to get the single scaries come mid December.

So that's where I am.

I'm like 90% staying but still day dream about going.

Side note: I turned my cell phone on today because I was hungry and McDs was the easier choice. It filled me with a surprising amount of anxiety. I just felt the need to check all the apps. So I think I may just need to limit cell phone time to when I'm in Seattle. This is why I didn't want a phone. I know myself. 

So maybe this Nov-Dec is a good reset and recharge. #theSimpleLife.

But I also can't help but feel like I'm running out of time. I don't really need to reset and recharge when faced with an unknown amount of years of early retired old person life. 

Maybe I want to run out of battery. I don't see myself chasing boys and being super active after I cross 40. But, My Brain Says, remember how old you felt when you moved to NC. I was all of 27 and was a bit embarrassed going back to school. Wow, to be 27 again! 

Twenty seven is the perfect age to be in Seattle. Well 27 and gainfully employed for 2 years, that is. 

A long term that includes Seattle really depends on how I want to craft life after 40. 

Maybe I'll just turn 30 again... wouldn't that be fun. 

Wouldn't that be funny. Nothing memorable happened between 17 and 27 anyway. I'm not in touch with any of those people. Other than the giant lie, maybe I could start my life over again. 

Here's the thing... I didn't see my 40s as my ascent... I was thinking of it as a descent, I want to coast. But I never really reached any sort of peak.