Earlier today when I was feeling particularly wistful, I wrote a love letter to myself. I promised her that her love was coming because why would she of all people be denied the very thing we were created to do! Impossible. If a red tailed baboon and an eel can partner and find mates, then who is she to be denied it.
I promised her that the effort she has put into seeking will be returned to her because why wouldn't it! It's not a matter of effort, it's a promise made to her when she was born. Conceived, even. The God she serves does not break promises right?
Love is her destiny. It's not something she has to hope and pray for. She need not cry any more tears or feel any inkling of inadequacy. It's just not important. Those negative feelings are the stuff of fairy dreams. Love is not a dream. It's a life outcome.
It's not for the lucky and it's not for the few. It's not for the "classically beautiful" (whatever that means) or the x or the y or the z. It's for everyone! It's not for the chosen people.
And the love she desires is coming.
It's not even about timing or circumstance.
It will not be even 0.5% less than the love she deserves. More than deserves.
It won't be a fat bellied man who beats her or assaults her or makes her anxious for his affection or leaves her wanting; it will not be a vicious, conservative military man who makes her beg for his attention and confuses her with inconsistent action or words; it will not be a divorced dad of many kids who is trying her out because the last one didn't work. It will not be a man 20 years her senior.
Her love will be worth the wait or else why was she waiting.
It took him a little while to find her because she was hiding. She was hiding from herself, from the world. She had left only a little room in her heart for him that even she couldn't find it. But this love, my dear, is bigger than that. It needed a heart big enough to contain it.
This love will not be complicated. That's the stuff of dramas and tragedies.
This love, dear girl, will be cool and refreshing, simple and sweet like the frozen strawberry custard cone of adolescence.
The only wonder you will have with this love is that you ever doubted its existence and it finding you.
A Dating Roadblock disguised as Speed Dating
My dental hygienist recommended something called The Love Potluck. It's actually for adventists but I decided to give it a try. She said she went to one and met a few people that she was still communicating with. I didn't buy my ticket until 1 hour before the event because strangely earlier today and a little before my priorities have shifted away from this maddening dash to an arbitrary finish line of dating. (Honestly, I myself am baffled that 3 months later we're still talking about this!)
I hemmed and hawed and after watching the video of the first marriage and always a sucker for a good love story, I bought the ticket.
The event started at 7p. I even put on a shirt for this. Nine guys signed up and 30 women. No surprises there. Affirmed for myself that I made a good choice not signing up for other virtual speed dating events I'd seen on Meetup that had even fewer attendees.
I thought at least I'll get to talk to some internet weirdos. Nope, apparently you can choose who you want to match with and with no matches apparently, the event ended for me. Fourteen dollars to be rejected. I love it. This time there was no picture so I know it's not because of my looks. It might have been my age.
Old MERJ would have sworn off dating and been down in the dumps, but I know My Love is coming and I won't have to jump through hoops to find him. The internet has been down and I didn't have much else to do today.
There's another event at 8p, so we'll see how that goes since I already have a shirt on. At least if there are no people signed up I'll know right away. And it was free.
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