FTG!

 I just wanted to document my new favorite phrase. The named villain on The Bachelor upon being rejected after causing chaos immediately said, "F that guy!"  I've watched more than a few episodes of The Bachelor and the rejected women either cry, act confused or try to convince him to change his mind. Some behave badly but this woman was my she-ro in that moment. 

I'm paying more attention to how other people handless distress to help improve my distress tolerance. That one was golden! 

I feel like the verbal assault was appropriate. To me it immediately distances yourself from the situation; it calls it out, and it rejects it. She takes herself out of it and makes him the bad guy. She re-establishes her control of the situation. It's perfect. She's not a victim, she attacks the situation and doesn't blame herself or the guy. I feel like an F-U, is more of a personal attack. But just using 'that guy' just kind of anonymizes the situation... that guy is basically any guy or further, any situation. 

Kinda like a revised 'boy,bye!' Anyway, I love it!

I'd been struggling with two people in my life who like to call out negative things- like literally make a point to call it out after the fact, like remind me to tell you about this time you were wrong, or this time someone said something bad about you and let me beat you over the head with it; or let me cut you off and keep talking about my thing over and over; oh you're not responding?! are you listening to me... but I won't give you the same attention when you're in distress. So it became a power struggle. 

That was the wrong response, MERJ. I tried to give them a taste of their own medicine and wouldn't you know - they didn't like it. But it didn't change their behavior.  

So I'll just keep taking the good parts of people that I like and leave other people's bad behavior for themselves. There's no culminating event at the end of life for who stands up for themself the most! or who speaks up the most! or who doesn't get walked on the most! or who gets heard the most! or who is the most right!

I thinks this grey weather just confuses me. It affects my mood. But hey, I got baby step #1 done of my project. Whoo! I missed the window for a biscuit.

Other

Um, I tried to make chicken strips and 3 out of 4 times when I freeze and defrost chicken I get weird results. This was one of those times. It's like rubbery or tough or something. I think whatever fake food they are passing off as chicken just doesn't like to be frozen. I'm going to try to bake it and see if that helps. 

I feel free again having released myself from trying to passively correct these 2 colleagues' behavior.  Can't wait to see the long term effects on my psyche!!

I went to volunteer yesterday. I couldn't figure out what decision tree to use since it was in the evening (and I prefer day time) and the day was kind of gloomy (but ultimately didn't rain). Meh, I felt nothing. 

I think I decided to go because I want to establish a routine of Wed and Sunday outings or at the very least twice weekly around those days. So that's done.

I talked to a girl and wished I had gotten her number but the way we exited didn't lend itself to that. 

Do I believe in jinxing things? 

I'm not sure how much air time to give love interests on the app. Here's the thing, distracting yourself with another guy doesn't really make the old crush feeling go away, does it. I remember I started something with another guy because the one I really wanted rejected me. The person of interest married someone else and I still was with a guy I didn't like that much. It didn't make that old rejection hurt any less. And it certainly didn't make the person of interest more interested in me. I guess it distracted me from negative thoughts. So there's that. 

If life is the goal, then yes it accomplished that goal. 

Since the blogger at I Pick Up Pennies talks about her app dates, I might continue to do it too.

I think I don't want to look back on these old posts and remember things I tried to forget.

Oh well, new love interest is in DC. Actually thinking about writing about him is making me like him more. Oh, Silly Brain, how easily you are confused. Feelings.

Well if I were to romanticize him, he's obviously going to be my next husband.

So far what I like about him are:

- He thinks I'm cute and has said so a couple times (but somehow not in a cringey way)

- He was out with friends and still responded to my texts!

- He did a missions trips after high school! (Wow!)

- He sounds normal

Concerns

- I'm already starting to get anxious of figuring out the right amount to text him (ugh)

- It's stressing me out a bit, navigating the initial stages

- It's starting to feel high stakes and I don't even like him like that yet

(Oh, wait! Let me check my spreadsheet!)

- Is he hiding something - he seems a bit talkative; for some reason, I wonder if he's a recovering addict; has he given up on faith, why would he mention it if he had

- It kind of seemed like we were petering out, so I'm not sure what the revived interest in me is about

- I got scared to enforce my rules of 2 calls and a video chat before moving off app (it's so much easier with boys I don't like that much; but in the end I did; it works, I just need to stick to it.)

Sigh, it's raining so pretty safe to say no baseball tonight. What shall I eat to enjoy this beautiful day.