Feelings and Friday

 It's Friday! The sun is out and those grey skies are gone! I really, really want to work on my document today. But I also want donuts.

My gut is unhappy with something I've eaten. I think it was that weird chicken. 

But today I feel good. Wow I didn't even self-flagellate with checking my balances today. 

I woke up around 4a but quickly fell back to sleep and didn't wake up until almost 9a! So staying up late is working. And I even went to softball practice yesterday!

Go, me!

I was reminded that my volunteer hours are my tithe for the year! So, just to recap, I'm supposed to do about 150-200 hours each year to match the equivalent of 10% of my net-gross salary, respectively.  This is about 16 hours a month or 2 days a month. Broken down like that, it is manageable. 

I can't believe I'd forgotten.

So yeah, maybe I should have driven 100 miles to volunteer a few weekends ago, I could've knocked out a whole day. 

So there are some volunteer hours available next week but I really need to buckle down and work on my document if I haven't done it this week. 

Now to my favorite part of my brain, ruminating on all the boys I've loved (shout out to the Netflix movie of the same title!).

New Love interest is interesting. He has the voice of a more handsome man. It's normal, it's what I thought dating would be like, even though it's been less than a week. 

I think I matched him at a low point and made contact again at another low point. But meh. Mean Brain reminded me of all the boys I liked in the past who I would reach out to when another boy showed interest to make sure I wasn't missing out. In this scenario he feels like "another boy."

When this comes crashing down, I'll tell you all the bad things that are now fuzzy. 

If were to over-romanticize our brief interlude in the spirit of living in the moment and enjoying the fantasy, I would say the following..

He's the first person I've imagined having kids with. There were moments in my daydream where I wanted to say things like 'our kids would..' So not even that I want to bear children, but like he's giving off father-figure vibes. 

Mind you, we haven't even met or done a video- chat, so please indulge me. This girl needs a virtual win!

I like his voice. I like his interest in me. I like that he did a missions trip (mostly this!!). I'm not anxious in a bad way, at least not yet.

No, just enjoy it MER, no qualifiers!

I'm going to say it- I hope it works out!

Counting all the chickens! What slings and arrows will the Devil throw at me now!

Maybe that's what jinxing is all about; it's not about witches or counting chickens; if you vocalize things, the Devil hears you and knows how badly you want it; maybe he can't read our hearts and minds like God can, but when we publicize our desires, he ensnares them in his traps. 

So maybe I'll keep these thoughts in my heart where they will remain safe.

In other news, I do still think about some of the old Hinge guys.

Let's talk about bad stuff since the Devil likes to see me suffer.

I think Japple was maybe Dude 2 of 2 that I've ever been physically attracted to in that way. Like take my clothes off, physically attracted to. His eyes, words, and just physical presence, even virtually, really got my motor running. 

I think Dapple was just an effigy of every white bro I've ever had a crush on. FTG!

I was trying to remember where I last landed on calling this my second place life, but I can't remember. 

Sorry, gotta go to this meeting!