You may not know this but in my younger days, all my crushes ended with me stalking them. This was before Google was a thing and before Facebook and other social media. It was good old-fashioned word of mouth.
When I like someone, I just want to throw everything at them. You must like me.
Today I was filled with deep deep desire to book a ticket to Seattle and get a room and go on a date. Then oh yeah, no one has even asked me out on a date.
So now I'm going to ask Dapple out.
This is a part of my process. I need to be rejected so badly it stings and I can't come back from it.
I did it with the last boy I liked. I did it with the boy before that and the one before that.
This leaves too much room for interpretation and hope.
On Friday, I begin my new life as MERJ 2.0 or at least the beginning stages. The apps have been unkind to me. More harm than good. Maybe I'll try again in April. I'll try my best to stick around for 3 months. At the very least, I at least hope to not delete my profile until end of May. If anything, I can keep it to Hidden. I think restarting messes up my spot in the algorithm.
I might have some fun as Catfish Katie for a few days. She has way more dates and fun than I do.
So yeah, I'm not defeated, just tapped out.
Gotta get my jollies somewhere. I'm sorry, Dapple, for the stress and anxiety this is going to cause you.
45 minutes later....
I can tell you unequivocably that he has blocked me. So, it's confirmed he's not secretly in love with me. Ouch! He's not going to show up at my volunteer event next Saturday and profess his undying love for me. We're not going to rendezvous 3 months to 1 year from now. Wow. That happened.
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