Mini Check-In

 I don't know who decided that I just needed to be sad and defeated. I don't know who decided I needed to fall in love all of a sudden. I don't know who decided that if your dreams don't come true, life is no longer worth living. I don't know who decided we were made to chase dreams in the first place.

Who makes these decisions? Who upturns our world, so?

I don't know who decided I couldn't just be.

Feelings just are.

MERJ just is.

No good, no bad.

I just am.

Money stuff - Do I Keep Saving?

Can we please celebrate the money stuff! This long-term goal has been accomplished. Do you remember 2018? Do you remember walking out of a Moe's because you didn't want to spend the $12 for a burrito bowl because it just felt that much further away from your goal? Do you remember being stingy to family members. You'd probably have a better car by now. Does it even matter? Life just is. 

Sometimes you get what you deserve, sometimes you don't. Sometimes, life make sense. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes things come back around, sometimes they don't. We're all so apt to believe that you can't time the market and just stick with your investing plan. Know your risk tolerance, be conservative, be risky. Invest in real estate. No, index funds. Crypto! Set it and forget it. Diversify! Self-manage. Optimize. Pay someone to manage because you don't know better. 

I know there is a love-investment plan out there for me, but I just haven't found it yet. 

I unofficially reached my FIRE number 4 years ahead of schedule. Can we celebrate that for a moment.  Unofficially of course because I have yet to see that number on my balance sheet. But the aggressive saving part of my early retirement journey part is done. I'm hopeful with all the markets twists and turns that I have enough invested that I'll see that number sometime this year (2022). 

Here's where we landed last.

For the two paychecks in March, I'll keep contributing 50% pre-tax. Forgot about the 3rd bonus check, which will be at 6%. So I'll max out pre-tax even sooner.

Then from Apr to December:

- $1250/pp - for everyday expenses (for a target annual spend of $30k or less)

- $250/pp - to top up year 1 cash

That leaves the rest which is about $1900/pp. Do I keep saving? 

Admittedly, this is a good problem to have. I wasn't sure what to do. With the current down market, I obviously want to be a part of that. I could save as cash, invest in a taxable account, or invest in my after-tax 401k. 

The easiest choice is to choose the after-tax. It's tax advantaged so that'll save on taxes this year. Right now, that's the default because I haven't really explored what my life looks like with more cash flow.

There is a part of me that thinks I should probably have a healthier savings because I don't even want to look at FIRE money as part of my everyday pot.  So I think that's why instead of doing say the 36% I estimate to have available for after tax, I might loosen up and do something like 30%.

I'm leaving room for a little leak and reassess as I go along.  My overseas family tends to need big sums periodically.

I've also thought about giving more to them. Thinking somewhere between 6-9k/year. We'll see. 

Volunteering

I forgot to remember that I live about 90 miles from my old neighborhood. I'm still signing up for stuff there like it's local. I just cancelled the volunteer event I was going to help out with next Saturday. I checked the distance and it was 100 miles. What the heck! 

I think part of me is toying with the idea of moving back there. Can I afford it? What will it do to my time horizon?

Even beauty can grow out of manure. I'm here now, there's got to be something here other than reaching my FIRE goal faster. 

Dating

How did I get here. I got confused somewhere along the way. I had all this free time and I finally had space to think - not work or worry about money and I landed here. I seem to think happiness is only tangible if it's witnessed.  I just watched Meskina and maybe this princess doesn't need a prince. I seem to make life choices depending on the latest show I watch, so maybe that's my theme for awhile. 

I think since I stumbled upon FIRE a little late in the game, I'm afraid that that there's some cheat code to love and I won't find it until it's too late.

I've tried prayer. I've tried dating apps. I've tried doing what my friends do. I've tried to be different versions of myself. I went on a few blind dates. Those actually worked the best for me. All two of them. 

Where's the book on the Simple Path to Love? 

I think the only goal or plan left for me is not to delete Hinge for 3 months. I give myself permission to fully hide my profile though. 

The thought I recently had was when did it become such high stakes. One wrong word or text or action, and you lose the prince forever? That's a lot of pressure. What they said in Meskina that I'd never considered was... the princess that gave up her voice to get the prince (I'm looking at you, Ariel) or that could only be awakened by a kiss. 

But I'm fully awake and I have a voice. So does that mean there's no prince for me? When will my story be written? Will it find me? Or do I look for it?

Other

This morning I woke up all set to delete Facebook and the apps and just return to my normal life. Then I checked Hinge and realized I wasn't blocked after all. So then I got confused. I went to McDonald's instead and got a biscuit and an Egg McMuffin. There was  a homeless man on the way home. I should have shared one of my sandwiches, but I didn't. One day, soon. Then I thought, this just might be my life. Why don't I just enjoy this instead of trying so hard to be unhappy.  It's like Snow Day + Ground Hog Day in one.

This is my life now. It just is. I can't skip to the end because I don't like the beginning. I can't fast forward to the next chapter because I want to see what's next. I just can't. I've tried.