If you change the way you look at things

 When I was watching the many seasons of Relative Race, I heard a quote for the first time - if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. 

Turns out this week is going to be hard as well.

Woke up frustrated and anxious.

I checked email - obviously nothing. 

What was I hoping for - an email to make sense of all these feelings? An email to say I wasn't forgotten. That I was appreciated. That I will be missed. That she's not harboring resentment that I'm leaving. An email that says I was wrong - these weird vibes were all in my head. An email of cheerful greeting and camaraderie from my immediate team. Instead of these cool greetings. 

I'm still hoping I'll get some kind of text or call or message from Old Boss.

I'm just mad that I got duped. I thought we were friends. 

For whatever reason, whoever it was that removed me from the Box folder has really stuck a dagger in my heart. Why? Why'd you do it? Who did it? 

And remember those dumb reports that my co-Manager never ran. Well someone else is running them now. Luck? Or did my manager take yet another thing off her plate. 

I feel like a woman scorned.

I need some plans for all this free time or this sorrowfulness is bound to continue.

At least when fall comes I'll be able to sleep longer. 

Took a short walk to the end of the street. Didn't really help. I actual have personal errands I could do but I just don't want to. 

8p, The Break Up

 So, I made it through the day without too much scathing. It really feels like a weird breakup. I was definitely emotional the last 2 weeks and I still tear up thinking about missing my boss.

But then I'm also hardened that it was also weird. I definitely got some weird vibes from her mixed in with some good vibes, but I would say overall weird vibes. Given that, I don't expect to hear from her... probably ever. Which is hard to think about.

It is not at all what I imagined. 

It just makes me want a friend again all the more. Oh well.

I hope to have self-soothing "on lock" by the end of this year.

I'm bored of reading FIRE blogs. 

Nothing is really holding my attention.

I can't figure out new job - is it hard? is it manageable? is it just as chaotic?

I wanted to be more excited but I think I will probably spend alot of time figuring out why my last week or two was so weird. 

Is she just anxious. Did she hear me talking about her? 

I want to be happy with my life. Well, obviously not happy, that's never my goal, but I want to stop trying to expand these slivers of hope into anything more than a flash in the pan. 

Mental Plan for moving forward.

August - Orient self to new job. No big plans. Just adjust and observe. Allow some grace.

Things that are good:

starting new job

starting new job in aug/sep time frame - I like that it mirrors the old school calendar

fall is such a good time to start new things

starting new job in the fall makes the year go faster cuz soon it will be the holidays

so as long as i can calm down in august, the fall season should be nice 

old boss on vacation next week - i won't have to worry so much about interacting


things that still sting/hurt:

i was removed from shared box folder (ouch); mind you i've been surreptiously removing myself from distribution lists and teams chats but i feel like those were related to work; when "they" do it, it feels like a jab somehow; i'm just trying to figure out who even thought to do that because all the other people that have left... i've been the only one to remove them; feels petty and i can't figure out the reason

You'll be sad to know that i broke down, sent 3 more emails to my boss that were pseudo-work related. When I realized I lost Box access for a report, I pointed it out and she said I got it from here. It all just feels weird.

At 4p she finally sends an email to the larger team that I'm leaving. It's just all weird. 

I finally met with the Love of Her Life. I actually think that worked out in the end because it should have left a sweeter taste in her mouth. Oh well.

As much as I want to believe we'll stay friends, IDK. I hate that I'll probably have to leave the ball in her court. 

This is almost worse than the weak bonus score. I stayed for the personal relationship. Wow. 

Of course, like a dummy, I'm checking iPad.. maybe she texted me? Yeah right. 

I feel 12 again. Hoping a boy calls me or responds to IM messages. Or whatever bigger gesture I did because the last big gesture didn't garner the response I wanted.

And just like that 20 years of life experience is lost. 

One day at a time.

I ate 4 full sized cookies today, so now I feel weird. A little too sugared up but also lethargic.

Yo! I got through today. I did it. 

Last Day, 9a

Yesterday was a gossip filled day. And it brought me a lot of joy! eeeeeeeeeeee!

I miss having my people. You know the ones who just go along with you for funsies. I benefit from having a person. I don't necessarily want to fall in love anymore, I just want a person.

I am 100% disappointed I didn't get the warm fuzzy good bye envisioned. My Boss Meant a lot to me and it's really confusing to know whether or not I meant as much to her.

Except for the cool birthday present, I don't think I did. 

A part of me is still hoping I'll get asked back in 6 months, but honestly just within the last 2 days they've transitioned quite well without me. That sucks. 

The more distance I try to put between us mentally, the more I want to go back.

Having nothing to do today certainly isn't helping, but I'm 100% glad I took the day off. I haven't made too many good decisions lately, it seems, but this one was 100% the right one! 

I am feeling a little bad about not taking the meeting with my manager's Favorite Friend, i.e. Prince Charming, but I think it's less about helping them and more me feeling cancelled. 

I was hoping I was misremembering the interaction with my immediate team, but nope, their response to my moving on was underwhelming compared to what I've seen them do for others. 

She was right not to increase my salary if my other teammates are truly more valuable.

It's just facing the hard truth, it's hard.

I hate unfinished business. I need data to inform future decisions and when it's unclear I might make wrong conclusion and misinform future decisions.

Current goal is to respond to any last emails after 5p, but I'm still checking like every 5 minutes. 

So there might be a lot of posts today. 

Cold Shoulder

 So it's happened. I had my last meeting with My Manager. It did not go at all as planned. I thought it was going to be all warm fuzzies, like a true sendoff. It was not. 

I started with how much I miss her and she countered with are there any business critical events. Ouch!

And that was pretty much it. 15 minutes and no love lost.

I literally shed some hot tears. It makes me cry just thinking about it. 

I'm both furious and justified.

I'm not sure why she's so mad, and I hate that I'll never know. 

Maybe it's because I declined the meeting with her favorite friend. Well, in that case- justified. If I have to hear about him or My Buddy and how wonderful he is one more time, I'll vomit. 

The team is evolving anyway. 

She mentioned that typically New Manager and her would talk and work out what works for everyone. I think she's still salty about the start date. But honestly, I'm ready to go.

I didn't realize how big this launch would be I guess. I was here for a previous launch when I started and maybe I missed the importance of it. Maybe that's the reason. I think she's just feeling panicked. I don't know. 

10p Feeling Down

 My First Mom was going on about reaching out to family. But she's very traditional and lives in another country. I was pretty much tired of hearing it. I'm sure it's good advice just not well received. 

Anyway she mentioned my First Cousin was  having a baby. We stopped talking a while ago and sort of tried to re-connect, but honestly it hasn't gone that well. In my opinion, she stole my family, but they were willing captives. So, I'm pretty sour about that. Honestly, they can have each other. 

So I'm alone.

Anyway, I've been feeling bad for two days now with the impending transition and this heightened anxiety with this dumb meeting tomorrow.

So, I thought, one way to get over feeling bad is to make someone else feel good.

So I called to congratulate her. I was mostly annoyed that she didn't tell me she was pregnant. If she's expecting a child in December, that means she's at least 5 months pregnant. I've talked to her more than once in the last 5 months. That is just annoying. 

I told her I didn't know and she said I texted you to see if you wanted to play Clue (and I didn't respond). I'm thinking... ugh, what? All the times I've tried calling you in the last year that you never called me back on. Give me a break. To me, between the baby and her marriage, I'm being selfish about it you can say. If I'm not included in the journey and I'm hearing this stuff second hand, it's hard to celebrate.

She was dating her now husband for a year when I saw her and she never mentioned it. 

Recently, I had decided to get comfortable with my solitude. I think it was in preparation for this week. I don't particularly enjoy my family except for in times of crisis. I just wanted someone in my corner, you know. But I think that dream is gone in the way of my hopes of becoming a child actress.

The world stops for no one. My world definitely stopped when my aunt died. And I find myself alone again. So this on top of the recurring feelings of rejection this job and this transition are stoking is becoming a bit much. Even the much dramatized 9:30a mtg tomorrow is another rejection because my boss is choosing Her Favorite Friend over me. It all just hurts. 

And you can't say anything. At least I can't because then it starts more drama that lingers. It doesn't make the pain go away it just makes it stay around in 2 places. 

Why don't you want me?

 8a Full disclosure this is another inappropriate post about my ridiculous attachment to my boss.

I was reading a couple FIRE blogs with the success stories of people who tried to leave and their company tried to get them to stay with a higher offer. 

THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME!

That makes me sad.

I think that's part of what I'm feeling. The daily rejection in many different forms and just the overarching confirmation that I'm not wanted or don't belong.

I feel so silly even typing this or crying over it.

But it did sting a little. I'm still not the best. 

Or I can choose to focus on the effort my boss took to onboard me initially. That was nice. 


That was this a.m. I was too embarrassed to post it so I left it as a draft.

It's now 5p.

So many feelings have happened. I was feeling the rejection, the less-than, the not-good-enough, the forgotten feelings. 

Then I asked the internet and they reinforced that it's actually a good thing if you don't get the counteroffer when you try to leave. A good company wouldn't do that. So I decided to buy that narrative. Sold! No buyer's remorse.

So then I was happy again. Because yes, I would've been probably saltier if she had buckled after I had a better offer. I still wanted her to miss me just a little or at least acknowledge that her team will not be as awesome. Too much?

Then at 2p I got goodbye cookies in the mail. This normally would make me feel elated, but I know she sends cookies to all her teammates. Let's be honest, I was still a little happy. 

So from 8a to 5p, I pretty much spent every hour creeping her calendar and checking email. I checked email and had reactions but resisted the urge to send responses. 

There's so much going on that I really wanted to be a part of, but yeah I think I just burned out. I used to hope that after 6 months I'd be asked back to a better Call Center #3, but I think it would be best if I just carry on. 

This is literally what I've known for 6 years and to not have anything to do with it is weird. But then let's think about Call Center #1. I can't remember what I felt leaving there. Probably similar feelings. I log these feelings to look back, but I almost never do. It's usually too sad.

I think regarding that drama email and messaging of yesterday, I think I am going the passive petty route.  I DEFINITELY WANT TO CALL PEOPLE OUT, but I decided against that.

I think I will silently decline and then appear busy during the meeting time and hope and pray (and sweat bullets) that they don't try to call me. 

By 1p when my boss and I meet for the last time, given our team's history she won't bring it up. However this Prince Charming is HER FAVORITE even above MY BUDDY, so she might. But I'll just say sorry, I thought you had it handled.  Or... oh was that today? 

OR.. if she brings it up... I might just go petty...

I'm pretty sure Product Owner, BS support, or My Buddy who I understood to have tons of experience will have it handled. 

Ok, yes! A petty escape hatch. If she goes low, I'm def going low! Bring it! That actually makes me happy. 

I wish I knew what story was out there. 

I'm really happy the other overachiever reached out, it helps justify to me that my teammates are abnormal. 

I don't need to love or like the next job, I just hope I can learn it quickly and do a good job. And if for some reason, it doesn't suck, I hope that it is a skill I can use if I ever want to get another job. 

Petty Is As Petty Does

 I was doing so well keeping my pettiness buttoned up and not leaving this role with a salty goodbye, but yesterday was trying my patience. 


The drama lasted the afternoon, followed me to sleep and was waiting for me in my thoughts when I awoke. So here's the email I won't send but would love to in the name of pettiness.


Names changed to protect the dramatic. 


Dear Prince Charming,

Just wanting to be a good steward of your time. Is there anything specific you need from me? What is the ask here? I'm not available at this time but I can make myself available if there's something specific you need from me.

You see my understanding from Queen Isadora was:

Sephora was the product owner

Aurora was the IT support

and My Buddy was the SME with tons of telephony and contact center experience (#lies).

They might be more valuable resources to you than me, so I would refer to you to them.

Thanks! Have a great day!!!


We'll see if that holds me over until Thursday. Otherwise happy trails. I am quite drowsy because I have not been sleeping well.


Transition Week, Day 2

 So yesterday is over. I made it through however tumultuous.

I did it!

I "worked" 3 hours and nobody died. I panicked only a little. I wasn't tempted to mad-check the work iPad. I didn't mentally disconnect because of course I replayed old work conversations over and over, but I did physically disconnect.

So far, I've gotten no questions about new role.

I've been thinking about reaching out to new manager to see if she wants to schedule 1:1s with key stakeholders, but I'm trying to resist the urge because I'm not trying to go into this hot. Overacheiver days are over. 

In other news, as I was reflecting, I realized I've been doing call center for 6 years! I've been an agent, trainer, done QC, reporting, manager. What a wild ride. 

Maybe because it's all I've ever done, but I was getting good at this, at least I think so. In one version of my story, I saw myself doing my boss's job in the next couple of years.

How did I get here. Why am I leaving? Just when the going was getting good?

I don't know anymore. Is this how all breakups are? You forget the road it took to get here? 

This just wasn't the natural progression of things. 

I don't know. I just hope next job doesn't suck. 

But some days I am ready to let go of My Manager and just let her and her Girl Friday take off. 

Should people make professional decisions for personal reasons? I don't know. 

This unknown is now becoming a new source of anxiety.

In other news, was thinking on whether or not to sell my house? But at the end of the day, I haven't easily found anything else for $900/mon.  Do I want to move back to the Mid-West. Now that I'm potentially location independent, the options exists.

I also wonder about speaking my mind and letting my boss know exactly why I'm leaving. I was hoping she'd pick up all my perceived grievances but as I grow into adulthood, I realize more and more that people are really self-centered. And more often than not you have to verbalize things. No one is picking up on the little slights and hurts and pain they are causing you. They just have their own lives to deal with. 

I just don't think I can do it. 

Should I ask the recruiter about my range? Does it matter or am I trying to start something and find a reason to be unhappy? 

Plus, let's be real, my boss doesn't want to hear any grievances against any of her team, so yeah, I'd be shooting myself in the foot. Even if I didn't hope to be lured back. I think I just have to let it go. 

If not directly, I think I do want to get a few love jabs in there. Ugh. I thought I was past this. 


Monday, 8a, To Humble Brag or Not To Humble Brag

 Ok so for this Monday's plan, I was to work from 9a to 12n. Three hour day. I woke up suddenly and hot. It's pretty much been like that all of July.

I don't know why my hands refuse to turn my air down to 78 from 80? I told myself I could but I'm just like whatever. More than the heat is the bright sunlight. 

I don't know if I'm getting enough good rest and sleep.

So instead of stewing in my anxiety, I decided just to wake up. The new plan is to work from 8a to 11a. Still 3 hours. Besides, I can get those reports out, I said. 

We'll try again tomorrow. I fall asleep on the couch as a starter thinking it'll help but I have yet to fall back asleep right away when I migrate upstairs. 

So why am I still anxious?

Some thoughts from last night:

Should I email new boss to tell her to set up some 1:1s for people I should meet. Nothing has popped up on my calendar yet. 

Should I message the girl on my new team who was the last to start and ask her about her onboarding process?

Am I already doing too much? 

There are two other things I'm also nervous about.

Should I do an 'ask me anything' session with my boss - HECK NO!

Should I humble brag in my farewell letter to my team and larger team? I think I should as a consolation prize. I want to leave in a blaze of glory. If I do, I think I'll send it at night on Thursday before my day off. They can talk amongst themselves.  If I do, should I CC my boss's boss as well? Haha. I think part of me still thinks she should want me back and entice me back with promise of a promotion and big pay like I see in the movies. The more likely reality is that since a lot of the roles in our department are getting changed to AD, My Buddy is going to benefit from my loss. I will probably cry. Some people are just lucky like that. 

Focus, 2 years or less. 

In a new conversation I had with someone about FIRE, I kept saying 10 years or less to FIRE. I'm so afraid.  Also, do you share your salary with a colleague if you think they will get jealous? 

What was my other anxious moment:

Oh, I want to ask HR about my salary - where it falls in the range. Too much? I also genuinely want to know if I can negotiate my bonus vs long term incentive. The long term incentive seems like a waste to me if I don't plan on staying at the company forever. I'd rather have a larger bonus. 

Ok, I stalled enough. 12 minutes. 

Some Things That Worked Today That May Work Tomorrow

 Ok, so we know I've been fretting about this transitional week. MERJ is not a happy camper in periods of uncertainty.

If all goes to plan, this will be my last week in my current role. Last week was weird. All told, it's all been a bit weird since Bonus Day

Anyway, let's move on from that.

I've been trying to figure out how to cope with this upcoming week. I'm not fully excited about the new role because given my history getting excited about things is a surefire way to guarantee some unexpected outcomes.

So just choosing not to think about it for now.

It turns out my co-workers don't like me that much, just like I thought. I was just a churning machine. Maybe people just aren't that curious, but there was definitely no outrage or even any curious side conversations.  So confirmed - no love lost there. 

Anyway, let's not get distracted.

I came on here to celebrate a small win.

I've been pretty down on myself for the sloth like appearance of my life in general with all this free time. I blame the free time for my churning tendencies. Oh my gosh, stay focused!

Ok, so in trying to come up with different coping strategies for the week ahead, I wrote out on some time takers.

I also changed my perspective. In a conversation with an old friend yesterday, it occurred to me that I used to yearn for free time when I was going to 30 years of school, I dreamed of this day with no homework. I finally achieved it and I'm listless.

So yeah, instead of bemoaning my lack of impact and general lack of productivity, I decided to lean into it. So I have nothing to do but flip from screen to screen. Is that the worst thing in the world?  I have to stay hopeful that when the thing I'm supposed to do comes, I will have had my fill of free time.

Today, I decided to stay in bed until noon. It makes downstairs times seem a little less endless. Also, it just gets really hot upstairs so I'm sort of forced to go downstairs. I just decided it was okay to have nothing to do. That's kind of the point of sloth life. I also had a realization that it was okay that I don't have a clear... what I'm running to in FIRE. It will definitely be a struggle, but I will have to adjust. I'm way too 1-track minded  and focused on getting through the accumulation phase to come up with sure fire things I want to do when I hit FIRE. 

First of all, if I paint this glorious picture of what I want to be doing post-FIRE, it's going to make it that much harder to endure the journey. I am way too much of an impatient person for that.  I mean I already quit my job once for a taste of FIRE now. 

Secondly, I would rather just focus my energy on the task at hand which is getting to FIRE. 

Other. Things and interests change way too rapidly for me. The world changes. I don't adapt quickly to changing plans. So I think even post-FIRE, it's going to be a day at a time. A bite at a time. And honestly, let's be realistic. The world isn't going to be my oyster. As magical as the thought of infinite possibilities sounds, I'm probably going to be choosing from about 5 things - doing nothing all day, volunteering a little bit, vacillating on travel, taking a class. 

I'm not starting a business, a relationship, or a family. I'm not slow traveling around the world. I'm not moving to some exotic location. I'm not doing anything of meaning. It's unlikely anything will change, at least not the things I can control.

More than likely, something weird will happen and I will still be living a life of reacting and adapting to circumstances.

The only thing I have daydreamed about a little bit is moving away from this Death House. But I can't entertain that much hope. At they very least, I might get some security cameras. 

Anyway, let's talk about tomorrow.

The current plan is:

Work 9a-12n. So 3 hours. 

Move downstairs and rotate through TV, reading, eating +/- an activity.

That's it. 

No work Ipad for the whole week. That's my goal as it's such a source of anxiety and keeps me wired to the workday balagan. It's currently off and that is my overt act of trying to properly detach/disconnect.

I only have 1 meeting during that time frame and so I hope to get some CE credits done. 

I hope to completely log-off from work. No mad checking email. I have no more fires to put out. So it'll be a part-time vacation. 

I found a couple shows to add to my rotation, so that should help:

The L word x 6 seasons

Virgin River x 2 seasons

I have some books. And a paint class voucher I still need to use. 

So while, I couldn't find a vacation spot, I will just camp out downstairs. 

My main goal is to stick to the 3 hour workday each day. I've been blown off way too many times by Big Boss and I have to get out of that churning mentality. Lately, my doing things pre-emptively has just spectacularly backfired that I can't be bothered. 

I think it'll be good too because last week she seems to be in some sort of panic-anxiety mode. And this like waiting on her to direct my day is really no longer necessary. In fact, I'm deciding to bring up nothing tomorrow on the meeting. There were a couple minor things outstanding - some call guides, some telephony, and some vendor stuff. But again, petty stuff that can be easily forgotten in the chaos. 

 Plus, she's been busy since the merge. I think she's just inundated with emails and stuff is just getting half-done.  Just the way I met it. And unfortunately the way I'm leaving it because I couldn't get an entire workstream to change their ways, but man what I was able to do in spite of that!

I'm really pleased I went through with taking 2 days off this week. Good job, Brain! I wasn't sure which 2 days but I think in the end it didn't matter! Wed and Friday actually was pretty genius because it just makes Thursday such a wash! So for once, something may turn out better than expected. 

So yeah, for each of the 3 working days, I plan to work no more than 3 hours. I'll stay continuously logged on for the 3 hours (working on CE stuff, I hope) and then log off for the day. 

I just have to declutter my mind and detach. 

All in all, when I look back on this year, I feel pretty grateful. Although my effort, impact, and contributions weren't enough to garner me the raise and recognition I seemed to crave, I'm really proud of myself. Because in spite of it all, I went above and beyond for every ask. I made so many positive contributions and had so many great ideas. I had so many responsibilities and I killed it! I beat myself up over some pretty minor things I wish I said, but for being thrown into a role with ever changing scope, I nailed it! I nailed it y'all. I made a lot of contributions and did some really great work. I mean like the things I did mattered. There is printed material the public will see that were a result of my voice! How awesome is that. I was proactive. I solved problems. Everything I touched, I left better than I found it.  Telephony problems I solved and identified. Technology issues I solved or accounted for. I did a way lot! So in my mind, I'm leaving in a blaze of glory. I came, I saw, I conquered. And I did it without the support of my dumb teammates. 

Let's end here for now. High-five!

Next Week is going to be tough

 How to make it through the next 9 days.

This week was rough. I've pretty much been released from much of my projects pending my transition to a new role.

That free time is what gets me in trouble.

My aunt practiced some of her "coaching" skills on me last night and actually it really helps to talk about problems. It just lessens the burden somehow.

I can't seem to shake one thing I didn't say last week though. The telephony conundrum. I think because I spent so much time on it. But if we're passing the buck..it was really the SME's fault. 

She is definitely great with her words. Very woo-woo. Very good at limitations and boundaries. Textbook. 

Do people who set boundaries get farther in life? 

So onto the business of the next 9 days.

Oh but I have to say it. 

Boss lady, you were wrong! That contact doesn't reach that skill. WFM, you were wrong! We don't use that skill for this type of call. You made me look like an idiot. Brain, you let me down! You're so overworked and stressed, your recall memory is shot! Boss lady, stop leading me down all these wild goose chases. 

That didn't feel better. 

Can't win them all. 

Vendor, you're both right. Skill to skill transfer doesn't count against our OB skill. Transfers to external contacts does utilize an OB skill. 

Thank you, thank you!

Meh, that didn't help.

Ugh, I'm tired of working on myself.

Anyway, what did I come on here to say?

How I'm going to handle the next 9 days.

I spent an hour or 2 last night trying to find somewhere to go. Just to get my mind off work. 

The idea of spending a mortgage payment on a weekend getaway was a little difficult to swallow to be honest.

How would that look?

Would I take my work laptop? My work ipad? 

How would I have access to the internet? Just using my phone?

What if I wanted to blog?

How do I look up stuff?

It would be my first Air B&B.

I decided to try to make a schedule.

It includes work for 3 hours a day. 

Which leaves about 12 waking hours un-accounted for. What do I do then?

I did like the Air B&B cuz I could do some laundry. That'd be nice!

I don't know. Leaving the house just doesn't sound like that much fun during the week.

I've dumbed it down so much - to just doing laps at Walmart. It's free. I can't even stomach doing that. 

It's like I want to be stuck in my turmoil. Groan. 

Striving for FIRE doesn't excite me anymore

 I remember when I would have bad days at work, I would spend every single weekend trying to squeeze one more cent out to save or invest. I would re-work my numbers to see if there was anything I could do to speed up my timeline.

At this point this year, I'm still trying to spend only $15k.  Although a soft goal, it has been all the more tempting just to buy something! Anything! So I forget the goal and store it away far far away.

But today and last weekend was one of the first times in a loooong time, I'm talking years where I haven't spent a weekend just recalculating numbers. Nothing has ever changed, but I still do it.

I think just the distraction and having something to look forward to was enough. 

I would make so many goal trackers. Monthly trackers. Money trackers. New spreadsheets. New ways to try to break up the slog.

I don't know maybe my emotional state is the bigger priority in this moment. 

In this moment, I am feeling many things. 

I wish I had spoken up in the launch meet and greet. I prepared a speech and everything. Better Me would have told my boss - I'll greet the group and you can take over from there. I didn't do that. I wish I had. I just think in this soft skills job perception is everything. Every interaction with others feels like an opportunity. As a Sensitive Striver, missed opportunities just seem like the BIGGEST DEAL.

In the quality meeting, I wish I had pushed back on the white man who as been blowing me off quite a bit. I wish I could've stopped my boss from saying some incorrect information and including me in it. I saw it coming but couldn't find my words to talk her out of saying it. I wish after it happened, I had clarified. I will likely stew on this the WHOLE WEEKEND.

I'm trying different things to make myself feel better. It's not the end of the world. It doesn't take away from what I actually know, I try to tell myself. But in a soft skills job, it's not about what you actually know. It's what people perceive. It's the feelings people get in these random meetings. It's how you present yourself. It's being responsive and communicative in these conversations. When you're a me, there is this constant pressure to present the best version of yourself AT ALL TIMES.

But why? Over achievers can bounce back. But at least 3 people on our team talk to me like I'm dumb so this hurts my confidence and reinforces my sensitive striver overwhelm. 

How do I persist? How do I persist with the confidence of a mediocre white man? How do I come back from them trying to make me feel dumb without pointing out their flaws. 

Some of the things are things I intuit but some of them are actual facts that help fuel some of the overwhelm.

So let's say I transition away from this role to a 40 hour or less job. What exactly do I do with my free time? That's for the next 5 months and after the pandemic.

Do I just stay in solitary confinement for the next 5 months?

Oh, I'm also feeling extremely jealous and rejected by my boss. I hope the more I write about, the more shameful and embarrassed I'll feel and I'll eventually snap out of it because at this point it's a little ridiculous. 

She cancelled a meeting this morning. Then said oh I'm only free after 1:15pm. Does that mean re-schedule it? If not, then why don't you say that. So I asked and she came up with another topic to talk about. Then I schedule it, then she said I can only meet for 15 minutes. Ok, well sooo... let's cancel it then or what? What can we possibly talk about for 15 minutes? Then she sent a sad face emoji. I obviously read too much into that. So I said call me when you're free. So I was mad checking email and Teams basically from 1p to 5p. Because eventhough I'm annoyed, I still want to talk to her! 

This toying with my emotions can't just all be in my head. She wants me to want her! Only to reject me. I was already considering a washout period after I transition to my new role. But now I'm wondering - how long and if I want to come back to her at all?

Then I have this fantasy of her recruiting me back into this role and we take over the call center together. It's this well oiled machine of bliss. And I love work and maybe even stay until I reach a cool mill. Wishful, magical thinking much. It's usually how I know the end of a relationship. When I start fantasizing best possible outcomes. It's my classic coping mechanism. Instead of rewriting the past, I rewrite a fantastical future. To date, none of my fantasies have ever come true.

What is likely going to happen. A lot of anxiety over the next 3 months with new job. Still think about my Manager. Likely regret leaving. Think about going back. I'll probably message her a few times and she won't respond. My feelings will be hurt. I'll swear never to do it again. But because it hurts so much I will try again and hope for a different outcome to soothe the last hurt.

By Oct/Nov I'll be back to trying to churn out one more red cent to get to FIRE. 

The Plank In My Eye

I've been really trying to rise above my co-worker problems. But once it's been highlighted and egged on by some of my supporters, it's hard to un-see.

The vendor is rude and disrespectful and quite oppositional and from my perspective it's more with me than other managers. 

My buddy is supposed to be the telephony expert, headcount expert, and audit expert. How am I doing this and doing some of the clinical stuff?

And some of the compliance stuff.

Why is my boss so resistant to giving this girl work. 

Then I got another petty email from my old buddy.

It makes me furious. 

But I'm trying to keep my cool.

And then I secretly think, I'm so glad I'm leaving. I wish I wouldn't take things so seriously.

It's a great game of Politico. 

I've been wanting to ask my fellow overachiever how she lasts on the participation trophy team.

I'm mostly using this blog post to get through this meeting.

Ate some plantain chips. Not as tasty as I remember. 

Magic Math tells me I have 3.5 day left off this job. 

How to approach work more casually. 

I am easing off a bit. 

But it feels wrong to care less. 

I just want to impress my boss. 

She's not that into me

Ugh, and then I see things I could be doing better. 

Stimulus overload. Listening to a training. Listening to this meeting.

TV in the background.

I feel a little sick.

Just keep swimming. 

Nothing is annoying.

I actually tried forcing my self to smile for a few seconds and I almost felt happy...  like it was a recall memory of  the last time I smiled organically.

This might be new therapy. 

If this is what I wanted, why am I crying

 I've been in a weird mood. It lingers into today. I even tried eating sweet things AND fried things. My mood didn't change. 

TV isn't helping. 

So I was pretty anxious over the weekend waiting on the offer letter for my new role. To make it official.

I told my boss last Thursday. I couldn't tell if she was shocked, surprised etc.  I still don't know. She keeps saying Congrats. 

In my mind, I've definitely made her the villain.

Then why am I so scared to leave her?

What has happened here. 

What is reality? 

Why do I feel so uneasy.

I got a new role and it's a little bit more money.

I don't know why I can't get excited

Is she even hurt by this. I feel like I've hurt her. I've been in a weird mood and she seemed to be picking up on it in one of our meetings today. 

I think just not knowing where I stand everyday really affects my psyche. 

Maybe that's it? 

Ok, let's think to how we got here. 

Time for another therapy blog. 

Le sigh. 

How did I get here? 

Well. FIRE. Make more money, get out of rat race faster?

I can't work on a team where everyone gets a participation trophy.

Chaos. Unclear expectations. Weird compensation.

Churning for nothing.

I can't even form whole thoughts. 

Did I get a new job out of spite? Is this what FIRE will look like - leaving the workforce out of spite. 

Maybe that was it. Who am I really hurting here? 

I think I thought this would hurt her. 

It's the old drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die. 

When did she become my enemy?

I think I truly just wanted her and the team to change, but that seemed bigger than me. Would it have helped if I brought it up? I didn't have reason to believe so because casually trying to bring it up .. didn't seem to go over well. So remember that.

Yeah. Maybe that's why I'm sad. It's like a breakup with someone you really like but maybe isn't...what? They don't want kids and you do?

I don't know.

I think I just wanted things to be different.

Sometimes I say to myself, if she had just offered me 1 dollar more and told me I was her best employee this would've been avoided. 

Could I have ever said that to her? Would I have wanted to? Would I have wanted to keep working for her if she had? 

When did feelings get so unpredictable.

I wish I could just drive to the beach and be swept away until all the feelings went away. 

Why does this feel like a rejection some how? 

I think because my heart is feeling like I wasn't worth changing an entire department. How ludicrous is that. 

Was it really our chaotic department or was it my relationship with my boss.

What happened? How did I get here? 

For some reason I have this deep seated fear that in the next 6 months to a year, the department will right itself and My Buddy will still get rewarded just for staying.

Why can't I be like other people and just enjoy the ride. Why do I want my dessert now?

So is it really the work, the work environment, the chaos, or my relationship with my boss?

How does everyone on our team do this. It can't be the work environment because people literally live through it happily and daily. Why can't I feel what other people feel? How do I let things go? How do I survive in chaos?

Yesterday when she asked for my start date to be pushed out, I got offended. It was too late. I don't know what conversation I wanted us to have but somehow yesterday it felt too late. It felt like an afterthought. What's funny is when I imagined telling her, I imagined us discussing it and coming to a conclusion of a good transition date. And it was just going to be this time of camaraderie.

But overnight my mood changed. I imagined myself saying, asking me to stay at a lower rate is a slap in the face. I imagined saying - that's as silly as me asking you if your dad will marry my mom so she can have access to Medicare and his social security benefits. I imagined saying, making even 1 less dollar is one less dollar for my family overseas. How dare you!

That's what kept me up last night.

I add so much backstory to these conversations, emails, and chat messages. I don't know what is real anymore.  Did I imagine some of this context?

I think this job has just been a long game of gaslighting. Just living in this sub-alternate universe where no one says the thing that is true. 

It's probably fine for most people because they have another reality. When this is my only interaction with other humans, it's just tough to know what is real. 

Maybe this just feels more like a loss instead of a win.

But for the weird work environment and participation trophies and constant churning while it appears that others are not working, it just became too much to withstand. 

So I wasn't necessarily running toward this new job as much as running away from my last job. And that sucks.


June 2021 Financial Update

 In my mind, I thought I've been doing financial updates weekly, but maybe that's only in my head. Or, admittedly, a lot of my updates are embedded in my blog posts.

I think this blog has become my therapy blog, but when I get so much out of seeing other people's numbers, it feels like I should pay it forward.  In my defense, I do keep my working budget on my sidebar so it's really always there.

Nothing changes much during the year.

But anyway here we are. 

This might not be much, just a copy and paste job. 


Expenses

Your Spending

DATESSPENDING
Total$2,958.01
 
April 2021$1,403.71
May 2021$901.62
June 2021$652.6



Income


Your Income

DATESINCOME
Total$11,774.93
 

April 2021$3,894.05
May 2021$3,898.05
June 2021$3,982.83


I actually don't know what this means because I don't really analyze my income on this aggregator. But this does appear that I should maybe (?) have been able to save about $8k in the last 3 months. Who knows. Like I said, I don't really look at income using this tool so I don't know what this data captures. 

I guess my heart is not really in this analyses. 

But I'll keep trucking.

I mean nothing really changes in terms of income because I'm salaried. 
As for expenses, there haven't been too many big expenses that I can think of.
I stopped paying my mortgage starting June and this has continued into July. That might be the difference in Expenses you're seeing.

We can spotcheck June just for a little peek if you'd like.

June Expenses broken out
CATEGORYSPENDING
Total$652.68
 
Bills & Utilities$196.03
Food & Dining$178.86
Home$172.27
Misc Expenses$59.83
Auto & Transport$24.72
Fees & Charges$20.97

Bills and Utilities is just that - almost always the same for internet and utitlities.

Food and Dining tends to be around $200/mon.

Home is for the plumbing fix that I have no idea if it was fixed since the problem has been intermittent.

Misc Expenses - I'll have to take a look and recategorize that. Oh it's what I historically have included as line items under Incidentals or Everyday expenses - so just like household items and things like that. That's just the default category for this particular app. I've been hesitant to include these expenses under Home because I want to be more easily capture home ownership items under "Home."

Auto & Transport - gas from just toodling around town

Fees & Charges -  robo-advisor broker fees, womp, womp. 

So  there you have it. Sorry that wasn't more exciting. I'm in a weird mood now. I think these financial updates stopped being exciting because it's all on auto-pilot now. 

3 Laps Around Walmart

 So last night I had the great idea to help me manage my free time - go do something Wed and Saturdays. I figure if I can just get out of the house 2x a week that should help with a lot of things.

- Not Bummer Summer

- Detach from work

- Untangle some jealousy (because less free-thinking time)

- Better appreciation of free time


So my chicken wing competition didn't get far. I tried one place and I was kind of done. I think I'm chicken-winged out for now. That's kind of how the story goes for me. But I have to stop seeing it as failures. I have lots of great ideas. So I started the Summer with wanting a Not Bummer Summer - I was going to get out of the house twice a week, I was going to stop working > 40 hrs/week, I was going to stop focusing so much on my boss and colleagues and all its associated feelings.

Getting out of the house twice a week proved more difficult than I thought - where do I go? What do I do? 

Well, Brain won't let it go. So last night, I looked up some meetups. Then I remembered - oh yeah, pandemic. And I haven't really established my out-in-public policy so I don't know yet where I stand with public events. I'm just so absent minded I don't trust myself to be safe enough. 

Side note - my volunteer hours goals is on hold for this year. #pandemic

Ok, so last night I mad-clicked my way to - my area's parks and rec. I didn't really find anything. I discovered a few new parks. I was really looking for planned events. I was willing to spend the money in the name of the trending self-care. For whatever reason, I didn't find what I was looking for.

I even looked into just attending baseball games twice a week. Actually that was still on the table, so not sure what happened there. Oh I think the $15/game price tag. But it was going to be worth it to have something else to focus on. 

Not committed to the idea, but it's still there.

I looked into virtual trivia nights because I realized I wanted to talk to people. I'm losing track of the days again. That proved to be harder to find than I thought. To me, I feel like that would be widespread but I don't think I know how to search for things like that. 

So this morning I woke up with the grand idea of just starting small. I've been lamenting about my hood-adjacent neighborhood not being all that conducive to walking. But when I took a break from cursing it, I realized, I could just drive to the Wal-Mart down the street.

It's pretty huge. So I figured 3 laps is probably some distance close to a mile. Then I remembered #pandemic. For some reason, I guess 3 is my go-to number for good faith effort. So in my mind I would do this for 3 months - aug, sept, oct. Don't ask me where those months came from - there might have been a reason at 4a but I surely can't remember now. 

So then I got stuck in the - do I walk the laps inside the store and risk exposure to COVID or do I walk outside the store and risk heat exhaustion. 

Then of course I took it way past the current. Maybe this could be a long-term thing. When the weather cools down, I can walk outside the store. Then I remembered all the shows I saw on ID and got scared. And was about ready to scratch the whole idea - both on the chance of dying, by pandemic or something more sinister.

And that's how Brain works. 

So then I try to figure out time. Ideally, when the sun goes down, but I know once I get settled, it's hard for me to get back in motion - what is that Newton's law? An object at rest...

Then I extended the idea to just walking to Walmart instead of driving... baby steps. I'd have to cross a pretty busy street with no crosswalks or sidewalks. Sounds unlikely. 

And something that seemed so simple got lost in the weeds.

So I still don't know where I stand. 

But I really need to break-up with work. I think that's ultimately the goal. It's been like my captor and almost-abuser. 

So maybe on Wed, no later than 6:30p - I go to Walmart. Because people are allegedly vaccinated, it might be okay to walk inside. I'll wear my mask, don't go too fast so my oxygen demand is not high. This is not meant to be cardio, more psychological. People-watch without engaging and burning my skin off. I was thinking starting August 1, but I might go out this Wednesday. 

I think the 6:30p was good because it's a good event start time. And if I'm still working or toodling on laptop, it'll force me to stop. And also, maybe the sun will be less hot? 

When I look at the weather today, it looks like the high breaks after 5p.  Honestly just walking to and from the car in 90-degree heat makes me break out into a sweat.

Yeah, if I'm going to do this, it's gotta be indoors. 

I'll have to remember to wear socks. I don't actually have good tennis shoes anymore because I lost the insoles to one when I was trying to be cheap, but I have some Keds I can probably use. Should be okay if I keep it low-impact. 

The other thing I want to do is start auto-sending money to family overseas. Why talk about the speck in your neighbor's eye when there's a plank in your own eye. Reading something about Joe @ Retire by 40, gave me the idea that $500/mon is a good number. There's no legacy law like that in my culture, but I think it's probably a good idea. I was getting angry that my brother doesn't help, but I technically don't really give my family anything on a monthly  basis either. 

And greedily, I don't see my first mom living longer than 3 years otherwise I'd be concerned with how I would sustain this post-FIRE. We shall see. 

In this moment I am hopeful

 In this moment, I am hopeful. I know it's fleeting so if I ever look back, I'll know it happened...that one time. 

I hope I get to read my stories from heaven. 

I'm watching this show called Relative Race. I'd never heard of it, but I was looking for something light last night and stumbled upon it on Roku channel. 

People are so obssessed with family in a way I never have been. I think I definitely take my family for granted. I know it's because of them that my life didn't turn out sideways. 

Well, in this moment I am hopeful. I see a second start, a fresh start. Not even necessarily a second act. I feel like the previous 35 years was the prologue. So the story is just beginning. 

I have no idea why I feel this way. 

Too much sugar? 

My college friend I recently re-connected with said she doesn't believe in God because her wishes didn't come true. I know the feeling, but I've never not believed. I felt disappointed, but never unbelieving. I just felt I did it wrong. 

Maybe she was the last piece of the puzzle somehow. 

I unearthed so many ghosts and the graves are empty and there was nothing to be found. I latched on so tightly to my boss, but it just didn't stick. 

It just feels like there's nothing left for me in the past. 

I was afraid of doing some of the things I did in the past, but now I think it was a good blueprint. 

I like church.

I like being nice.

I like people that are nice.

I also like being by myself. 

I like doing adventure sports, but not all the time.

I like puzzles and recreation, but not all the time.

I really enjoy TV. It's safe and usually doesn't hurt me. 

I like junk food. But sometimes I don't care for eating at all. 

No one on earth will ever love me the way I need to be loved. Nothing has happened in terms of my position on a long life, but I think I can make some effort to make it more bearable.

I think next year, I won't treat the no-go-outside-time from April to October. I think July and August are the hottest times, but there are some cool days between April to October that I can find. 

I can spend some money now that I have a better idea of how money works and can make projections. 

Money changes everything. Having more of it is better than having less of it. 

My Boss wasn't a replacement for my aunt. She wasn't here to love me. I think she was here to extend a hand which I gladly latched on to, but at some point I needed to let go. 

I can't love her enough to bring my aunt back or erase my guilt and pain. I can't love her enough for it to re-write the pain I must have caused my aunt. I can't love her enough that it will somehow reach my aunt. That's not how things work. 

In this moment of hope, I can start over. 

Understanding My Jealousy

 Just cried a little bit.

After having some strong disproportionate emotional reactions to work email.

First of all, this week has been straught with anxiousness regarding this pending job offer. No offer letter yet after refreshing email like a mad woman for the last 2 days. I hate taking this anxious feeling into the weekend but here we are. 

So I googled overcoming jealousy and it led me to attachment issues.

Some kids develop secure or insecure attachment styles.

I think I have an insecure attachment style.

So I thought back to my childhood.

I was brought over here for my safety. There was always this understanding that it was temporary. 30 years later, I'm still here and my parents never came back for me. I don't know that I necessarily wanted them to because I didn't want to leave America. But it would have been nice for them to have tried. For it to have felt like a choice. I'm understanding more and more just how much a sense of control over outcomes can do for a person. Even if it doesn't change the outcome, just the feeling of having some sense of impact on our life outcomes is transformational. 

Life-altering I would say.

This became my Death House because I just a reached a breaking point of trying to control outcomes without getting anywhere. I just decided to accept outcomes and stop fighting back. I became and am living as a victim of consequence. 

So that's where I am. I left my birthplace never knowing it's the last time I'd see my parents again as a whole family unit. I just didn't know. As much as I think all that modern fluffy parenting of explaining everything to a child is fluffy, I can see the benefits in adulthood. 

One episode of the The Family Bunch or whatever had the oldest daughter acting out because she didn't want to change her name. The therapist said she's losing control of a lot of her life outcomes, so just give her this. The step-dad wanted to be the authoritarian and insist that the child just obey, but the therapist won in the end. The child got to choose what she wanted. In the end, she chose to change her name with the rest of the family and verbalized how much she loved, cared for, and appreciated the step-dad. The outcome was the same for the step-dad but the journey, to me, turned out way better. That sense of agency.

I think that's what I lack. At this point, I feel like life just happens to me and it's just been this constant struggle to continuously adapt and reset. And I ran out of steam (see The Final Countdown).

Anyway, so attachment issue number 1 was pretty much childhood.

Then My Darling Aunty. I was mean-spirited in her final years of life. And eventhough I had resigned that she was going to die, the last time I saw her, I had no idea it would be the last time. I just left with a casual wave. And I never saw her again. She was the person I believe that loved me the most, only I didn't know it while she was alive. 

Then a few months later I meet My Boss. And she is this ray of light and has so many qualities that remind me of my aunt. 

And I form this insecure attachment because I can't ask her to reassure me that she loves and cares for me. That's weird. 

So the thing with living with my aunt was I always felt that if I was good enough, smart enough, well-behaved enough she would keep me and I wouldn't be sent back. See that relationship was complicated. It's how I missed that she loved me. I thought it was all merit-based. 

I think I carried that dysfunction into the relationship with My Boss. I say I churn for the Bonus Money. But really, I still want her to think I'm the best. Maybe if I do everything she asks, and respond to her every need - she'll love me the best.. at least out of her direct reports. Or friends, or family. It sounds outlandish, but here we are. 

I knew choosing me out of her family or friends that have known her more than a year was out of the question, so I focused on work stuff. 

The article I was reading, said jealous feelings on occasion are common, but jealous actions like trying to figure out where your partner is every single minute of day is unhealthy. It is to replace that reliance on the assurance you should really get from your partner.

But I can't ask my boss for reassurance. She would never tell me I'm her best or favorite or top employee. So I search her calendar (to try to figure out how much time she's spending with them).  I try to outperform my colleagues. I even mentally track their mistakes because the few times I tried to point them out got me in trouble. So that didn't work. I slip up now and then and try to backdoor their mistakes into conversations, but that always backfires.

When she praises other people, the jealousy flares up and makes me either completely detach or work harder. 

So today it flared up and I was really getting sick of my behavior. It has to stop. I don't think the week long anxiety was helping my situation. 

Anyway Overachiever #2 sent her an email an hour or so ago and she responded within 3 minutes. That annoyed me because she is regularly slipping this woman's name into conversation and giving her all the accolades.  And I'm thinking, I'm working just as hard to have an impact as she is. And Overachiever #2 was in my inbox buzzing around on some minor crap. That was annoying. 

I have unanswered emails to my boss but she has time to respond to Overachiever #2?! The nerve! Overachiever also feels free to just persist. Because she'd sent a chat message to me and My Buddy, and I wasn't responding. So she proceeded to send an email.

Then she sent our team two emails because our agent transferred a call wrong twice. TWICE out of 100s of transfers we do a week. TWICE. That was freaking annoying. Mind you I track all the errors her side makes but we haven't been addressing those in the spirit of teamwork and bigger fish to fry.

That was actually my fault. I should only be focusing on my programs and leave the greater business to the My Buddy and her direct reports. 

Then My Buddy. She sends two emails today. One was annoying because it's like, you're not even doing this work. The other felt accusatory. Did we get rid of this article too?, she asks. Ugh, come again?! It immediately annoys me. This was that 5-month project that she was supposed to be transitioning to me but then decided to stay in the workstream and contribute nothing. I think for me, if you didn't help do the work, you don't get to comment. And for the record, the document she is trying to reference never existed. Why don't you do some leg work or get one of your minions to look for it!

So yes, I am jealous because these two are a threat to my insecure attachment to My Boss. For whatever reason, My Boss thinks My Buddy is the goose that lays the golden egg. And the overachiever - I'm like stop buzzing around here. It's annoying because she's got my boss's attention and my boss's boss' (Big Boss) attention. So it's like a double-threat. At this point, that's not even a race I'm entering. Everytime it's a conversation or meeting with Big Boss I just have to bite my tongue, I immediately get into competitive mode. I mostly try that with My Buddy and My Boss at least in the very beginning. 

Now it's a mixed bag because I'm annoyed that I perceive her contribution to not be that noteworthy but she still has curried favor with My Boss. It's just a dynamic I don't understand. 

My goal IF I do successfully transition, is to do a 3 month washout period where I at the very least don't communicate with this team unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. And soft goal of not talking about them - at least not outside of the blog. 

In fact, I'm trying so hard to go into this new role with a psychologically clean plate, I didn't even haggle over the offer. I'm just going to accept it. I want to not feel it necessary to churn. I don't want to prove myself. I want to work clinic hours and just float to FIRE. 

Today is Going to Be a Good Day

 I mean it's probably not. It's 4a on the dot and I'm awake.

I realized a few things. When I'm especially anxious/nervous, my brain misfires. It apparently can't function and keep my anxiety at bay well. 

So at some point I really need to prioritize relaxing.

One of the things I learned from my boss is how not to disparage people. I literally want to point out everyone's faults. But I make mistakes everyday. And I certainly don't want anyone pointing it out to me, I take it so personally I don't need anyone else pointing it out.

Yet somehow I keep a mental ledger. 

So why am I anxious:

I told my boss yesterday that I got a verbal offer for the new role -YES! I did.

However, now I'm anxious given my life history that the offer letter might not come and I may have jumped the gun. I'm still so devoted to her I wanted to give her as much notice as possible. 


Oh, since I can't disparage people to their faces anymore, I'm just going to do it here. My aunt gave me bad advice about the insurance company. She kept telling me I needed to call them first. And it wasn't making sense based on what I was reading on the internet and my general understanding of insurance companies. Since she's been a homeowner longer, I decided to listen to her.

Grrr. They've been trying to reach me and I've been holding them off- namely because they keep calling "my home phone" and missing me. Basically, she was saying I shouldn't do anything until they come and do an estimate. So I was kind of relying on them to tell me what the problem was and tell me how to fix it.

Nope, the guy finally emailed me and was like - we won't pay for the leak but we'll pay for any damage the leak caused that's more than your deductible (knew that). He was like call a plumber - and my aunt was all don't do anything until you talked to them first. So I didn't want to move forward with much more than that.

I mean I did use my good judgment and called a plumber, but they didn't really fix the problem, but I didn't want to have them cut the ceiling since that seemed pretty extensive without talking to insurance first, per my aunt's advice. 

Groan. 

I mean I'm still not looking forward to the headache of having more work done on the house. Using the second bathroom hasn't been that inconvenient. I mean it's right there. Luckily I don't have to go downstairs or anything. Honestly, I'm just a little grossed out of toilet water anyway. 

So there we have it. I haven't flushed the toilet since the plumber came out because I'm 100% confident that didn't solve anything. 

But I really don't know what the next step is. 

What'd I tell you - once I committed to this being a low cost year  - the powers that be would conspire against me. And they have. So housing repair. 

And I went to the dentist yesterday - yep... I need a revision on my root canal because I've been feeling heat sensitivity. Another series of appointments. Unfortunately for me, my dentist is 90 miles away and so is the referral for the endodontist. Now I have to find a new endodontist.  I might see if I have to pay though. If I don't, I might be more inclined to make the 90 mile drive.

Although yesterday when I did it, I pretty much hated it. I think what I may do is just take the whole day off if I decide to continue with that dentist. I was still stuck in making a good impression land and churn land when I was scheduling these evening sessions. 

Have to remember I have unlimited sick time (or something). I actually don't know, there might be a cap. I think it was Call Center #2 with unlimited everything.  But it's not Call Center #1 where we didn't have sick time.

Anyway, yeah, that's a pending mind shift. I can take whole days off to go to a doctor's appointment without much mental or actual penalty. I just have to rethink what makes sense for a 180 mile roundtrip. 

Let's see in the winter.. it's harder to wake up.. so I should be up by 10a... plus 2 hour drive.. 12n.

And in the summer, I'm up around 7a.. but don't love leaving the bed before 8a....so let's just say 9a... plus 2 hour drive... 11a...

I guess technically I have to be up for 9a for work in both seasons. So probably 11a is reasonable. Yeah, I might change my Feb appointment to 12n instead of 6p. And if I am up early, I can run errands. 

So yeah.. dental work + house repair - not known to be inexpensive line items. 

Yesterday I had two delicious bowls of rice and beans. Yum.

Eventhough I haven't signed the offer letter yet, I am starting to detach from current role.

My goal for the next 2 weeks is not to be hateful. Don't disparage my team or my boss or my role. I want to be kind and gracious. No JetBlue exit! I might even churn a little just to make sure they miss me - I mean they won't, but you know me. 

I think part of why I'm up - well my teeth wanted me to brush them and then I had to go poddy.. but also I'm really hoping my offer letter can get signed today!!!

Some New Perspective

 This morning I woke up extremely hopeful. Life was mine for the taking. It was purely meant to be lived by my design. I woke up with this idea that God was giving me another chance. Like the last 35 years was Life #1 and now I have a chance at Life #2. 

For whatever reason I just felt this strong urge to reset my life. 

Think back to who I was at age 7 when I had to begin my life again.

How do I write this story knowing what I know? 

Do I go into it optimistically or just compound the decades of negative emotion.

Oh but the tantalizing allure of hope.

I made beans and rice yesterday; it's easily one of my favorite foods but I pretty much gave up cooking in the last year or so. 

So I made that. And I woke up today looking forward to eating it. 

I wanted to go to church again.

I want to take all the good parts of Life #1 and try to create a better version. Maybe I get a Do-Over. 

I actually want some pancakes but that sounds annoying to make. 

I actively tried to use my last Yaymaker pass. Fail. I tried just not even looking for a Paint Nite Class and went for trivia, but staying up until 10p was not in the cards.  Then I decided to do a Paint Nite and chose Tuesday since that will be a bad day, but then I realized that's the day before my dentist appointment. I'll be too distracted to focus on Paint Nite.

Doing Paint Nite with my cousin kind of ruined it for me. I don't like her as much as I used to. Does anyone else feel like when you do stuff with people you want them to have the same experience as you. 

Blech.

Let's keep riding this sunny high.

I even checked the mail yesterday. The shoulder compression device I bought came earlier in the week but of course I haven't felt like going outside to check the mail. Well I did. Then I didn't feel like dealing with it. I think because I knew it wasn't really going to help. It didn't. It's too big so the compression part is useless. And it smellssssssssssss. I'm sensitive to smell, so the very strong odor of chemicals was actually unbearable so I just took it off. Fail. 

So that happened. 

Then I actually emailed progressive. Apparently when you don't answer their calls, they send you letters. One of the letters had an email address, so I did that. Yay, me. Again, when I know an action isn't really going to solve my problems, I'm just resistant to wasting my time.

So in my new life, I haven't decided what name to use. Right now I have the name I was born with. The name I use at work, and the name I tried to change my name to (Name #2). 

See, ugh. What do I do? Name #2 was full of hope when I imagined leaving NC for greener pastures. That didn't happen. I had every hope and dream pinned to Name #2. When nothing I thought was going to happen, happened, I kind of gave up. 

Ugh. Everything feels like a process. 

On tap for today, supposed to watch some movies and order $8 Papa John's pizza. 

Sometimes My Brain Plays Tricks On Me

 It's true. Sometimes my brain plays tricks on me. When I'm hurting, I am blinded by the hurt. It is the only thing I can see. It's the only thing I think I will ever feel. EVER. 

When I'm not hurting, it's hard to remember why I ever felt that way. Right now, it's one of those times. I have these vague memories of how I got here at work. I don't remember why I became so resentful at work. Why did I want another job anyway? What exactly don't I like about this place. 

I work from home. My boss is so lovable. The job is pretty easy, if not constantly shifting and confusing. I get paid pretty well if I color within the lines. So what gives?

I don't know. I try to remember, but it's like the pieces don't line up. Why did those grievances seem so magnified? Even when I try to remember, it's like my brain misfires and I just can't get there. Or if I get there, it's like a transient thought. 

This is what it must be like for happy people. Their pain is like a sting that quickly resolves. 

Anyway. 

For whatever reason, I have pretty much checked out of my job and I'm not sure why. I find myself hoping to get the next job. But I think it's less that I want it and more I don't want to feel whatever rain of pain is bound to come if I get rejected. 

I do picture myself feeling joyous when I tell my manager that I'm moving onto the next thing, but I don't fully know why. 

I'm actually terrified of meeting a whole new group of people. Having to churn for yet another year. Having to learn new codified corporate speak. Ugh. 

But then I think back to my current colleagues. Whatever the history, I find myself treating them like the enemy that I have to be tactical against. My brain has convinced me that they deliberately mistreat me, leave me out, talk about me, secretly harbor ill feelings towards me - so that it's only a matter of time before our working relationship turns entirely toxic.

So yes, that's what it's like to be me. At 4a, these are the thoughts that keep me up at night.

I think just in any situation when you're not allowed to be most of yourself and your key features are meant to be kept at bay, it's hard not to live in your head. Because, you see, when you are masquerading these different versions of yourself, to make your story stick, you have to come up with a backstory. Or at least I do. Maybe that's how I came to make my workmates the villain. 

I need a backstory to be able to live this talltale. 

There has to be some truth in it. 

A lot of it is past experience and when there's even a shimmer of that in current experience, the past experience becomes intertwined with the current experience. I think that's just life. 

So far I've been called challenging, no-filter, and snarky. When I've tried to defend my boss, in nothing but total devotion, she's snapped back at me - wondering why I'm so invested. How about that!

They do it so subtly that I don't even realize it until someone points it out or in moments like these. 

One thing I liked about Call Center #1 was that people were actively trying to vote me off the island because I didn't want to hang out with them. But I felt safer there in terms of job security because my job was pretty task driven and autonomous. 

Here, because the job is pretty vague and fluid, relationships are paramount. That's a scary cliff. It doesn't fit my ways of working. 

I think that's one pull for new job - it should be more technical. 

But I don't know, I'm just having trouble dealing with the fact that they didn't want me (right away). Are they going to interview the 2nd internal candidate now?

I'm giving it till Tuesday, then I'm calling it.

Wednesday will be so hard.